Not Alone

Old 12-31-2012, 10:50 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Not Alone

Hi, I found you all through a google search, what to do with a high functioning alcoholic. My husband doesn't drink during the week as he works third shift, but man, come Friday morning he is on a tear and will drink away Friday and Saturday both. We sometimes bicker when he's sober but have full blown fights when he is drunk. He buys, hides and drinks vodka. When he's drinking only beer is easier to get along with, but when he's drinking vodka I can tell because he gets snippy, tries to pick fights, says things he doesn't mean, etc.
I dream of a life without him, but alternately love him and am committed to my marriage vows. I knew he had a problem when I married him, just not that it would get worse or continue, which is my mistake. We have two little girls and are able to contain the worst of the fighting to keep it away from them.
I am just so sick of it. Sick of fighting, sick of being alert to how much or what he is drinking and thus modifying my own mood and responses to be as non inflammatory as possible...
He isn't in denial completely, he knows he needs help but hasn't reached out for it. He told me last week on Sunday, before he had to go to work, that he had a problem. I said, I know you do, so get some help, tell me what I can do. He didn't have an answer to that. He walked out on us in September and when he came back promised he would go to counseling with me but never did. He says now that he doesn't need marriage counseling. I feel that 95% of our issues as a married couple stem from his drinking. Even our intimate life has suffered because as much as he may want to he can't perform when he's drunk (and do I really want him to? NO).
I drink too, not as much as I did when we met, but I come from a family of social drinkers and don't mind having some beers or wine with everyone. The difference between him and I is that I am able to have a beer and then switch to pop or water knowing I have to drive him home (he hasn't had a drivers license in the 12 years we have been together due to three DUIs before we met). I am able to stop drinking even if there are still beers in the fridge. I don't have a problem never drinking again if that is what it takes. He can't not drink, if there is alcohol in the house he consumes it. He can't think, well, I should really slow down because I have to go to an event, he doesn't function that way. He came to our daughter's church Christmas pageant pretty buzzed and just reeking and then had a huge fight when his parents said something to him about it (they don't drink at all).
I don't know why I joined this board, just to spew out this story I guess. I am so disgusted. I love him so much, when he's sober. And hate him so much when he's not. I need help but don't want to leave him. Co dependent, enmeshed, you betcha.
Thanks for reading.
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Old 12-31-2012, 11:11 AM
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" I knew he had a problem when I married him, just not that it would get worse or continue, which is my mistake. We have two little girls and are able to contain the worst of the fighting to keep it away from them."

Welcome, take some time to read the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs.

Unfortunately, whether you realize it or not, your girls hear and see everything, although they internalize their fears. Children will carry their childhood into adulthood. Google "Children of Drug/Alcohol Addicts" might help you to better understand what the real effect this enviornment is and will have on them. I was raised in a home where addiction was present, I still bear the scars today.

Read around this and the Family & Friends Forum, addiction is addiction, whether it be alcohol or sustance abuse.

Keep posting, it will help.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:21 PM
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Echo what Dolly says... my fathers alcoholism affected all six of his children in very negative ways. All of us either became A's or married one...or two... a common sad statistic of alcoholic homes of origin and that is just the tip of the iceberg for my highly dysfunctional family.

Welcome to the SR family where we all support one another in our own personal journeys that can get pretty complicated and difficult along the path.
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