hexx

So, I am 14 days into my AH being in jail for DV and I have started making a list of things that he did while intoxicated to remind myself as to why I made the right decision (outside of the emotional/verbal/sexual/physical abuse). A list of all the crazy stuff that he has done over the last 6 months...

things like throwing my easel across the room with an unfinished painting on it, and then when I call him on that he grabbed his art work and set fire to it in our living room and dropped it on the floor (thank goodness we have tile floors)

crawling on his hands and knees into the kitchen to relieve himself all over the floor

telling me that if anyone ever took his daughter he would hunt them down and I needed to decide if it was better for him to take her and live out of his car then to have her watch daddy get shot in the head

telling me that he would make sure that at least one of our children hated me if I ever left....

etc, etc, etc....

I guess really my question here is, can alcohol really change a person that much, or do that have to have some sort of hatred in them to begin with to think that any sort of that behavior is ok. I have read so many different things on what way alcohol affects the brain that I am not sure any more.

Also, he tried to call from jail again the other night. He is on a No Contact order right now and my phone can't accept collect calls anyway so I haven't spoken to him since the night he was arrested. This time the call was from "Hey" and it sounded like the man I used to know. Since I didn't answer, I then get a call from his cell mates GF (whose BF is in jail for violating a no contact order for the same thing--yet she talks to him every night so I am not sure what is going on there), wanted me to know that my AH wanted to check on me and the kids, and wanted to know if I would give him another chance. I simply told her that "yes, I love him, yes the kids and I are ok, and until he gets professional help I am not even going to consider where our relationship is" (that was the hardest thing I have had to do so far)....I am actually kind of scared of when he gets out the possibility of speaking to him. If he is sober, then maybe he will be understanding and not put up so much of a fight...if he is drinking, then we will see how that goes. He has always said he wanted to travel the country for awhile to "find himself" but was always too worried about me and the kids. Well, now he doesn't need to worry about that and go "find himself" all he wants to.

I have asked the courts to keep the no contact order in place for the duration of the criminal process and to have him forced into some sort of alcohol and mental disorder treatment program. If at the end of all of this he continues to drink then I can walk away knowing I did everything I could to get him the help he says that he wants.

Right now, I am focusing on what I need to do to save my life and the lives of my children and give them the tools to have healthy relationships in the future.


OK, sorry for the ramble...I feel better now

coraltint

People do get better sometimes, hexx. It remains to be seen whether this is painful enough for your husband to make some hard changes.

You are spot on that you need to take care of your kids, and crucial to that is taking care of yourself. Use these forums to vent, ask advice, etc. When my wife went off the deep end with booze & pills I found live Alanon meetings in my city very helpful. They taught me that as mad as I was at her, the only thing I could do anything about was myself.....and I was in fact needing some repair. Her spiral had left its mark on me.

God bless, stay strong

hexx

I have been thinking about Alanon, honestly. It will be hard, but I think that is may be needed. My AH is an isolationist (sure honey, you can go out, but I am going to text you the whole time and grill you about everything when you get home). While I am not a "people person" I can't just sit in a dark house behind pulled blinds all day, and me kids certainly can't either. We need people to talk to and interact with.

And I am already starting to come to understand the marks that have been left by this madness that has gone on, not just for myself but for my children more so.

BoxinRotz

My AH has never called me out of my name until this summer when he went right past *b¡tch* n straight to the *C* and said, I did not say that! Oh... so I didn't hear that you just called me a *C*?!!! He said No, you didn't... I said, b¡tch.

AH's alcoholism has gotten worse! He used to be a happy drunk, if you will and now, OMG! He's so mean to me with his comments, accusations n just words! He has also decided on his 8 day bender to have sex even if I said no n he was NEVER, EVER like that!!! *gasp* I will not stay here or be around if he ever gets vodka in him again! It's like dealing with the devil. He's been sober since the 9th n started counseling. I hope he's done but I don't know. Time will tell.

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry for all pain you and your children have experienced. IMO, there is absolutely no excuse for someone to put their hands on you in anger, drunk or not! Please call a domestic abuse hotline, seek counseling for you and your children.

Recovery for all will be a long road. Your husband will need a long time (at least a year) to get his mind straight. The damage to you and your kids can last a life time if not addressed now.

You and your kids are in my prayers.

hexx

It sounds like we are married to the same man! That is my AH choice of poison as well....just the word makes me sick. And I can also empathize with you on the C word....that was his favorite as well...

And yes, no always meant no to me...but not to the vodka devil.

What is it about vodka that makes them do mean?