Frustration....
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Frustration....
Things haven't really improved since I posted last. STBXAH has misses more phone calls than he has made to the children and when he does Call, it's right before bed so he only has to talk to them for a few minutes. Then he blames me....it's always my fault. Of course!
After several attempts to arrange visitation for the Christmas holidays and him not responding, I went ahead and planned Christmas with my kids. He texted Christmas Eve having a hissy fit that how dare I make plans. I allowed to see them for a couple of hours Christmas Day. He then requested five days with them. I reluctantly agreed. My daughters counsellor suggested that I let him see them ass much as possible as long as it is a safe environment(which it is). His grandmother and brother are both there as well.
However,now that he has had the children for a whopping 6 hours, several of our friends (which prior to today were all supportive of me) are changing their tune. He has sang them all a big song and dance about how they are his number one priority (mainly because his drinking pal gf has gone to see her family for Christmas) and I'm so frustrated!
He showed up with iPads for the 4 and 7 year old!!! And of course is making sure that everyone hears that. He is actually calling people to come by his grandmothers so they can see all the gifts he bought them.
Why can't they see what he's up to!
I know what he has going on,it's just frustrating to watch...
Thanks for letting me vent
After several attempts to arrange visitation for the Christmas holidays and him not responding, I went ahead and planned Christmas with my kids. He texted Christmas Eve having a hissy fit that how dare I make plans. I allowed to see them for a couple of hours Christmas Day. He then requested five days with them. I reluctantly agreed. My daughters counsellor suggested that I let him see them ass much as possible as long as it is a safe environment(which it is). His grandmother and brother are both there as well.
However,now that he has had the children for a whopping 6 hours, several of our friends (which prior to today were all supportive of me) are changing their tune. He has sang them all a big song and dance about how they are his number one priority (mainly because his drinking pal gf has gone to see her family for Christmas) and I'm so frustrated!
He showed up with iPads for the 4 and 7 year old!!! And of course is making sure that everyone hears that. He is actually calling people to come by his grandmothers so they can see all the gifts he bought them.
Why can't they see what he's up to!
I know what he has going on,it's just frustrating to watch...
Thanks for letting me vent
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
It took me awhile to realize that the nice things XABF did for me were for show, so he could brag to everyone else about all the wonderful things he did for me (and a hook to keep me feeling guilty about leaving). He'd cut me up in private but brag incessantly about me in public because the more valued I was in others' eyes the more of an asset I was because the better I made him look.
He's trying to buy affection.
My boyfriend is going through something similar with his ex and their daughter. Ever since the Master approved of his case for full custody and sent it to a judge she's been very active in trying to make sure that their daughter's Christmas was better at her house that M's (she got her daughter a computer, and meanwhile told her to ask Santa for something to be delivered to M's house but didn't let M know what it was), and is being "extra nice" to her. I will honestly confess that sometimes even I start to wonder if she's finally figured out the parenting thing and fixed her priorities, but it doesn't take long until she does something else to remind me that no, she's doing this out of fear of the custody case, and it's not about that sweet little girl after all.
In the meantime, though, she's treating their daughter better, and so for the short term it's good, as motives are less important in the short term than they are in the long run, and the truth will out when it matters. In the meantime there's a 7-year-old who is being less traumatized by her mother's bad behavior, and that's not a bad thing.
It takes effort to maintain the facade of "good behavior" - when it starts to fall apart, those who believed it will realize the truth, and also be less likely to fall for it again, especially if you continue on your course of the "next right thing" without actively arguing against their incorrect opinions. Stable behavior always wins in the end.
He's trying to buy affection.
My boyfriend is going through something similar with his ex and their daughter. Ever since the Master approved of his case for full custody and sent it to a judge she's been very active in trying to make sure that their daughter's Christmas was better at her house that M's (she got her daughter a computer, and meanwhile told her to ask Santa for something to be delivered to M's house but didn't let M know what it was), and is being "extra nice" to her. I will honestly confess that sometimes even I start to wonder if she's finally figured out the parenting thing and fixed her priorities, but it doesn't take long until she does something else to remind me that no, she's doing this out of fear of the custody case, and it's not about that sweet little girl after all.
In the meantime, though, she's treating their daughter better, and so for the short term it's good, as motives are less important in the short term than they are in the long run, and the truth will out when it matters. In the meantime there's a 7-year-old who is being less traumatized by her mother's bad behavior, and that's not a bad thing.
