cranapple

Once again I'm sitting here crying and being upset over EXABF. I moved out right before thanksgiving which seemed to trigger him into going to rehab. We had a couple of things to settle so I'd left him a voicemail to call me about them when he was out. He texted me the morning he left and I called him and we talked for a long time. He was a completely different person, the person I begged him to be for years, the one I was really in love with. So what do I do? I ask him to lunch the next day. We had lunch and he asked me to hang out the next night too and before we know it we're back together, just taking things slow, still living separately of course. We went hiking, we had dinner, we had spend the night nights, breakfast, etc and NO drinking!! woo hoo!! I thought everything was going great.

We celebrated Christmas together over the weekend because I was going out of own and he said he was going to a party with his serenity group for Christmas. Christmas night on my way home I called him and he ignored me. I called him twice more and he finally texted that he was watching a movie and would talk to me the next day. My feelings are hurt of course and I finally call him Thursday so see what the deal is and he wants to break up with me. He has offered me no explanation at all!! He refuses to talk about it with me and has already joined match.com. I am beyond hurt. I tried to talk to him today and he still refuses to discuss his reasoning. I have been moping around depressed and crying for getting myself back in this situation. I wasn't even this sad when I moved out. I just wish he cared. He seems to not give a rats behind about me or my feelings. Ugh!!!!!!! And to make things worse, new years would be our four year anniversary. Thanks for listening to my long rant. I appreciate it.

dollydo

"he wants to break up with me."

He is your EX he can't break up with you, it's already a done deal...right?

I am sorry, sometimes recovering addicts use previous relationships as a bridge...then they move on to new frontiers.

Go no contact, take care of you...you will be fine, it will take some time, be patient.

My best for 2013, a new beginning for you!

Tuffgirl

Good heavens - already joined match.com - what is wrong with people today? Oh wait, yes, I know the answer to that already, they are incapable of being alone with themselves long enough to have a love affair with themselves, so they can then go out and love someone else.

Well, at least you know some poor unlucky lady is going to get to ride the ride you are trying to get off. Because I can assure you a couple weeks doesn't change a man from an addict to the perfect guy. And so his actions now show it. He's the same old jerk you ended things with before Thanksgiving.

Well, unlike me, you got to see his true colors in quick fashion! I hung in for another year of being treated like a doormat before it finally dawned on me that you can wring the alcohol out of a drunk a$$hat, and you still have an a$$hat.

Now go live your life - it is waiting, exactly where you left it! And I think its going to be a good one.
~T

FeelingGreat

It must have been gut wrenching.
That long silence from him make me think he might have relapsed and not wanted to tell you.
Whatever the reason, it's not about you Cranapple, YOU are about YOU.

cranapple

I thought that exact thing, the fact that he wouldn't speak with me on the phone. I hope he didn't but it was definitely my first thought!

Oh well, Ya'll are right, at least I haven't gotten back in too deep. I feel sorry for the poor woman he ropes in next.

Recovering2

Sounds like it would continue to be a roller coaster with him. I'm betting he relapsed, based on the sudden change in his behavior. But even if not (and I hope not) it's true that if he is the same personality now as when he was drinking then you are better off. Try to think of NY's as the beginning of your new life, not as the anniversary of an unhappy past relationship. Go celebrate YOU.

Salrared

I agree and think he relapsed (hence not picking up the phone). I have dealt with this with my on son....he would text and instead of calling. It was so obvious why. Especially with him telling you he would talk to you not even that night....that means to me a big relapse. He did NOT want you to hear his voice....the slurring, etc...the typical routine you know too well.

You don't deserve to be treated this way. Sometimes it is tough but you have to let go the people you love the most because they can't treat you with love and respect you deserve. For him to join match.com and TELL you that is just beyond hurtful. WHY in the world would he tell you this. Listen to his words and pay attention to his actions and let him go.

Please take care of you.....you are the most important person in this case.

redatlanta

My guess is relapse as well.

Sorry I know this is painful but open up the new year with more positive things ahead for you not another ride on the rollercoaster!

Recovering2

This is an excerpt from today's reading from a great book I ready every day. The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

"Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, ending, and new beginnings."

Try, even in your pain, to be grateful for new beginnings. Learn the lessons, learn that you are important and worthy, and look forward. I hope 2013 is peaceful and happy for you.

Rosiepetal

Sorry for your hurt Cranapple.
They are so confusing aren't they.
I left my abf, he went to an ex & in the past few weeks he has cheated on her & been in trouble twice with her & even admitted to me it was caused by alcohol.
Talk about bang your head against a wall!
Anyway I know it doesn't make it any easier but we are here for you so vent all you like.
Hugs.
:ghug3

LifeRecovery

The finality of the last time I left made it harder for me.

I knew there was no going back, ever. I let reality in and it hurt.

I am sorry for your hurt but glad you are taking care of you.

Boxguy

Hope you're ok cranapple stay strong

lovingenabler

Going through the painful hit of this myself....I share your pain.... Hang in there, dear!!!! You are not alone..... And this will not be your last chance at love!!! Learn from it and make sure you don't fall in the same hole again when you meet someone new. Learn how much you are worth and don't stick around to people who don't get your needs met. Take care of yourself. You were born alone, this is you life. Live it to best suit YOUR needs, seek out YOUR happiness. True love will come, and it will come in the most beautiful way. Just let go. And carry on. My best wishes to you.