brokenrose

Hi guys, so I've been trying to be so good and not messaging or calling him eventhough I have so much time on my hands due to 2 weeks holidays...so here I am telling other people on this forum to not message their exs...and I end up watching a movie he and I were supposed to go see at the cinema but never made it...and what do I do, I texted him to say I watched it and it made me think of him....and of course, no response from him. I feel so stupid and like such a hypocrite. Its been 2 full months, what did I think he was going to do, message me back telling me its all been a nightmare, he's not really an addict and is madly in love with me. Anyways I'm sorry I'm venting, I swore I was letting him go, apparently not yet and the rejection just makes me feel worse! I don't know its just so weird that he walked out of my life, went no contact except to pay me back money but didnt even want to see me and he ignores all my messages, as if I was the one who did something wrong. What the hell. Did he just have to erase me in order to move on, is that what they do? And he is by no means in recovery, he is in complete denial and has been a binge drinker since he was 18 years old, he is now 42. Uggh I'm so mad at myself1

SparkleKitty

Oh, honey, give yourself a break. Progress, not perfection. Big hugs to you.

You will probably never know why he did what he did, or why he did it the way he did it, and that outright, unequivocally, totally sucks. I am so sorry you have this hanging over you. Maybe you can take some comfort in the fact that you are no longer living in the drama of his addiction alongside him, but try to be gentle with yourself. Everything you're feeling and doing is understandable.

ReflectingOnMe

I wish I could get people to stop asking me "still no word from him?" No..no word. He drinks to forget things, now I am simply one of those things. It hurts and it confuses me, but it is over for him. I am working through understanding that it is over and so are you. My understanding from the seasoned F&F...is time ...it just takes time and each of us are different in how much time it requires.

Hopeworks

It's part of th journey. Process it. Move on. Be kind to yourself. No harm no foul.

Hopeworks

When they ask "no word" just say "I'd rather not talk about it" do that and they will get your clear message. Again, move on, close that chapter to the horror novel

dollydo

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward, make no contract your mantra.

brokenrose

Thank-you to all, I couldn't vent this info to my gfs because they cannot for the life of them understand what I saw in a guy (besides the fact that he was pretty) who had absolutely zero going for him and nothing to offer me.....they don't get it. I did go for a massage today and the lady said I seemed less tense than 2 months ago so maybe you're right, I am beginning to be free of all the drama that my life consisted of with him in it.....-ReflectingonMe: you made me laugh (in a sad sort of way) when you said that now we are just one of those things they have to forget when they drink. Its probably so true, its so weird the way he cut me off though, as if I did something to him, all I did was voice my concern that he was going out with his buddy again for the 2nd time that week...wow, what a good reason to dump the person you called the love of your life. Anyways it will get better, at least when I look at my son now, I feel inner peace knowing he will never have to have an alcoholic in his life as a role-model. Tomorow is another day. Hope it is better. Thanks again.

ZiggyB

Don't worry, I have done the same thing. Broke no contact way too many times myself.... hopefully you'll remember why you don't want to do it again.

Recovering2

When my RAB was drinking, he wanted me out of the house. I think they don't like being confronted by someone who won't support their habit, so we become the bad guy. Better to avoid us and hang with people they can lie to and manipulate.
Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to slip, you're human. One day at a time for us too!