I'm relapsing in a major way...
 

So my XABF and I have been sending each other songs...and yesterday I sent him the song Goodbye (Secondhand Seranade) to describe how I was feeling...except it wasn't to say that I didn't want him in my life, but rather that I wanted to say "goodbye" to the old him, the alcoholic him. He didn't respond...3 hrs later I started getting worried that he took the song the wrong way, so I called...and he didn't pick up. Well, that sent me into a bit of a tailspin because I started worrying about how he took it, so I called again...no answer. So I happened to be near his house...so I went by. He wasn't home, and I called again...no answer.

He did text me later that night that he had been out and left his phone in the car and saw I had called, but he was on his way to practice now. He texted again twice this morning apologizing for not getting my calls and hoping I wasn't upset with him, that he wasn't ignoring me and loved me.

I talked with him this afternoon and told him what I was feeling (he was shocked that I had gone to his house...and upset that he hadn't been home...we haven't seen one another for about 5 weeks). He wants to see me, but said he's waiting until i'm ready for that. He hadn't even heard the song yet, but did say that he was a bit uneasy about it due to the title, so he was holding off on listening.

I'm shocked by these strong feelings coming out all of a sudden (I was doing so well!)...basically i'm a mess :c020:

Not trying to sound unkind, but...you will continue to be a mess if you keep contact with him. You say he is your EX, yet you send him songs, go by his house, call him expecting him to answer, and when he doesn't, you get concerned, and generally appear to stay wrapped up in him.

You need to make a decision. He is either your EX, or you still want a relationship with him. Decide what it is you want, and then act accordingly.

As long as you chase him around you will remain a mess. He is out, he is going about the business of his life, you? Your obsessing and checking up on him.

I agree with Suki, make up your mind, is he your ex or not?

I agree with the above posts.

Is this XBF in recovery? If so, for how long and does he go to AA meetings? Is he serious about not drinking?

If not, then why would you want to stay in contact?

You're giving him way too much power.

I agree with the others especially brokenheartwife - you are giving him WAY too much power over you. Not saying he is a bad guy but your are setting yourself up for "doormat" status.

There is nothing to do in this kind of situation IMO other than to not give yourself permission to call/text/drive by the house. Doesn't mean you won't be obsessing at home but just DON"T.

I agree that it sounds like you aren't really broken up - what do you want from him right now? Breaking up is very difficult and as long as you continue to be in contact with him it will still be difficult. You are a little obsessed it sounds like. I know how difficult it is... I do this everytime I break up with someone but you need to let him go if you are going to move on with your life.