I want to break free....!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5
I want to break free....!
Hello, I'm Tamsin and i'm new. I just wrote a brief introduction in the acoa forum. I'm finding it difficult. The charming persona the alcoholic in your life can give off.
I think my friends hate me for cutting contact with my family. All they see is this fun sociable party animal caring mother. They don't see the woman who loves to see me/get me drunk, the one who LOVES it when i f**k up, the one who couldn't wait to drag me down the pub and get me as pissed as a matttresss the day I was discharged from hospital, in fact the one who took very efficiently and disposed of all the leaflets the mental health team gave me about alcohol and mental health...
Oh yes and the woman who phones the rest of my family to explain how 'worried' she is about me.
I finally saw the light. I went no contact. It wasn't easy. In fact there was alot more to it than this. But now what??...I'm such a bad person for losing contact, changing my number and moving house. It's been very very difficult and I know now i'm on my own. I haven't seen my family for a year....i'm single, no partner, no children. And my friends don't get it!! They think because of my previous mental health problems, it's just me being a bit weird. They cant understand how suddenly its all happened.
But i realised all of my immediate family are affected by alcoholism and denial. Im trying to get away but I don't think i'm ever going to be a free being. The people I've cut out of my life drove me insane. Now i'm stronger and moving on but o one believes me
I think my friends hate me for cutting contact with my family. All they see is this fun sociable party animal caring mother. They don't see the woman who loves to see me/get me drunk, the one who LOVES it when i f**k up, the one who couldn't wait to drag me down the pub and get me as pissed as a matttresss the day I was discharged from hospital, in fact the one who took very efficiently and disposed of all the leaflets the mental health team gave me about alcohol and mental health...
Oh yes and the woman who phones the rest of my family to explain how 'worried' she is about me.
I finally saw the light. I went no contact. It wasn't easy. In fact there was alot more to it than this. But now what??...I'm such a bad person for losing contact, changing my number and moving house. It's been very very difficult and I know now i'm on my own. I haven't seen my family for a year....i'm single, no partner, no children. And my friends don't get it!! They think because of my previous mental health problems, it's just me being a bit weird. They cant understand how suddenly its all happened.
But i realised all of my immediate family are affected by alcoholism and denial. Im trying to get away but I don't think i'm ever going to be a free being. The people I've cut out of my life drove me insane. Now i'm stronger and moving on but o one believes me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Welcome Tamsin, I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. I am not an alcoholic, but I love one. I admire your strength and courage in realizing what is best for YOUR recovery. No one is responsible for your recovery but you...so you have to do what is best. You do not need anyone's approval for that. I think sometimes when family members and friends are used to a certain behavior, when you change that (and they haven't changed), it's going to cause disruption. It may even threaten their own views of themselves. Your family members may be privately confronting their own addiction and denial. But you are not responsible for their reactions or their views...they are.
I hope you have a good counselor, or are involved in a 12 step group. It will help keep your focus on you. Know that you are NOT alone, there are plenty of us here who support your journey in a sober happy healthy life.
Happy New Year
I hope you have a good counselor, or are involved in a 12 step group. It will help keep your focus on you. Know that you are NOT alone, there are plenty of us here who support your journey in a sober happy healthy life.
Happy New Year
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Tamsin, I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your mom, but soooooo relieved that you see it clearly now.
Many folks here have had to cut immediately family members out of their lives be they Moms, Dads, siblings or children, because of addiction and abuse.
Perhaps consider calling or stopping by the hospital again and see if you can pick up some replacement materials--the ones your Mom conveniently lost?
You aren't a bad person...just someone who is making recovery and self-care a priority. I'm sorry the people in your world do not understand, but we certainly do.
Welcome!
Many folks here have had to cut immediately family members out of their lives be they Moms, Dads, siblings or children, because of addiction and abuse.
Perhaps consider calling or stopping by the hospital again and see if you can pick up some replacement materials--the ones your Mom conveniently lost?
You aren't a bad person...just someone who is making recovery and self-care a priority. I'm sorry the people in your world do not understand, but we certainly do.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Dear Tamsin,
There is a new and healthy life waiting for you, full of pleasure and joy and self-fulfillment.
I can relate to what you are saying because I also, many years ago now, grew up in a terribly dysfunctional family of origin, and also chose to stop being in contact with them. It turned out to be a great, healthy decision for me.
By leaving your destructive mother, and alcoholic father, you've left a family that was bound together in a dysfunctional way of behaving. Sometimes families grow to need that dysfunction to live. And sometimes they give each child in the family a "role". It may be that your role was to be "the sick one".... If you think about it, you'll probably be able to figure it out. You can choose now what you want to be. You don't have to fit into anyone else's picture of you.
So you've closed one book. You've read the last chapter. Now you are free to choose the next book you want to read, and your life ahead may seem kind of uncharted and blank until you try out several choices and see what you like. That's not bad, and it doesn't mean you won't be free. It just means that it's a new journey.
Do you have a therapist? If you can find one who deals with dysfunctional families, that would be very helpful. Sometimes child psychiatrists are very helpful with that because often, to treat the child, they have to see the child's role in the family. So rather than just dealing with the individual, they deal with the family relationships that affect or constrain the individual as well.
Have you been to Alanon? That is such a great resource, and you might find it really helpful.
You sound very brave to me, and I will cheer you on your new journey to happiness, and I am sure that many here on Sober Recovery will do the same.
Welcome, and come back often,
ShootingStar1
There is a new and healthy life waiting for you, full of pleasure and joy and self-fulfillment.
I can relate to what you are saying because I also, many years ago now, grew up in a terribly dysfunctional family of origin, and also chose to stop being in contact with them. It turned out to be a great, healthy decision for me.
By leaving your destructive mother, and alcoholic father, you've left a family that was bound together in a dysfunctional way of behaving. Sometimes families grow to need that dysfunction to live. And sometimes they give each child in the family a "role". It may be that your role was to be "the sick one".... If you think about it, you'll probably be able to figure it out. You can choose now what you want to be. You don't have to fit into anyone else's picture of you.
So you've closed one book. You've read the last chapter. Now you are free to choose the next book you want to read, and your life ahead may seem kind of uncharted and blank until you try out several choices and see what you like. That's not bad, and it doesn't mean you won't be free. It just means that it's a new journey.
Do you have a therapist? If you can find one who deals with dysfunctional families, that would be very helpful. Sometimes child psychiatrists are very helpful with that because often, to treat the child, they have to see the child's role in the family. So rather than just dealing with the individual, they deal with the family relationships that affect or constrain the individual as well.
Have you been to Alanon? That is such a great resource, and you might find it really helpful.
You sound very brave to me, and I will cheer you on your new journey to happiness, and I am sure that many here on Sober Recovery will do the same.
Welcome, and come back often,
ShootingStar1
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