Worried about my sister, advice please?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
Worried about my sister, advice please?
Hi everyone,
I'm here for some advice, my sister and her husband have alcohol issues and their behavior is really worrying me and the rest of my family.
They have always liked to drink too much and have a very volatile relationship, usually having horrible drunk arguments but things seemed to calm down when they got married and she got pregnant, probably because she stopped drinking.
He is definitely an alcoholic although he's never admitted it, he drinks daily but not always to excess, I guess it takes him a lot to get to the point of actually getting drunk! He hides drinks around the place and is very sneaky about it. She doesn't drink all the time but when she does she doesn't know her limit, she gets into a total state where she can't talk properly and can't even walk.
The problem now is that I have a gorgeous 1 year old niece and I'm worried that it will affect her. When she was first born things seemed ok but my sister was diagnosed with post natal depression. She dealt with that head on seeking councilling and was put on medication, which has really helped however the drinking started again and on her meds she gets drunk even faster.
I have tried to talk to her but she puts everything down to the depression, I've even said that drinking wont help as it is a depressant but she didn't seem to take that on board.
The person I'm most worried about is my niece, if my sister is so drunk she can't even look after herself, how can she be able to look after a 1 year old, I'm terrified that she could drop her while drunk and that she could get really hurt.
Has anyone else had a similar situation and how did they address it? It's become such an elephant in the room and I'm not sure how to deal with it anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
I'm here for some advice, my sister and her husband have alcohol issues and their behavior is really worrying me and the rest of my family.
They have always liked to drink too much and have a very volatile relationship, usually having horrible drunk arguments but things seemed to calm down when they got married and she got pregnant, probably because she stopped drinking.
He is definitely an alcoholic although he's never admitted it, he drinks daily but not always to excess, I guess it takes him a lot to get to the point of actually getting drunk! He hides drinks around the place and is very sneaky about it. She doesn't drink all the time but when she does she doesn't know her limit, she gets into a total state where she can't talk properly and can't even walk.
The problem now is that I have a gorgeous 1 year old niece and I'm worried that it will affect her. When she was first born things seemed ok but my sister was diagnosed with post natal depression. She dealt with that head on seeking councilling and was put on medication, which has really helped however the drinking started again and on her meds she gets drunk even faster.
I have tried to talk to her but she puts everything down to the depression, I've even said that drinking wont help as it is a depressant but she didn't seem to take that on board.
The person I'm most worried about is my niece, if my sister is so drunk she can't even look after herself, how can she be able to look after a 1 year old, I'm terrified that she could drop her while drunk and that she could get really hurt.
Has anyone else had a similar situation and how did they address it? It's become such an elephant in the room and I'm not sure how to deal with it anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Tazzo - Welcome to SR sorry for the reasons you are here.
I have not had to deal with the same situation - there will be others along who have and can give you advice.
Please read as much as you can on here about alcoholism and post often.
I have not had to deal with the same situation - there will be others along who have and can give you advice.
Please read as much as you can on here about alcoholism and post often.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, tazzo. Please read the "stickies" at the top of our home page - lots of good resources there for dealing with addictions. But also understand the three C's. You don't cause anyone to drink, you can't cure anyone, and you can't control it.
That said, knowing this isn't anything you or your family have any control over, but knowing everyone is rightfully worried, have you tried to talk with your sister about her situation? Sharing your concerns is one thing; demanding change is another. We can have a conversation without trying to control things.
I know its very troubling when there is a baby involved. That scares a lot of us around here. But unfortunately, this one is your sister's responsibility. The best you can do is offer support for her to find her way out of this, and be there if that baby needs care when her parents are unable to give it.
Keep coming back!
~T
That said, knowing this isn't anything you or your family have any control over, but knowing everyone is rightfully worried, have you tried to talk with your sister about her situation? Sharing your concerns is one thing; demanding change is another. We can have a conversation without trying to control things.
I know its very troubling when there is a baby involved. That scares a lot of us around here. But unfortunately, this one is your sister's responsibility. The best you can do is offer support for her to find her way out of this, and be there if that baby needs care when her parents are unable to give it.
Keep coming back!
~T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
Thank you Tuffgirl, you are right. I can't control it or demand change. I have tried to talk about it with her but she gets defensive, maybe I'm not approaching it in the right way. I think she knows that I have concerns but maybe she's not ready to face things, so any thing any one says just wont sink in or change anything. I guess it has to come from herself.
Has anyone else dealt with helping an alcohol abuser face up to things? How did they approach it? Or has anyone's recovery been helped by someone talkng to them about it?
Has anyone else dealt with helping an alcohol abuser face up to things? How did they approach it? Or has anyone's recovery been helped by someone talkng to them about it?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi, before and after her painful marriage break-up my AS was drinking very heavily. We (her sisters) talked to her many times but nothing worked. The outcome was v sad. One of her children became feral for a while at age 13, and the other (now a young adult) cut off all contact from the age of 16. Both opted to live with their father who also drank but handled it better.
I can confirm the three Cs as nothing we said influenced her. Not even losing her children was able to wake her up and she finally achieved a limited recovery by meeting and marrying a very steady guy. But the fall-out from her heavy drinking days still lives on.
I'm sorry this is not a hopeful tale.
Your sister may eventually respond to gentle reason but only if she is thinking the same way herself. You are treading a fine line, but as you can't control her, maybe you could concentrate on your niece? Be there for your sister and try not to be too judgemental. If she decides to tackle her drinking it will help her if you're still around.
I can confirm the three Cs as nothing we said influenced her. Not even losing her children was able to wake her up and she finally achieved a limited recovery by meeting and marrying a very steady guy. But the fall-out from her heavy drinking days still lives on.
I'm sorry this is not a hopeful tale.
Your sister may eventually respond to gentle reason but only if she is thinking the same way herself. You are treading a fine line, but as you can't control her, maybe you could concentrate on your niece? Be there for your sister and try not to be too judgemental. If she decides to tackle her drinking it will help her if you're still around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,747
Hi Tazzo
My experience with such family problems is that you can sometimes try too hard, and become the brunt of blame and accusations of interfering and causing more problems.
You rightly have stated that alcohol is an depressant and copped some flack for that.
Unless your niece is seen as in some obvious form of danger there seems little you can do.
Read the stickies by all means. Good luck with your problem.
My experience with such family problems is that you can sometimes try too hard, and become the brunt of blame and accusations of interfering and causing more problems.
You rightly have stated that alcohol is an depressant and copped some flack for that.
Unless your niece is seen as in some obvious form of danger there seems little you can do.
Read the stickies by all means. Good luck with your problem.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Taszzo, I'm sorry to say that from my own experience and from what I have read here that there really isn't any way to talk rationally to someone with a drinking problem about their drinking until they recognize they have a problem.
As for your niece I have no experience to offer you other than what Tuffgirl has already said.
((((Hugs))))
Your friend,
As for your niece I have no experience to offer you other than what Tuffgirl has already said.
((((Hugs))))
Your friend,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
