LeSigh

Hey guys..


My head is starting to clear from the fog of AH's leaving

But

In focusing all my energies to looking after myself, I've finally caught up on things I shouldn't have put off, like a very overdue dental check up and what not.

Anyway.

I've also finally seen my doctor about a lump that's been bothering me, and I've been referred to the breast cancer clinic at some point in the next 4 weeks to have it investigated. I'm freaking out a bit (it's 5:30am over here and I'm SO tired but yet wide awake)..

it never rains but it pours, and I'm already imagining awful sickness and horrible treatment.. my stupid brain is missing AH and feeling sorry for itself.. Maybe this isn't so OT afterall!

On the other hand, it's been a lot easier to see that AHs bleating text messages about feeling bad for the separation "it's so hard being shut out like this" blablabla are ridiculous, he has no idea that it could actually be worse for me than him.

Dreading the wait over the holidays to get along to this clinic.

Thanks for letting me vent. x

Recovering2

I stopped and said a prayer for you before writing this post. I''m glad you are focusing on self care right now. Keep the Serenity prayer in mind. I had a lump several years ago, had to wait over a holiday weekend to get it evaluated (a little faster than where you are) but it felt like I had to wait a year. I can understand the fear. Mine ended up benign, I hope you have the same outcome.

Take care of you.

LeSigh

Thank you recovering2, your kindness has finally allowed the tears to come... Funny how we can get through hell, abuse, deceit, everything.. But when someone is nice to me = weeping!

Thanks again x

Recovering2

You're welcome. I have no doubt if there are health challenges ahead you will find the strength to face them head on. You are already finding the strength to let go of your AH's issues and focus on you. And we will all be here on SR to support you.

Rosiepetal

Sorry for ill health but glad you're feeling a little better on your own.
Hugs.:ghug3

redtailgal

I dont know you, but I am sorry for what you are going thru.

I had a lump a couple years ago, and the wait is terrifying, for sure. Mine ended up being a cyst, painful but not a major deal, thank God. I didnt tell anyone, so I was pretty lonely in my wait, too.

I'll keep you in my prayers. You hang in there! :ghug3

Hopeworks

Hugs and prayers your way.

TakingCharge999

Hugs LeSeigh, I also had a cancer scare - try to breathe and stay in the moment - if you believe in a HP this is the time to put yourself in HP's hands. The present is all we have. It might turn out to be nothing, or something benevolent. Keep us posted (((HUGS)))

ZiggyB

Hi,
I am sorry to hear that... health scares are anxiety provoking but perhaps it will turn out to be nothing. Please take care of yourself!

((hugs))

snowrose

I know how you feel, I found a lump last weekend and decided not to tell AH, I felt that his guaranteed lack of empathy/support would hurt me more and I need to take care of myself from now on. I have waited (pins and needles ) all week for the breast screening clinic to call me with an appointment for the dr. requested ultrasound and finally found out today that I have an appointment on Monday. I know how scary this can be, but we have to take care of ourselves. Big hug and prayer for you. Let us know how it goes, I have found wonderful support from everyone here and feel their prayers giving me courage, Im sure you will also