I am much happier now, much of the time, but
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I am much happier now, much of the time, but
there is a shadow of grief that follows me, and at times, it comes forward into the light.
It is over 5 months, now that I've been gone from my abusive AH and I've let go of a lot. I've done a lot of work on digesting exactly what happened to me in my 20 year marriage, and have been able to link it to patterns from my dysfunctional alcoholic family of origin, and to other relationships prior to this marriage.
Yet the grief keeps popping forward at the most unexpected, and I guess, expected times. I feel like I am operating on two tracks.
But it is better than before, when my whole self and my real feelings were what was submerged. I kind had a subterranean life that I rarely let connect to my daily life, and that caused a lot of depression and pain. I just swallowed all the bad stuff and took it out on me, on my emotional and physical health.
So I guess this is progress, and much of the time I am happy, my sense of humor is back.
I am almost ready to go back into my studio and make art. Not for sale, not for public consumption, just whatever comes up. Not quite there, but I've been in the room, puttering around, seeing things that might look interesting... Haven't been able to do that before.
But this grief... What are some the recommendations for reading about grief again? I just read here that Co-dependent No More has a chapter. What other books and websites have people found helpful?
ShootingStar1
It is over 5 months, now that I've been gone from my abusive AH and I've let go of a lot. I've done a lot of work on digesting exactly what happened to me in my 20 year marriage, and have been able to link it to patterns from my dysfunctional alcoholic family of origin, and to other relationships prior to this marriage.
Yet the grief keeps popping forward at the most unexpected, and I guess, expected times. I feel like I am operating on two tracks.
But it is better than before, when my whole self and my real feelings were what was submerged. I kind had a subterranean life that I rarely let connect to my daily life, and that caused a lot of depression and pain. I just swallowed all the bad stuff and took it out on me, on my emotional and physical health.
So I guess this is progress, and much of the time I am happy, my sense of humor is back.
I am almost ready to go back into my studio and make art. Not for sale, not for public consumption, just whatever comes up. Not quite there, but I've been in the room, puttering around, seeing things that might look interesting... Haven't been able to do that before.
But this grief... What are some the recommendations for reading about grief again? I just read here that Co-dependent No More has a chapter. What other books and websites have people found helpful?
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
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Melody Beattie has a grief book (that I have not read) but that I believe others here have and have positive reports.
I liked the Grief Recovery Book (there is corresponding groups all over the country) which helped me.
I liked the Grief Recovery Book (there is corresponding groups all over the country) which helped me.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
shootingstar, I know the grief very well, and I am too "suffering" right now, this is the 3rd x-mas without my now XAH. It is much better now, I actually enjoy the family, children and friends, which I could not do while married to him. And I am mad that he is going to visit his family in CA, after all the years (17 of them) I'd tried to make him be closed to his family, now that we are divorced he goes and spend time with them, his mom and brothers...with me he did not even wanted to talk to them on the phone.
I feel betrayed, angry and sad, guilty, frustrated, I want to ask him if it was ME all alone, but then I know NC is better, I know I had nothing to do with his disease, I know the 3 C's very well, but I am sad, my chest hurts and I feel heavy in my soul.
The good think is I am better and my fiance and family really supports me emotionally and they love me.
I am so grateful for this site and meetings, I know where to go to find some serenity and find ME.
I feel betrayed, angry and sad, guilty, frustrated, I want to ask him if it was ME all alone, but then I know NC is better, I know I had nothing to do with his disease, I know the 3 C's very well, but I am sad, my chest hurts and I feel heavy in my soul.
The good think is I am better and my fiance and family really supports me emotionally and they love me.
I am so grateful for this site and meetings, I know where to go to find some serenity and find ME.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 94
((((((ShootingStar))))))
I wish I had good suggestions, but you've gotten good ones above. Instead, I send you compassion and empathy. I am in the thick of severe grief over the loss of my relationship (only two weeks ago). For me, it feels like it will never get better, that this pain will keep dominating my life.
What I wanted to say is that while i know you are hurting and asking for help for your continuing grief, your story continues to give me hope for my own recovery. The fact that things feel better, though not perfect, is incredibly inspiring. Your progress is so amazing and you've come so far over the last months.
Your post reminded to have faith that over time the balance of feeling ok to grief will shift. I needed to read that today.
Wishing you the best.
I wish I had good suggestions, but you've gotten good ones above. Instead, I send you compassion and empathy. I am in the thick of severe grief over the loss of my relationship (only two weeks ago). For me, it feels like it will never get better, that this pain will keep dominating my life.
What I wanted to say is that while i know you are hurting and asking for help for your continuing grief, your story continues to give me hope for my own recovery. The fact that things feel better, though not perfect, is incredibly inspiring. Your progress is so amazing and you've come so far over the last months.
Your post reminded to have faith that over time the balance of feeling ok to grief will shift. I needed to read that today.
Wishing you the best.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Your posts sure help a lot of people through hard days.
Glad your sense of humor is back too.
This may be a first - I just don't have any words except thank you for being a friend and I hope it gets better
Glad your sense of humor is back too.
This may be a first - I just don't have any words except thank you for being a friend and I hope it gets better
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I am just about to start reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by susan anderson, I think it should be helpful.
Sorry for your grief.
People grieve at different rates, believe me, I work in the death industry & see it every day.
Hang in there.
Hugs. :ghug3
Sorry for your grief.
People grieve at different rates, believe me, I work in the death industry & see it every day.
Hang in there.
Hugs. :ghug3
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