AlAnon Question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 5
AlAnon Question
I have some questions about AlAnon...but first let me tell you my situation.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up twice during that time due to his drinking, but got back together when he "promised" he would change (how many times have we all heard that??). A little over a month ago, he decided to check himself into rehab. He's now out of rehab and in sober living. He's doing really well, but it's obviously very early and he has a long road ahead of him. After he got out of rehab, we mutually decided that we should not be together right now. He needs to focus on "fixing" himself and his sobriety, and I respect that. I also need to focus on myself and working through my emotions and memories of all that has happened over the past 18 months. Loving an addict is an addiction in itself, and it's going to take awhile for me to recover from it. We decided to still be friends and stay in touch, and maybe one day down the road we will get back together, or maybe not.
So here is my question. I'm feeling very isolated and like no one understands what I am going through (which is why I'm here!). My friends don't understand why I stuck with him for so long and now that we aren't together they think I should be celebrating and dating again. They don't get that I still love him and that I have so much to work through. So I'm thinking about going to an AlAnon meeting, but I want more information. Are AlAnon meetings like AA meetings or are they different? Are the people who attend mostly people currently dealing/living with an alcholic friend or family member? I've heard people talking about an AlAnon "program"...what does that mean? Would I be "out of place" becuase I am no longer with my boyfriend and/or becuase he's in recovery?
Sorry this is long, and a lot of questions. I'm just nervous about going and taking that step. I almost feel like a fraud...like my situation isn't bad/extreme enough to warrant going to meetings.
I live in Phoenix, AZ....so if anyone in the area goes to AlAnon meetings and would be willing to let me tag along the first time, send me a PM!
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up twice during that time due to his drinking, but got back together when he "promised" he would change (how many times have we all heard that??). A little over a month ago, he decided to check himself into rehab. He's now out of rehab and in sober living. He's doing really well, but it's obviously very early and he has a long road ahead of him. After he got out of rehab, we mutually decided that we should not be together right now. He needs to focus on "fixing" himself and his sobriety, and I respect that. I also need to focus on myself and working through my emotions and memories of all that has happened over the past 18 months. Loving an addict is an addiction in itself, and it's going to take awhile for me to recover from it. We decided to still be friends and stay in touch, and maybe one day down the road we will get back together, or maybe not.
So here is my question. I'm feeling very isolated and like no one understands what I am going through (which is why I'm here!). My friends don't understand why I stuck with him for so long and now that we aren't together they think I should be celebrating and dating again. They don't get that I still love him and that I have so much to work through. So I'm thinking about going to an AlAnon meeting, but I want more information. Are AlAnon meetings like AA meetings or are they different? Are the people who attend mostly people currently dealing/living with an alcholic friend or family member? I've heard people talking about an AlAnon "program"...what does that mean? Would I be "out of place" becuase I am no longer with my boyfriend and/or becuase he's in recovery?
Sorry this is long, and a lot of questions. I'm just nervous about going and taking that step. I almost feel like a fraud...like my situation isn't bad/extreme enough to warrant going to meetings.
I live in Phoenix, AZ....so if anyone in the area goes to AlAnon meetings and would be willing to let me tag along the first time, send me a PM!
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I only started going to AlAnon after I broke up with the alcoholic in my life. I had tried to go before, but he would not permit me to attend.
It is now two years since we separated, and I still go. There are others in my groups who have been attending regularly even though the alcoholics in their lives have left or found sobriety or died decades ago.
AlAnon is for anyone who has ever been affected by someone else's alcoholism, regardless of whether or not that situation is current. Dealing with alcoholism leaves its own scars behind, and AlAnon is there when those affected are ready. It is a program about love, not punctuality.
It is now two years since we separated, and I still go. There are others in my groups who have been attending regularly even though the alcoholics in their lives have left or found sobriety or died decades ago.
AlAnon is for anyone who has ever been affected by someone else's alcoholism, regardless of whether or not that situation is current. Dealing with alcoholism leaves its own scars behind, and AlAnon is there when those affected are ready. It is a program about love, not punctuality.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
Go, go, go! The sole purpose of Alanon is to offer support to anyone affected by alcoholism. Whatever the future of your relationship with your boyfriend, Alanon is for YOU! Try several different meetings, they all have a different "feel". Get some literature, read here, keep your own counsel. Not many who have not lived with an addict can truly understand.
Good luck and happy 2013!
Good luck and happy 2013!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 222
I didnt start Alanon until after the break up. It helps me realize that my situation is not entirely unique and I have been able to grasp a new perspective. The Alanon program parallels the AA 12-steps. There isnt anything you could say in there that hasn't touched someone else's life. It truly is focused on You..not the alcoholic. Many attendees have decades of experience with addicted love ones and they are a great sounding board. Judgements are not made. Advice not given. Listening and fellowship are in abundance.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
"My friends don't understand".....that's exactly the gift of AlAnon. People in those meetings DO understand, and never pass any judgement. There are people in all stages of recovery, just like on this sight. I am newer to AlAnon, so I am likely to cry in meetings listening to others! And there are those who have been involved for years, they have amazing wisdom to offer. Not everyone has an alcoholic in their life at this point. Some had alcoholic childhoods, old partners, etc. But the steps really teach us to be accountable for our own health and happiness.
The advise I was given was to attend 6 meetings before deciding if it was for me or not. Also, try different groups, but try each group at least twice. Well, I did that. Turned out the first group is where I felt most comfortable.
Good luck to you!!!
The advise I was given was to attend 6 meetings before deciding if it was for me or not. Also, try different groups, but try each group at least twice. Well, I did that. Turned out the first group is where I felt most comfortable.
Good luck to you!!!
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