Please help, so hurt by adult child
 

My youngest son, his wife and my grand children have been living with me almost a year because he had lost a job, had to move out of apt. Now, he can't get an apt. because of his past criminal record. He's been away from trouble for 4 years, and now has a job, but it doesn't pay much.


To get to the point, the house is a mess every day. I have to pay for these things as you all well know, and I got upset to come home again to find something else broken.

The son got in my face in the most hate filled angry rant and began to tell me that I am the worst mother, that I never cared for them at all and so on.
What scared me was the intense HATRED for me that came out of him.

I have done everything I could ever do for all of them to make sure they're safe and ASKED NOTHING IN RETURN accept to mow the grass and pay the electric bill. I buy all the kids cloths, I buy food, I could go on.

In this fit of hatred spewed at me, I was so devastated that I fell into the sickness and yelled at him to have his stuff out of my home by tomorrow night, if that's really how he felt about me, and take care of his family by himself.

He threatened me that I would never see my grand children ever again.

I am scared. You never know what an angry person will do. He demanded his wife and kids go with him.

I have fear for my grand children. They are the light of my life.

Please help me. I have no one to call.

He may keep them from you for awhile but he will be back once his anger wears off and he realizes that without YOU, he may as well have NOTHING!

I don't think you did anything wrong by telling him to pack his stuff and go because as I was reading your post, I was thinking that if my son said that to me, after all I was doing for him, I'd tell him the same thing even if he took the babies and left.

You are not a door mat.

Maybe he'll make his wife be the bread winner and put all the bills and housing in her name. I don't know his addictions but she seems like the next best person now. Let him see what life is about.

So sorry you're going thru this. It hurts so much when our children turn on us after all we do for them .You are not alone, put your faith in your Hp - things are rarely as bad after everyone calms down. My AH used to really wind me up and I used to end up yelling at him and throwing him out. I regretted it later but he used to push me past my breaking point. Don't be too hard on yourself. ((Hugs))

He may just be trying to pull his cards and play you...Trust me I guarantee you that when he needs a place for those kids he will come to you..don't let him buffalo you....He has to know what you do. Sometimes ya just got to push them out the door and let them figure it out on their own.

Been there done that and when they are really ready to commit they may come back with a different attitude.....:ghug3

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. How frightening and painful when someone you love gets in your face like that and is so hateful! Although I can't really know, I think part of his anger may be directed at himself because of the situation he is in (adult, wife, children, no job, living with Mom).

I believe that my stepson's evil treatment of others appeared to be a combination of the drugs, alcohol, and feeling really lousy about himself. I felt bad for him because I care about him, but I don't have to be on the receiving end of his rage. I didn't, and don't, deserve it.

Perhaps letting your son and his family go will be the best thing you can do for them in the long run. They will learn to be self-sufficient and be very proud for having achieved that! Don't let his threats of never seeing your grandchildren frighten you too much. IMHO, it's just a manipulative tactic.

I hope today dawns a little brighter and that you've been able to get some rest!