4444lost

thats the Question I am working on,he doesnt think 9-12 beers every night is that many,most of the time guzzling 4 in 1 hour," impossible I dont do that", Really, let me film you secertly and then you will believe me, 45 min. after coming home on the fourth.

LuvsTaz

Are we talking about the same person? Oh wait, mine does 15-18 per day, and yes everyday starts with 4 in that first hour, sometimes even 5 in that first hour. I hate it!

I don't know for how long yours has been doing this, but mine has been doing that many every day for about 10 years, the 8-9 years prior to that it was more like the 9-12 per day you speak of.

I can only offer hugs and prayers as I am in the same boat.

Jen

ReflectingOnMe

18 to 30 from 230 p.m. until he passed out around 11. They know how much they are drinking; because they are the ones counting them each morning to see if they have enough to get through until the next beer run.!

SparkleKitty

If I had 9 - 12 beers ONCE I would be in the ground, much less 4 in 1 hour!!

Audrey1

If I had two I'd be on the ground! I'm such a lightweight!

Loughborough

Hi, yes, in my opinion it is too much also. My husband was drinking about that many every day, when I started posting here (again) not too long ago.

Right now, he just had a second stroke and when we went for the neuro f/u appointment, they said they don't want him driving because he has blacked out twice without warning (not from the drinking--well at least I don't think it was because of the drinking) until they find out where the stroke came from and why he has blacked out. So, since he cannot drive now, I have "control" in a way.

He wanted ME to pick him up some beer while I was out the other day, I said no, then he wanted me to take him to get beer, I also said no. He was mad, but I stood my ground and am glad I did (I almost gave in, what kept me going was the thought of what am I teaching my childen who I am sure heard all this--and the kids are 19 and 22, but at least that thought kept me from "enabling" him.)(It was New Year's Eve day, he said he wanted it "to enjoy later tonight, it's a special occasion.") I told him he drinks it everyday no matter what, special occasion or not, he said he didn't and again wanted it "just for tonight." He said, "well I haven't had a drink since my stroke," but yes, he has, and I told him so. He denied it. Right now, he hasn't had a drink in 2 days. He hasn't mentioned it since either.

I have a feeling once he can drive again, he will be drinking again.

4444lost

been doing it 6-7 years that way but 20+yrs been drinking every day, its good to know I am not alone, big hugs to every supporter out there, everyone needs a place to vent

Katiekate

9 to 12 beers is a ridiculous amount to be drinking every night.

A couple of beers a couple of nights a week is a normal amount.

ZiggyB

In my opinion that is way too many...

Most doctors define moderate drinking as 1 drink a day for women or 2 drinks a day for men.

JMFburns

It is time to count what you are spending your night doing . . . take the focus off the beer drinker and put it on yourself, try an AlAnon meeting, go for a walk, read Codependent No More, etc.

Counting the beers they drink or even having conversations with them about the number of beers they drink is pointless. Start making your life count by doing your own thing.

dollydo

The bottom line is...can you live with him as he is? 1 beer or 100 a night, the number does not make any difference.

If I remember correctly you are a recovering alcoholic, is this really a healthy enviornment for you?

Recovering2

I have to agree. I was counting those small wine bottles. My counselor told me to stop counting, stop looking for them, stop showing them to my AB. It was only affecting me. So I detached from those behaviors, and it helped. Focus on what you're doing in the relationship, work on your self care. Find AlAnon. It doesn't matter if he's drinking 2 or 22, if he has to drink every day he has a problem. But it's up to him to change. You can only change you.

4444lost

agree with you totall, starting working on myself today,today is mine and tomm. and the next........

4444lost

I took pills for 7 years been in treat. 6 years ago, many relapses, have not used in 6 months

TakingCharge999

Congratulations 4444!!
Codependent no more is a great read.

dollydo

"have not used in 6 months"

That's great, now keep focusing on you, not him.

4444lost

The main reason I searched for help I was ready to break down and get some pills, and I just didnt wanted that unhappness in my life, all that did was bring temparary relief and pain and a lot of guilt for not being able to handle my problems sober,I dont want that road ever again, the withdrawls are horriable.

dollydo

"is this really a healthy enviornment for you?"

So, the answer is no, if you were thinking of getting some pills, his drinking is putting your recovery in jeporady.

Might be time to draw the line in the sand, this relationship is not healthy for you.

Zube

4444-

Yeah, I drank 9-12 beers per night. Sometimes more. Usually more on weekends. And I most definitely am an alcoholic (recovering).

That many beers per night puts him in the top 1% of drinking by volume in America.

Usually the 1%ers get help, or die.

You right. Not much of an argument.

You can carry the message, but you cannot carry the alcoholic. There are some Al-anons around these forums who are far wiser than me in lending advice. But your husband is in deep. It is almost impossible to stop at that pace without help.

Best thoughts, prayers, and wishes,
Zube

4444lost

I agree its not healthy, I have know this for years now, a line HAS been drawn and its up to him now, I will not go back and forth with him and I told him I AM NOT BACKING DOWN. I have been walked on tooooooo long.