It takes effort to maintain the facade of "good behavior" - when it starts to fall apart, those who believed it will realize the truth, and also be less likely to fall for it again, especially if you continue on your course of the "next right thing" without actively arguing against their incorrect opinions. Stable behavior always wins in the end.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Originally Posted by StarCat 
It took me awhile to realize that the nice things XABF did for me were for show, so he could brag to everyone else about all the wonderful things he did for me
that is exactly my STBXAH. I havent' actually spoken to him in over a month. Other than for him to holler and me respond with "I do not need to listen to you speak to me in this manner" and hang up when he insisted he had a visitation issue to discuss with me. He is down right nasty to me in texts and the few times we have talked since I served him divorce papers in Oct. But he puts on this big show to everyone in town when he shows up. Telling them that he's been supporting us financially (HA! not until the third letter from the lawyer telling him that the emergency hearing for spousal/child support would be in three days), that he is such a devoted father, and that he is having difficulty dealing with ME! Not to mention that he supposedly quit drinking. (Which is just flat out not true...)
It's nice to know that someone else has been there...
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
I am still there with you Confetti. My Xmas holiday vent follows...
My XAH refused to see his kids on Xmas day and also gave them nothing. He is demanding he have them for New Years Eve when he will take them to a park in the city to watch fireworks. Now, that would be fine for a sober person with a car. However, he is a drunk and a drug addict, his smashed up car (smashed up the night he drove home drunk after quitting his job at a bar...) is still parked on my front lawn.
My kids + XAH @ a park, in the dark with a drunk using public transport? I DON'T THINK SO! He told me if I refused he would get an emergency hearing in court where he would prove to the judge how crazy I am and then he would get "full custody" I wished him luck with that.
Our state child support agency is also after him. He told them he had paid me child support - LIE! That's why he is quacking about custody now, if he has the kids he doesn't have to pay child support. I pointed out that he doesn't have bedrooms or beds or even closets for the kids at his place and he doesn't earn enough to cover the mortgage on the family home if he thinks he can get custody and kick me out of the family home, so good luck with that too.
He is currently on a "holiday" he claims was paid for by "a friend". I "thanked" the so called used-to-be-a-friend-of-both-of-ours. I hope XAH gets totally wasted and pees himself in front of all of what used to be mutual friends. Oh, he is on holiday in MY home town, a place he has refused to visit for more than 6 years because: "I hate that f*$^ing place and all the people in it". Not to mention he has phoned my brother since getting there and made attempts to get my brother to meet him in a bar.
There seems to be no end to his crazy. He won't be happy until he has isolated me from everyone, even my family. I begged my brother not to meet with XAH, but he will do what he wants to do...
My XAH refused to see his kids on Xmas day and also gave them nothing. He is demanding he have them for New Years Eve when he will take them to a park in the city to watch fireworks. Now, that would be fine for a sober person with a car. However, he is a drunk and a drug addict, his smashed up car (smashed up the night he drove home drunk after quitting his job at a bar...) is still parked on my front lawn.
My kids + XAH @ a park, in the dark with a drunk using public transport? I DON'T THINK SO! He told me if I refused he would get an emergency hearing in court where he would prove to the judge how crazy I am and then he would get "full custody" I wished him luck with that.
Our state child support agency is also after him. He told them he had paid me child support - LIE! That's why he is quacking about custody now, if he has the kids he doesn't have to pay child support. I pointed out that he doesn't have bedrooms or beds or even closets for the kids at his place and he doesn't earn enough to cover the mortgage on the family home if he thinks he can get custody and kick me out of the family home, so good luck with that too.
He is currently on a "holiday" he claims was paid for by "a friend". I "thanked" the so called used-to-be-a-friend-of-both-of-ours. I hope XAH gets totally wasted and pees himself in front of all of what used to be mutual friends. Oh, he is on holiday in MY home town, a place he has refused to visit for more than 6 years because: "I hate that f*$^ing place and all the people in it". Not to mention he has phoned my brother since getting there and made attempts to get my brother to meet him in a bar.
There seems to be no end to his crazy. He won't be happy until he has isolated me from everyone, even my family. I begged my brother not to meet with XAH, but he will do what he wants to do...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Posts: 230
Oh Lulu,
what an A$$!
My STBXAH is slowly working on everyone to isolate me too...
but on the plus side, one of the friends who went to see him e-mailed me today claiming that he was a pretty pathetic father while he was there. Said that he ignored the kids and my baby sat and cried most of the time.
It makes me wanna go and scoop up my kids, but they are clothed and fed, so I guess I'll just have to wait it out for now.
hang in there Lulu...this year is going to be great for all of us....I just know it!
what an A$$!
My STBXAH is slowly working on everyone to isolate me too...
but on the plus side, one of the friends who went to see him e-mailed me today claiming that he was a pretty pathetic father while he was there. Said that he ignored the kids and my baby sat and cried most of the time.
It makes me wanna go and scoop up my kids, but they are clothed and fed, so I guess I'll just have to wait it out for now. hang in there Lulu...this year is going to be great for all of us....I just know it!
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