kim86

I am the wife of a recoverying alcoholic. My husband had quit drinking for about a year and a half now and all of a sudden he hit a relapse and is determined to continue drinking. He was sneaking behind my back and lying to me and going out to get drunk. I had to literally go find him and drag him home. I waited until he was sober and I had asked him why he would throw away all the hard work he had been doing. His response was nothing was working out for him and he was getting stressed out. i have managed to keep him home and busy so he can't go out to drink but he said he is determined to drink for New Years... I have no idea how or what to do or say to help him get back on track. It was really scarry before he quit. He was falling every where urinating anywhere passing out in his own urine he was really sick almost to the point where he could have died. I would hate to see him take this path again and throw away all the hard work we have accomplised together. Can anyone give me any suggestions as to what I can do to help him? I know they say you cant help an alcoholic unless they help themselves first but i know he does not want to drink he is just having a hard time right now. some one please help I feel so alone on this I love him and I want him to be with me I do not have to want to rush him to the hospital again.

Ann

Welcome Kim, I moved your post to a new thread so you don't get lost here.

You are among friends here who understand because they have been where you are. Sadly, there is not much you can do to change him, only he can do that, but you don't have to throw your life away trying.

Some stay and find happiness, some leave, it's not for us to tell you what to choose. But we do understand and hope you find support and comfort here.

Hugs

thislonelygirl

Hi kim. You say he does not want to drink yet he is and said he wants to drink new years.
It sounds like he is back on the hamster wheel and you are trying everything to get him off.
I am sorry you are going through this. I too fear for my ah and that he will destroy the opportunitiesc in life he has been given. Have you asked him to attend aa? You could get o woth him to an open one.
Has he spoken to his doctor about quitting? Looked at inpatient and outpatient rehabs?
If he refuses...there isnt much you can do to make him other than letting him figure it out for himself

sesh

Sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how hard it is.
I wish there is an advice I can give you, a magic solution to put him back on the right track. But there is no such a thing.
No matter what you do or don't do he will do the only thing he wants to and can do. I am afraid it is as simple as that. Exremelly painful but simple.
In my opinion the only thing you can do is let him know what is acceptable for you and what is not, and that will be one more thing he'll need to think about.
At the end it is his choice only.
I hope you'll take care of yourself.

I wish you well

Recovering2

Sadly, there isn't much you can do to help him. In this disease, they have to recognize the problem and help themselves. It is a "contagious" disease, in that it makes everyone around them ill as well. Trying to keep him busy, bringing him back home, reasoning with him...that makes you ill over time. "Addicted to the Addicted"
The only thing you can do is detach from his behaviors and focus on your own sanity and health. Don't lecture him, don't stop him from going out, don't drag him home, don't empty bottles, don't count bottles, etc. Painful to do, but it can be done. Go to AlAnon for yourself. Let him suffer the natural consequences of his choices. No consequence = No change.
Stay on here, there is a lot of support and wisdom.

m1k3

Kim, there are happy endings but sometimes it turns out that they are not the ones you expect. I have seperated from my AW for 20 months now. We were married 36 years when I left.

What I have discovered is that I can live a good, sane and healthy life even if our marriage is for all purposes over. I was much stronger than I ever believed possible and have found contentment being in my own company.

I hope your husband finds his way back to recovery but that is something only he can do for himself.

Your friend,

kim86

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I have contacted my husbands AA sponsor and he is willing to help me attend AA meetings. I have thought about separating from my husband but cannot find it in my heart to do so. My husband has been sober since I brought him home he says he swears he is only going to have drinks on holidays and special occassions. I am worried that his plan may lead to heavier alcohol use. So far I have just been sitting back quiet I havent yeled screamed or said anything to him about his drinking. I try to keep myself as busy as possible so I do not try to think about the worst of things. He only attends AA meetings when he feels like it. he use to go 2-3 times a week but now he only goes when he wants to go. I keep telling him I love him and am here for him when ever he needs me. He has a hard time opening up to me and I have no idea why... He is my spouse he should feel comfortable enough to tell me anything. Thank you all for your support.. I will continue reading the forums and I will try to do what is best for myself.