brownhorse

He was using when my kids were in my ex-husband's care. Now, CPS has to search my house because that is where the children live. I feel like I am the bad guy and being investigated. Are they judging my big pile of laundry? The dogs footprints all over the floor? It is muddy in MI right now. The beer cans in my garage from a family gathering without alcoholics? I am panicing. And I did nothing wrong. I am a full-time mom with a Full-time job trying to keep to beautiful young boys happy and safe.

BlueSkies1

Deep breaths. It's ok. I know you feel very violated at this search, I would too. By the way, can you get those beer cans out of there? I don't know if they jump to conclusions, but they might. Laundry and dog prints...are simply the real parts of life that show people are actually living there...and laundry and dog prints may be signs of happy living.

LoveMeNow

CPS should not be searching your house! However, they can do a home check, to ensure your boys are safe. Food, electricity, water, no imminent danger!!

Just answer truthfully, relax and you will be OK!! A lived in home is not a threat to the children.

brownhorse

Thanks, That is what he said. Check the home where they live.

PohsFriend

Any time you bring in CPS they will look at both of you.

You have nothing to hide but it still pays to clean up and put your best face on things. The only way what you describe is a problem is of they visit him and he's leading a prayer meeting in an immaculate home that looks like a Norman Rockwell painting lol

PohsFriend

Actually they should. If a case reaches them it is by definition a high conflict case. I promise you that when they interview the parent who was reported, that parent will be indignant and claim the reporting parent is crazy and unfit.

DO NOT EXPRESS INDIGNATION. Your job is to express concern for the kids. When you discuss the other parent be factual and specific and keep dramatic words or exaggerations out of it.

"he's a worthless drunk and he's careless and if he cared about the kids he wouldnt have cheated!" translates to blah blah blah to people who are used to getting a call in the middle of a custody battle. The assumption, absent a serious incident, is that you are jockeying for position in the custody war. This presumption exists because people often complain about stuff once the fight starts that they allowed prior to the separation.

Now, "I know he lives the kids and I know he is trying to get well but I am deeply concerned for his safety and theirs because when he drinks he often blacks out or he drives. I'm no longer there to make sure he has a sober driver around and he doesn't use the car seat sometimes. I want him to maintain a relationship with the kids and I hope he can repair the damage his illness has caused but I think we need help to ensure that the kids are safe until he's well enough to do it on his own".

If you say that and he goes on a rant about what a vindictive bitch he thinks you are the investigator will dismiss his rant and try to help you.

Your motives and how you communicate them are crucial here. No righteous indignation and self righteousness, you are concerned and you welcome them to examine you because you have nothing to hide, right?

LoveMeNow

CPS workers have no legal right to search a home. Police even need a search warrant. In fact, you can even deny them entry. I wouldn't but you can!!

However, I would be cooperative and showing concern regarding the children should be the focal point of the interview.

Maylie

It is natural to feel nervous, but the beautiful thing is that you have nothing to hide.

Laundry and dog prints are proof that there is a family living there. You're a full time mom with a full time job, I am pretty sure spending time with your children is more impoartant than getting laundry done I would just get rid of the beer cans if you could, otherwise, just tell the truth. It is the holiday season and drinking is legal.

Just answer them honestly. He should be the one that is worried. Try to keep any resentment and anger at bay, even though you have every right to feel every emotion that exists, they will react to you better if you keep your cool.

thislonelygirl

Im sorry for what your going through. This must be scary and stressful.
My house is a mess .. probably right now more messy than yours. It seems everytime I clean up a pile of junk theres always more around the corner. Piles of clean clothes that need to be folded and dishes that need to get done and someone who wants to judge it.
Keep your strength and composure and communicate with them. I hope the whole process goes smoothly for you and nobody is perfect. Dont beat yourself up. Weve all been little piggies a time or two and remember that you arent the addict. He is. Good luck to you

PohsFriend

I would not either.
Once you get into the family courts system it is time to throw away silly ideas like the law and justice and fairness and realize that it is a game and a business and the real rules do not resemble the actual rules.

True for all but especially for guys - be an angel. No animosity, no resistance unless things start to go against you. In this instance the op is a woman which starts her off up by two touchdowns. Change your name to Ms. Cooperative and pucker up and you will be fine unless there is something major for them to find like a bloody axe in the garage maybe.
He has a penis and addiction and DV issues to overcome? Make it a seven touchdown lead, don't fumbleand dont run the wrong way

Justfor1

Yes, they are judging you also. When CPS becomes involved the situation gets very serious very fast.

LoveMeNow

Over 70% of calls into CPS are unfounded but still need to be investigated thoroughly. It's really sad for the kids who really need help.

Impurrfect

((brownhorse)) - My dad/stepmom raised my niece (stepmom's granddaughter) and niece's bio-dad is an A. We went through the CPS stuff for years.

They not only came and looked at the house, but they talked to my niece, stepmom and dad. Our house was NOT immaculate, there was beer in the fridge (my dad may drink a 12-pack over a month) but that's not what they paid attention to.

They wanted to see her room (a MESS, full of Barbie's and toys) and just chat. Long story short: My stepmom was granted guardianship of niece, her bio-dad was told "you have a snowball's chance in hell of ever having custody of your daughter..I highly suggest you DROP the case".

Longer story short: Niece is now 19, married and has a beautiful baby girl. Bio-dad is still in prison (where he's been most of her life, off and on) and she wants NOTHING to do with him. His parents? They were a thorn in our side, for a few years....now, they are awesome and put HER needs above her bio-dad's.

Sooo, my opinion is cooperate. I've heard that once CPS or DFACS (in our case) is in your life, they are there forever. After the initial stuff with my niece, it was no big deal. She was loved, she had what she needed, and THAT is what they looked for. They did, also, look at her bio-dad's record and his actions, talked to my niece, and that had a big impact.

You'll be okay. We dealt with not only DFACS, but a guardian-ad-litem and other stuff. Fact was, they all wanted her in the safest, and most nourishing place, possible and YOU are that place.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Jazzman

Having been involved in a foster parenting program a long time ago I can speak from experience, CPS will interview everyone with scrutiny. If you're the better parent it will be obvious to a trained outside observer.

You did the right thing by calling them.