A message of hope
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A message of hope
I kicked my AH out of the house in late August of 2005. It was not the culmination of a well thought out plan, it was an act of anger and desperation. I just couldn't take it any more. It was one of the worst days of my life.
A few months later, when the holidays came, I was still hoping for sobriety and reconciliation. He was no where near sobriety. The kids and I both came down with the flu a few days before Christmas. I remember sleeping on the couch because I had a fever and chills and needed to be close to the wood stove, which at the time, was the only source of heat in the house. I had to chop my own kindling and haul wood in from the garage just to stay warm. Also, it was one of the coldest Decembers on record here. And I was working full time through it all trying to make ends meet, pay off the debt he had gotten us into, and still manage to get a few gifts for my children.
He wanted to come over on Christmas morning and bring gifts for the kids and watch them open them. I agreed. He showed up two hours late. It was the worst Christmas ever.
At that point, I decided never again. I might still get the flu, but nobody was going to wreck Christmas for me--ever.
Later that winter, I had a monitor heater installed so I wouldn't have to start a fire first thing every morning just to have a warm house. Later that year, I sold the house and moved closer to work so I wouldn't have to commute 30 miles each way and worry about my kids being home alone after school. The heater added to the value of the house.
Every year since then, the holidays have been happy. We may not have tons of gifts, but we cook together, watch sappy movies, and decorate together. They sometimes spend Christmas Eve with their dad, or sometimes even Christmas day, but we always have our special time together regardless. I no longer stress about the holidays, in fact, I really enjoy them. I smile at the people in the stores who are stressed out and in a hurry and let them go in front of me. I pity them because I used to be like that. I stressed and worried and tried so hard to "make" Christmas good. Then I found out that it is good if you just let it happen.
My son's birthday is 12/23. Yesterday, we made homemade lasagne and creme brulee for dessert. It was a great day. Today, we are making pralines (my first try). We will make homemade clam chowder for dinner and each of us will wrap our presents and keep them in our bedrooms till tomorrow so the dog cannot chew them up, lol. At my son's request, we will watch "It's a Wonderful Life" tonight. There is a great sense of joy and calm in this house, even though it's kind of messy and chaotic, and less than "traditional." Everyone has smiles on their faces and love in their hearts.
For those who are struggling this year, I just wanted to say that it can get better. So much better. Happy Holidays!
L
A few months later, when the holidays came, I was still hoping for sobriety and reconciliation. He was no where near sobriety. The kids and I both came down with the flu a few days before Christmas. I remember sleeping on the couch because I had a fever and chills and needed to be close to the wood stove, which at the time, was the only source of heat in the house. I had to chop my own kindling and haul wood in from the garage just to stay warm. Also, it was one of the coldest Decembers on record here. And I was working full time through it all trying to make ends meet, pay off the debt he had gotten us into, and still manage to get a few gifts for my children.
He wanted to come over on Christmas morning and bring gifts for the kids and watch them open them. I agreed. He showed up two hours late. It was the worst Christmas ever.
At that point, I decided never again. I might still get the flu, but nobody was going to wreck Christmas for me--ever.
Later that winter, I had a monitor heater installed so I wouldn't have to start a fire first thing every morning just to have a warm house. Later that year, I sold the house and moved closer to work so I wouldn't have to commute 30 miles each way and worry about my kids being home alone after school. The heater added to the value of the house.
Every year since then, the holidays have been happy. We may not have tons of gifts, but we cook together, watch sappy movies, and decorate together. They sometimes spend Christmas Eve with their dad, or sometimes even Christmas day, but we always have our special time together regardless. I no longer stress about the holidays, in fact, I really enjoy them. I smile at the people in the stores who are stressed out and in a hurry and let them go in front of me. I pity them because I used to be like that. I stressed and worried and tried so hard to "make" Christmas good. Then I found out that it is good if you just let it happen.
My son's birthday is 12/23. Yesterday, we made homemade lasagne and creme brulee for dessert. It was a great day. Today, we are making pralines (my first try). We will make homemade clam chowder for dinner and each of us will wrap our presents and keep them in our bedrooms till tomorrow so the dog cannot chew them up, lol. At my son's request, we will watch "It's a Wonderful Life" tonight. There is a great sense of joy and calm in this house, even though it's kind of messy and chaotic, and less than "traditional." Everyone has smiles on their faces and love in their hearts.
For those who are struggling this year, I just wanted to say that it can get better. So much better. Happy Holidays!
L
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Originally Posted by ady gil 
That thank you goes to everyone that has stayed around (sometimes despite unappreciative voices - just having the strength to continue with your truth despite that inspires me).
I don't stick around here for appreciation, though. So many people here gave me the gift of truth, even though I didn't want to accept it at the time, that I want to pay it forward. I stick around because of how happy it makes me when someone else "gets it." Those breakthroughs are just a joy to behold. It shines across the miles and right through the computer screen.
Oh, and I just realized I forgot to tell you what the gifts were that AH simply had to watch them open that year. Gift certificates! Yes, you can just imagine the look of joy on those 9yo and 13yo faces when they opened an envelope with a piece of paper in it! Especially after the extra two hours of anticipation!
