Justshy

I'm not sure how this forum works. Does each post stand individually or do people see my past posts? Just not sure how much of my "story" to tell in each post. My husband has been sober 7 days. Spent 3 days in rehab/detox, followed by 4 days at a hotel with his parents (they were here visiting). They left today and instead of returning home, my husband is staying in a hotel for a week (to think,he said). When he left today, he said he would still come see the kids everyday after his day program (at the rehab center) and would hang out here on New Years Eve. He just called tonight and said he heard about an AA party tonight at a meeting and he is going to go there instead. A party with people he has never met rather than spend the evening with his kids and wife? Am I wrong to be upset.

Pelican

If you look on the left side of the screen, above my avatar (picture of Pelican) you see my screen name Pelican. If you click on my screen name, a drop down menu appears. One of the options is "Find more posts by Pelican". Members who wish to read your *back story* can use that option to read your history.

So, now you have a day to enjoy your children all to yourself!? Make a Plan B and enjoy your acccomplishments.

One thing that may help, is reading in your new book. I learned how to change my *stinking thinking* after reading Codpendent No More (it took a couple readings to sink in for me).

You can remove your self from being a victim of his action by accepting this:
He is not doing these thing TO YOU, but doing them for himself.

Enjoy your day with your children. Have some fun!

ShootingStar1

Justshy, so glad that you're here on Sober Recovery. Lots of people will be by to share their stories with you.

Each thread stands by itself, so people can scroll through from the original post to all the replies. If they want to see your earlier posts or threads you started, they can click on your user name, and a choice bar will pop up. So, you might want to add a bit of history in your first post on a new thread so people connect to your story. But many people keep reading, so they'll know you and your story soon.

It is very difficult to be married to an alcoholic, even one in recovery. My AH did not choose to stop drinking, so I left him and filed for divorce. From what I understand here, the first days and weeks of sobriety are very hard and an A needs to concentrate primarily and sometimes solely on staying sober. Part of that can be avoiding triggering events. So perhaps, your RAH (recovering alcoholic husband) may want the support and knowledge of those in AA on a night such as New Year's Eve which has so many associations with drinking for so many people.

If you haven't done a lot of reading here yet, one thing people say about alcoholism is the 3 C's:Your RAH sounds like he's working hard to stay sober, and people here would suggest that you need to let him do what he needs to do, whether or not that's what you'd like him to do. A number of wives of AHs have been posting here recently, and their AHs have gotten sober and are working hard at it, so there will be people who can tell you their stories. If I had to sum up what I've read from them, it's that it's not easy to be with a newly recovering spouse, but it's worth it.

If it were me, I'd celebrate that I had a husband who really wanted to beat alcoholism, and use New Year's Eve, whether with him or not, to look forward to a better sober coming year that what the past has probably been.

Take care, come back and post as often as you want, we'll be here.

ShootingStar1

Brae

Welcome!

Are you wrong to be feeling upset?

I hate to answer your question with a question but...Are feelings ever wrong?

You are so brave for posting and sharing your story. I can really relate. Keep coming back for support. This place was the beginning of a path that has changed my life in ways that I can explain. It has been an amazing blessing. The only advice I will give to you is this...Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, do something fun with your children...take some time for you and for them...you deserve it.

BoxinRotz

My husband has been sober since Dec 9th and although he did not leave, if he said he had to, I would let him go where ever he needed to. I know it's hard to seperate yourself from this but sometimes, they need that space to find themselves without back ground noise.

I'll tell you what. I am so grateful that my husband has worked the last 2 days in OT because I quit smoking on the 27th. I went cold and if he were at the house, I think I'd have to hurt him. lol I needed that time ALONE! He needed that time AWAY from me.

Give him time. You take time and get yourself together for you and the kids. You guys are on your way into a new life just as my AH and I are. It's not going to be easy but we have to do it and be as healthy and mentally fit as we possibly can to succeed and have a strong bond and great marriage.

I wish you, your husband and family well!

onthewaythere

Let him go. My girlfriend gets mad at me for doing things with AA people instead of her but I need to re-learn life without drinking. It's easier to do in places that there is no chance of alcohol being present and with those that understand my problem. My plans change frequently or get canceled a lot because for me, I lost a major stress reliever (alcohol) and socializing with those that no longer have that crutch lets me learn how to deal without alcohol. You can complain to him about this and let him get stressed and relapse, or accept that he needs your support and that it's not you, it's him that must get through this himself.

Edit:
Also, he may be trying to block memories to help stay sober. I don't like going to certain places or doing things with certain people because I remember the memories -- getting drunk. I then start to question my progress. I ask why am I not "normal" like others, etc. This is not a position I want to put myself in, so it's easier to learn that on times like New Years, where the majority of people celebrate with drinking, there are a ton of alternative things to do. Think about what's going to be on TV if he spends the night with you -- partying and drinking. You don't want him to think he's missing out on something right?