Proud of my kids but...
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Proud of my kids but...
I'm feeling guilty about how I expressed my pride in them to them. Is that codie or what?
Since their father left they have all had peace. They have not been subjected to listen to drunken, rambling speeches or lectures when trying to do homework. They have not been woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning because their father wanted to treat us and the neighbors to his "fine" vocal rendition of "Purple Haze".
So when I was congratulating them on their recent achievements I think I went a bit codie.
For example: "See what you can do when you work hard, focus on yourself and don't make excuses" (in my head I was SCREAMING "UNLIKE your father").
and when I said: "Us lot are amazing! We get up everyday and go to school and work even when we don't feel like it. We do what we say we are going to do. We try our best and do our best and look at the results, we achieve great things because we just do the best we can and stick to our goals" (in my head I was SCREAMING "UNLIKE your father".) Despite the chaos in our lives the kids and I have all soldiered on and had some great achievements. We really ROCK!
The kids aren't stupid. They know I couldn't stand their father's lies, excuses for not doing things and lies to his work about being "sick". I don't hound the kids about doing homework or getting A grades or winning everything so I guess that's a positive.
So why do I feel all codie and guilty for stating the truth - that if you work hard and keep your word and do what you say you will do, good things usually happen? Is it because I wanted to say UNLIKE your father?
Since their father left they have all had peace. They have not been subjected to listen to drunken, rambling speeches or lectures when trying to do homework. They have not been woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning because their father wanted to treat us and the neighbors to his "fine" vocal rendition of "Purple Haze".
So when I was congratulating them on their recent achievements I think I went a bit codie.
For example: "See what you can do when you work hard, focus on yourself and don't make excuses" (in my head I was SCREAMING "UNLIKE your father").
and when I said: "Us lot are amazing! We get up everyday and go to school and work even when we don't feel like it. We do what we say we are going to do. We try our best and do our best and look at the results, we achieve great things because we just do the best we can and stick to our goals" (in my head I was SCREAMING "UNLIKE your father".) Despite the chaos in our lives the kids and I have all soldiered on and had some great achievements. We really ROCK!
The kids aren't stupid. They know I couldn't stand their father's lies, excuses for not doing things and lies to his work about being "sick". I don't hound the kids about doing homework or getting A grades or winning everything so I guess that's a positive.
So why do I feel all codie and guilty for stating the truth - that if you work hard and keep your word and do what you say you will do, good things usually happen? Is it because I wanted to say UNLIKE your father?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I think everything you said was great.
I have seen my kids work incredibly hard, achieve their goals & get awesome results.
This is about you & the kids together. Don't even put that father in the same thought.
Go for it.
I have seen my kids work incredibly hard, achieve their goals & get awesome results.
This is about you & the kids together. Don't even put that father in the same thought.
Go for it.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
I think you feel guilty because you know what you meant and so did they.
Not bashing you and this is not so Codie, it's more divorcee
Lol, new practice of mine and this might be more Codie - if I am going to give criticism, even when invited to, I like to give an example of when I have been guilty of the same thing.
My daughter has heard things from me like "I want you to get a good education so that you have choices and don't have to put up with some guy because he supports you". Yeah, her mom does that.
So I think it's cool that when your conscience bugged you on this one you raised your hand and said "help me out guys!".
It's not good for them to hear that contempt for their dad from you and I'm sure they hear much worse from him. Kids are realllly smart and they catch stuff.
That said, if you can drop the implied contrast and just keep the praise then thank you and bless you! Kids need praise, they need acceptance and validation. My goofiness comes from an npd parent, so what if you had scholarships thru grad school and had Stepford grades, my friends kid did the same thing at Harvard! Lol.
Not that I hold onto that crap :-)
Good for you that you guys deserve praise too!
Not bashing you and this is not so Codie, it's more divorcee
Lol, new practice of mine and this might be more Codie - if I am going to give criticism, even when invited to, I like to give an example of when I have been guilty of the same thing.
My daughter has heard things from me like "I want you to get a good education so that you have choices and don't have to put up with some guy because he supports you". Yeah, her mom does that.
So I think it's cool that when your conscience bugged you on this one you raised your hand and said "help me out guys!".
It's not good for them to hear that contempt for their dad from you and I'm sure they hear much worse from him. Kids are realllly smart and they catch stuff.
That said, if you can drop the implied contrast and just keep the praise then thank you and bless you! Kids need praise, they need acceptance and validation. My goofiness comes from an npd parent, so what if you had scholarships thru grad school and had Stepford grades, my friends kid did the same thing at Harvard! Lol.
Not that I hold onto that crap :-)
Good for you that you guys deserve praise too!
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