I can laugh about it now, but I remember at the time how utterly defeated I felt. And it was just a few days later when I joined SR. The rest, as they say, is history.
L
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
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I, too, came to SR and hated what I was being told...about myself. I wasn't the one with problem, he was!!! What part of that aren't they understanding? Am I that poor of a communicator??
I was tempted to leave and never come back but my inner voice kept telling me to sit down, read, be quiet. I would become so anxious when I say certain posted had replied on one of my threads. lol. I knew I wasn't going to like what was posted. It hurt, it stung, and it was the truth that I tried so hard to ignore. I am forever thankful to those who walked before me.
Thank you for sharing LTD and thank you all who stay and continue to inspire so many.
Merry Christmas to all of you!
I was tempted to leave and never come back but my inner voice kept telling me to sit down, read, be quiet. I would become so anxious when I say certain posted had replied on one of my threads. lol. I knew I wasn't going to like what was posted. It hurt, it stung, and it was the truth that I tried so hard to ignore. I am forever thankful to those who walked before me.
Thank you for sharing LTD and thank you all who stay and continue to inspire so many.
Merry Christmas to all of you!
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LTD -- thank you. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
I, too, am on the "other" side of the hard decision whether to stay or leave...
"May all your Christmases be white" has another meaning for me now. Christmas free of drinking. Free of stress. So it's not a Martha Steward Christmas in our tiny little abode, but it's one full of love.
Peaceful days to you all.
I, too, am on the "other" side of the hard decision whether to stay or leave...
"May all your Christmases be white" has another meaning for me now. Christmas free of drinking. Free of stress. So it's not a Martha Steward Christmas in our tiny little abode, but it's one full of love.
Peaceful days to you all.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
" Yesterday, we made homemade lasagne and creme brulee for dessert."
Now we're talk'in two of my all time favorites. Ahh, creme brulee, my mouth is watering just thinking about it!
Sounds like you are having a delightful holiday, good for you! Yes, it does get better, time and patience, that was a lesson I had to learn, can't rush the process.
Merry Christmas!
Now we're talk'in two of my all time favorites. Ahh, creme brulee, my mouth is watering just thinking about it!
Sounds like you are having a delightful holiday, good for you! Yes, it does get better, time and patience, that was a lesson I had to learn, can't rush the process.
Merry Christmas!
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Originally Posted by dollydo
Now we're talk'in two of my all time favorites. Ahh, creme brulee, my mouth is watering just thinking about it!
L
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Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Love the photos - especially of Luna! I bet she is loving the snow...both my dogs do.
I was hoping for more snow this Christmas, instead woke up to howling winds shaking the house. Thought it was an earthquake at first! And although in the next mountain pass over, it is dumping snow (which is good because that's where our ski slopes are located!) in my valley its windy, warm, with a hint of blue skies! Weird - two days ago it was -10, and right now its 30. I'm gonna go put some shorts on and walk the dogs before it gets cold again! ; )
Merry Christmas!
~T
I was hoping for more snow this Christmas, instead woke up to howling winds shaking the house. Thought it was an earthquake at first! And although in the next mountain pass over, it is dumping snow (which is good because that's where our ski slopes are located!) in my valley its windy, warm, with a hint of blue skies! Weird - two days ago it was -10, and right now its 30. I'm gonna go put some shorts on and walk the dogs before it gets cold again! ; )
Merry Christmas!
~T
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl
I bet she is loving the snow...both my dogs do.
Merry Christmas to you, too TG.
L
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Pure joy.. don't forget a cat playing with catnip 
LTD I can't believe you struggled with the truths.. to me it looks like you have always been wise
I stick around because of how happy it makes me when someone else "gets it." Those breakthroughs are just a joy to behold.
You forgot to mention "some" extreme cases have to post over 6000~ times before starting to get the message
((HUGS))
LTD I can't believe you struggled with the truths.. to me it looks like you have always been wise
I stick around because of how happy it makes me when someone else "gets it." Those breakthroughs are just a joy to behold.
You forgot to mention "some" extreme cases have to post over 6000~ times before starting to get the message
((HUGS))
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Christmas was pj's, tea and a good book, an awesome dinner, all by myself, yeah. I could just sit and think about the true meaning of the day with peace and a gentle cold wind outside. Yes, it does get better and this is my 2nd Christmas since the divorce. No more stress before and on Christmas day wondering what the season will bring, being all tensed up, walking on eggshells, ugh. It's bitter sweet, letting go of what I thought my life was supposed to look like so now I'm making new memories. I still talk often to my XAH, he got me a present that he left outside my door but he knows I can't see him and that I can only love him from afar. I can't ever go back to the chaos and that life again.
Oh by the way my kids are coming over Saturday to celebrate Christmas seeing my daughter who's a nurse had to work the holidays. Christmas just keeps coming!
Oh by the way my kids are coming over Saturday to celebrate Christmas seeing my daughter who's a nurse had to work the holidays. Christmas just keeps coming!
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