What to call this???

Old 04-16-2004, 06:54 AM
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What to call this???

I debated whether to enter this thread because it is sort of personal but I decided that I should.

I felt "stuck" in my journey. I began to think of some of the things that have really spoken to me on this board. The first thing was a line that Jeff uses "Why keep doing the same thing and expecting different results?" Obviously, I was doing the same things and wondering why nothing was changing.

Step 2 was staring me in the face. I had a very bad experience with organized religion when I was younger. It's not that I don't believe in God - I do. It's just that I had come to believe that his earthly messengers could not be trusted. Also, I had accepted the fact that I had no control over others but I certainly was not about to hand over control of my life to someone else - that's crazy right?

It was a line in the Codependent Step Study that kept coming back to me. It was written by Ann - "...just to believe even a little bit that I might somehow, someday become sane again with help only God could give me." It was that "even a little bit" that stuck in my head. I could do "even a little bit" - I didn't have to understand the whole thing.

When I went to bed last night, I prayed. I didn't pray as usual - asking God to get me out of this mess, to fix everything. I said that I wasn't sure what I believed but that I was trying to believe that He would help me. I asked what I could do to help myself to turn things over to Him.

This is what came into my head:
- Cocentrate on going to AlAnon (I haven't ever gone - don't know why)
- Concentrate on going to the gym (I haven't been going because I've been too depressed)
- Concentrate on fixing healthy meals for you and the girls (I've been resorting to fast food because I just don't care anymore)
- When your mind takes you to the place where you wonder about what you should do or what tomorrow will bring, just think - I have turned it over and go back to concentrating on the other things.

It was almost like an assignment - made especially for me. I think I can do this.

One of the things that I always had trouble with was the "one day at a time" thing. I guess I thought that meant - just stay in the situtation and find a way to survive it each day and keep avoiding making any decisions. I think that "one step at a time" is easier for me to understand. I'm not wasting time "surviving" - I'm making valuable use of my time "growing and learning".

I just wanted to post this to let the "leaders" of this forum know that what you write on this board is powerful. Maybe it's just one little sentence or one little phrase that will change someone. Thank you Ann for the "even a little bit".

Sorry so long - L
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Old 04-16-2004, 08:02 AM
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Re: What to call this???

Wow!!! Powerful post.

Thankyou.
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Old 04-16-2004, 08:35 AM
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Re: What to call this???

I understand that step 2 moment. I have believed in God my whole life, but only because of others. I never had a connection myself. Then I got an assignment like you are talking about. I think it was the first time that I asked for guidance and truly listened. I started going to alanon meetings that week, and the next week I started therapy. Once I started listening for that guidance, a lot of things clicked for me. My thinking has changed a lot. Follow your guidance. When you get something that clear, no doubts or questions, it won't steer you wrong.
I am glad that you have become such a big part of this forum. You are growing, whether you see it or not. It's much easier to see growth in others than in ourself. Hugs, Magic
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:33 AM
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Re: What to call this???

I'm pretty new to this board and have been trying to visit at least once a day to help me keep my sanity because there is so much experience, strength and hope here.

You're candidness in how you feel and your courage to share was very profound, especially the "one day at a time thing" vs. "one step at a time". Although my understanding of living "one day at a time" is much different then what you shared is for you, I really liked that you found something that worked for you and never would have thought the "one step at a time" as another way of working your program.

Bravo for your ability to work your program according to your needs.

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Last edited by mrsedeet; 04-16-2004 at 11:33 AM. Reason: misspelling
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Old 04-16-2004, 03:16 PM
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Re: What to call this???

(((Dust Bunny))) Thank YOU.

Thanks (((Magic))) - I really feel like I'm changing - daily. It is amazing because, when I first came here, I felt like I was beaten and hopeless. I still have days where I'm lost but more and more days where I can not only see the hope but FEEL the hope.

mrsedeet - You are so right - everything according to our needs. I'm so glad you found this board. I've only been here a little over a month but I have learned so much in that time. Keep coming back and thanks so much for the support and kind words.
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Old 04-16-2004, 06:13 PM
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Re: What to call this???

It’s those “AHA� moments that we’ll generally look back on, and refer to as the first of our “spiritual awakening�, always in retrospect, and most often the result of some action that we have in some way taken. For those of us who espouse that “spiritual� solution, it makes perfect sense, and we begin to look at just how some of those “spiritual laws� determine the length and breadth of our journey.

For more secularly oriented folks the identically same circumstances may indeed occur, yet the “outcome� of movement described in radically different , certainly less mystical terms. I suppose only that it further confirms that we will be met at the level of our needs, and within a context of our personal framework for understanding. Whether it is those spiritual laws, the physics of synchronicity, the belief in a “personal� God, or consortium with Karma. The “end� or outcome will be seen as an investment in the process we’re attempting to enlist. And whatever works sure makes sense to me.

Fact is there are few belief systems if any that are incapable of producing the results that we’re after,-------- if indeed we believe that they can. When it comes down to the specifics of booze and behavior, there is a dizzying array of “programs� out there that seem to be sub-sets of some of those belief systems listed above. It’s also equally obvious that those belief systems in and of themselves appear to be inadequate to the job of either “sobering us up� or modifying aberrant behavior, when of course it’s “us� that is incapable of developing the where-withal to do so, without the assistance of some more closely targeted support.

And while we find reams of printed matter, great recovery ideology, pop recovery psychology, recovery sites like this, and Dr Phil humming in the background, we still can’t seem to read our way to recovery, or watch TV and get sober or well. If that were the case millions of us would have done so years ago. Oh yeah, maybe the “ social drinker� or those nominally affected by the dis-ease can interpolate that stuff into a meaningful recovery, but as alcoholics or addicts or those affected by their disease, we already proven we’re pretty much beyond that rationale.

The recovery that we will come to know will always involve us in the practice of doing what we simply do not want to do,--------------repeatedly, over and over again, until we do. Want to do it, that is. As much as there are characteristics common to active alcoholism or addiction, the same is true for the practice of recovery,. Those of us that have been around Alanon for any amount of time generally sign onto the concept of the steps as the specificity of what we DO. That IS the program of Alanon. It’s application is another matter altogether, but then I’ve gone on waaaaay too long as is.
Jeff
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