Sadconfused

Since I posted, things are still the same. I told him around thanksgiving that he had until christmas to get his act together. He has not of course which I didnt really expect him to. He is now back to spending most of his free time on his computer playing games and drinking. He is currently using his mother as his excuse to get drunk every night (she just cof to a yeaehab after 3 hospitalizations for hand santizer ODs on the last 3 weeks) so i guess his goal is to be like her. My two year was playing with me last night and said something about dada them quickly said oh dada not here, he's playing his game. This really shocked me and worries me about what eles she picks up on. I dont know which way to turn from here. Im.sure he doesnt remember my get your crap together speech so if I enforce the boundary I am going to get the whole but I didnt know and this is all out of no where blah blah blah. I want out, I am nervous 90% of the time I am with him and am generally unfufilled. It almost seems easier to just end it by saying its all me and walking away.

Pelican

I said it was all me and walked away. I believe it was FOR myself and my children that I left.

I finally realized:

My happiness is just as important as his.
My life is important.
My life has meaning.
I am important.

I left because I didn't like the person I had become while living with active addiction in my home.

I was babysitting, and mothering a grown middle aged man. I felt like I was running after him with a dust pan, mop, fire extenguisher and a checkbook. I was exhausted and decided to resign my position as his caregiver.

I also wanted to model healthy behavior to my children. I wanted to show them that it is okay to remove yourself from an unhealthy relationship. Ending the contract (marriage agreement) does not mean the end of my future. Ending the contract meant I have a chance at a better future.

I did end the relationship. I am glad I did.

Sadconfused

Wow sorry, autocorrect slaughtered my post lol.

Anyways thanks pelican, you are right. It is all me in a sense, I just cant live this anymore. He isn't willing to change so i have too. He will never see that so I dont see the point in the whole Im leaving because you wont quit, it will just lead to an arguement of you did this and that and a whole mess of manipulation so why not just tell him its all my fault and let him think what he wants as long as it ends.

m1k3

Hi Sadconfused and big ((((hugs)))).

I pretty much did the same as Pelican. To be honest it was all me. I had major problems with my wife's drinking and pill use, she didn't. It finally got to the point where the pain of staying was greater than the pain of leaving.

I didn't have the issue of children making the decision more complex because ours where already adults and had families of their own.

It has already been 20 months since I left. It wasn't easy but I don't regret it one bit. I am in a so much better place at this time. I know I still have the divorce ahead of me but there is nothing going on in my life that makes me want to step up to that right now.

Please keep coming back as this site played a HUGE role in providing me strength and support during those times.

Your friend,

lovesunandsnow

I was babysitting, and mothering a grown middle aged man. I felt like I was running after him with a dust pan, mop, fire extenguisher and a checkbook. I was exhausted and decided to resign my position as his caregiver."

pelican - Work up this am missing my ex-abf but reading what you just wrote that I quoted above is what I was doing and I don't miss that at all. It was and is exhausting to run after someone and caregive when they are drink and disrespect. Thanks for putting into words what I was just thinking.

Sadconfused - I am sending you tongs of hugs and glad to see you taking care of yourself. Keep on posting and working hard for what you and your daughter need.

dollydo

Your child hears and sees everything, although children internalize their fears. Believe me when I say that living in this enviornment will adverselly effect your child. Children carry their childhood into adulthood. This I know as I was raised in the home of an alcoholic.

Whether your husband really remembers is up for debate, they lie and basically refuse to
admit the truth.

Do what is best for you and your child.

My best to you in the New Year!