FordPrefect

I'm new to this forum and also new to this type of life.

I'm a man in my 50s and have a wonderful wife who has a drinking problem. Her problem has been getting progressively worse over the last few years and has impacted our relationship but has had a bigger impact on her relationship with our college age kids.

I had challenged her a few times over the years about the amount that she drinks, she had been drinking a bottle of wine a day, every day but about a couple of years ago changed over to vodka.

We had an unrelated argument a few days ago and the next morning she broke down and admitted she thought that she was an Alcoholic. She has been sober now for over a week and the change is dramatic. She has told a few of our closest friends and our kids and they have been supportive, some saying that they had thought there was a problem. I've asked her to seek help from AA but she is reluctant to do that. I'm not sure that I can do this alone so am going to be looking at getting counseling for the two of us and may look at Al Anon.

Right now I am just happy that we can talk about the problem and work together to fix it. I'm a social drinker myself, typically I'll have one beer a night with dinner unless we are out at a party but I've told her that I am going to support her in this and not drink in the house or when we are out together. I've told her that I am proud of her and that she has 100% support from me.

If anyone has advice on things I should be reading or people or groups I should be talking to then I am happy to listen.

Ford.

thislonelygirl

Hey fordprefect.
Welcome to sr.
Congrats on your wifes newfound sobreity! I do agree aa or some program would be great for her.
And I think its excellent that you have chosen not to drink. You are giving her and yourself the biggest gift of support.
I too do not drink as a show of support and example for my ah. I truly believe that marriage and love is not selfish...it does not walk in front. It walks beside. So I applaud you for that.
Advice?...
Hmmmm....
I think you are getting all your ducks together so I dont know what advice as of now to give other
Than sr is a great way to meet others in the same boat and to get support for YOU.
Work on individual recovery (al anon) and together (to walk alongside each other on this journey)
Best wishes and welcome

MamaKit

Fordprefect,
Welcome to SR. It sounds as if your wife has bravely admitted her problem with alcohol and that is a very big step. There are many of us here who wish that our spouse or loved one would do the same. You will undoubtedly get some great advice on this forum. I think that your support of her is wonderful. But ultimately it is up to her to do the work required for recovery. You may discover that you have your own recovery to work on as well. Going to Al-anon is a very good plan.
Listen to her actions. Hopefully, she is genuine in her words ...but it is her deeds that matter.
Come here and post as often as you need to. I hope that SR becomes as good a resource to you as it has been for me.
Hugs,
MamaKit

Recovering2

It can be hard to walk into that first meeting. One suggestion, if she is willing to go to AA but nervous about the first time, find an "open" AA meeting and go with her. Non-alcoholics can attend open meetings, they just ask that you are quiet and don't share. Your wife can be quiet also, she doesn't have to speak if she isn't comfortable. You both may learn something from the group! And, yes, I would suggest AlAnon for you. You have your own recovery to work on, you may only start realizing that as you move forward.

I wish you and your wife a very happy, sober New Year. Glad you found SR, there is so much support here!