Schafer81

I sit here in fear that my AM will be dead soon from the bottle. I've bee dealing with her disease for the last 15 years. I took care of her so many years by calling her 50 times a day going over to her house to make sure she was a live. I called 911 10 times in the last 5 years. She has been in and out of rehab. I came to the realization that I can't help her but she still is my mother and worry to the point of panic attacks. I have my own family to take care of. I finally gave up hope. She has been drinking for 5 days and I called her 2 times and the last time I told her that I love her more than anything as I'm afraid she is going to die and wanted to make sure she knew that. I'm feeling guilty for not going over there but my fear is she will yell at me and deny treatment. Am I this horrible person for no trying harder? What if she dies and I didn't save her? I feel like I can not do anything to help her but call 911.

Shadydeal

Bless your heart! I feel sure you have done all there is to do and more! I think so many people feel this way so you are not alone. I know I never knew what I was walking into and often scared what I might find. I really don't have any advice but my heart goes out to you. I would call 911 as I see nothing more you can do. Please don't beat yourself up bc you are not in control of her life now or later.

Schafer81

Thanks for your support. She has been unwilling to go to the hospital the last couple of times. We haven't called 911 as I told her that she needs to make the decision if she wants to live or not. I have been dealing with this for too long and need to take a step back as it is effecting me mentally. Tomorrow if she is still drinking I will call 911x

Shadydeal

Take care of yourself! I know this will drag and beat you down like no other if you allow it to! All you can do is what you can do the rest will still be her choices! Remember that! Don't beat yourself up!

Recovering2

I am so sorry for your situation. But sounds like your AM is aware of options and is unwilling to take advantage of resources. You are not in control of her choices. I learned that alcoholism is a contagious disease...that loved ones often end up with physical and emotional symptoms as well. You have to focus on self care, which is healthy and not selfish. Allow your AM to make her choices, although you may not agree with her path. Sounds like you've made a valiant effort to be available to help her...the rest is up to her. I would offer that if you're not in AlAnon you may consider it, it will help support you through these difficult times.

Herrick25

It is all a process to get to recovery. Hopefully there will be a moment of clarity that makes this person really seek help once and for all.