lovingenabler

Im tying my arms to my back to not write my XABF for New Years tonight!!! We split 8 days ago, today is 5th day of me going mj contact!! That is all!! Helppppp!! He is still my Facebook friend and has been liking my pics and statuses but has not written and he knows I will NOT take him back unless he seeks out help...

I am sooo done humiliating myself... Words of support please??? Anyone going thru this same tuff decision of not writing or calling their A tonight???

ZiggyB

Well I struggle with it a lot but know there's no point in getting in touch with him anymore.

If I was you I would remove your ex from your Facebook, why do you need the constant reminder of him and what he is doing? It won't help you to move on...

Momzo

You can do it! It's been 15 days of NC for me. I would block him from your Facebook..then you'll have 0 NC. I know it's hard, but its the best for both of you. You need to let him go for him to have a chance of getting help. You cannot enable him. He needs to understand he needs help and get it for himself. Hang in there sweetie 😺. I. Broke it off w my xABF the first time apx 1.5 years ago. After 3 months, he came back promising he will change and get better. Dumb me believed him. He asked me to marry him last Christmas Eve, dumb me said yes. I had such dreams for us. I knew months ago it was over between us. I couldn't be an enabler anymore. He wasn't going to change. I'm leaving it up to God now. If you love him, you need to let go and let God take over.

It will be ok. It will get better. You will feel happy again. I promise you that!!!

Hugs to you!

Katiekate

Happy New Year to you to honey!!!!!!

Well done.

Unfriend him, block him, you do not need it.

You are in my thoughts,

I remember so well the impulse to make contact.

dollydo

I agree with the others, block him, befriend him, it will make it alot easier for you.

Be strong, you can do this.

Happy New Year!

Diva76

I agree with the other posters regarding the Facebook account...
In my case, I broke-up with FB altogether and it was the best decision I made...
Any time, after we broke up and I got a glimpse of his bloated face or other indicators that he's still "at it" all it did was upset me...
Breaking up with someone is hard enough without the added element of an addiction issue....
Whatever you can do to make things more bearable for you is where it's at right now..
So, if removing him from your FB page will ease some of the emotionality of this situation for you, I say do it....

I'm sorry you are hurting, but with time and lots of it, you will see that you are much better off.....

Linda

h00ped

His liking your photos etc is "baiting" you to make contact again. Manipulative moves, blocking is a good idea.

I'm in the same boat as you, for me it's been about 15 days NC. I debated whether to go NC during such a "sentimental" time, but really, there's no reason to put off what is the right thing to do I guess. Hope you have a strong New Year's and we're here to support you!

Confetti

Be strong! You can do it!

The first weeks are the toughest. I still have to maintain minimal contact with my STBXAH Regarding visitation of our children, but I have found that the best action for my well being is having no/as little as possible personal contact. But in order to get to this place I had slips, I called, I e-mailed, and I texted him thinking that maybe, just maybe he had enough time to come around. Now, I stick with katiekate's little mantra she wrote to me once...."no new contact, no new pain."

Read a book, watch a good movie, make yourself an amazing meal, hang out with friends, and keep your mind off of him!

BunnyNest

I just went no contact with my loved one. It is so hard. I'd tried several times previously, but each time I was pulled back in by a text from him, or a FB post, or a FB contact. This time I didn't even say anything, bc I knew I wouldn't be able to say no to his arguments against my 'leaving.' I had to block him via email, text and FB.

Take good care of yourself.

brokenrose

Hi lovingenabler, so it is 2 minutes to new years and I am writing to you and all other sr friends so I am not tempted to text him...I would never judge you if you did contact him, I know how difficult the pull is....but what all these people have said is true, you only hurt worse especially when they reply to a text and they are nice but they are still telling you its over, he has been gone 2 months but I've only gone no contact 10 days, it is empowering, let him miss you if that's what you want....but know if he misses you and comes back and is still drinking, you will probably feel this pain all over again when he leaves again....I'm not trying to be harsh, I just believe truly that is what they (addicts) do. I am crying as I write this but at least I'm crying here and not letting him see my tears. We have to believe it will get better, we just have to. Here's to an amazing 2013!

lovingenabler

Hey Guys!!!

I am finding it very helpful to redefine him in my head. I am realizing that "the man of my dreams" was really just a "very charming, talented, handsome man addicted to alcohol" who knew how to please me enough at first to suck me into the role of enabler. The more I analyze the beginning of our relationship, the more I put two and two together... The fact that it took him 8 months of intense dating to "commit" to a relationship, the fact that I suprised him e-mailing his ex at about the same time, the fact that our relationship started in bars, bars, bars and more bars, and after I got tired of going to bars all the time, the drinking continued at home........

It is extremely painful realizing that the person you were (are still) in love with was a lie, an idealism you fabricated in your mind and slowly discovered was not true. It is sad to have believed all those kind words, all those promises of a future togehter, knowing that the primary reason he was sticking with you was that you allowed him to drink his ars off!!!!!! So sad to admit that when it came down to making a decision between alcohol and this relationship, he chose alcohol..... So sad all these things, because they're true!!!

Hang in there, all of you!!!!!! I DID NOT CONTACT HIM LAST NIGHT!!!! I AM CHAMP!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Thanks for all your support

Diva76

You are so welcome!!!
I am very proud of you...
Although, you are upset (rightfully, so...)
You are making some fabulous choices...
Go on, girl!
Btw, I could relate to a lot of the things you mentioned
(paticularily the months of intense dating prior to committing to a relationship..)
Are you sure we weren't dating the same guy??
We both deserve so much more than the crumbs men like this throw our way....
Remember, the only person who is in charge of your self-worth is you!
Don't ever let someone else's poor treatment of you make you feel less than the special person that you are...

Wishing you the very best,


Linda