used to give a year for things to get better
 

I was just thinking about how I used to give a year for things to get better with him and me and if they didn’t I’d would leave. Some changes would happen, sadly not always a good change. Then I used to give things getting better 6 months, and then it was three month. Now, I’m laughing, no now I’m crying on the inside because I’m giving it less than 4 weeks for changes to happen.

Do you think I’m growing tried of this marry-go-round or is it that I’m expecting the changes to happen faster now that he’s been working the program for 8 months? He still in denial about the pain that he has caused, I think it’s because he had so much pain caused to him in his own life by his father, mother, sister, and sad to said but I’m now I this list. I’m sure I’ve inflicted some pain into his life. I’ve said that I’m sorry but I think he so overwhelm by it all that he doesn’t realize he’s not getting over the pain in his own life.

I guess it does not matter anymore. I’m going on a business trip in the beginning of May and when I come back, I’m asking for a divorce. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t take this any longer the taking of heaping spoonfuls of medicine created because of his addictions.

I need to do for me, make me feel good. In the end, I think we’ll both be better off.

Re: used to give a year for things to get better
 

(((( eyeswideopen ))))) !

Sometimes its just too little too late, and you're the only one that can make that call. I know it hurts.

Extra hugs,
Smoke

Re: used to give a year for things to get better
 

:throb Do whatz best for you, I am on your side. Hugs and Kisses.

~Def

Re: used to give a year for things to get better
 

Hey eyes,
Letting go is hard, but you have a lot of love and support here. Take care of you. Hugs, Magic

Re: used to give a year for things to get better
 

There really are no “winners or losers� per se, in a divorce. And although it spells the end of the marriage, it’s often not the end of the relationship, in that it mutates into something else most often proscribed by a difference in frequency of contact. Sometimes folks just walk away. And while I certainly don’t know your particular circumstances beyond what you have described here, I sure would add my assent to the proposition that you have every right to determine your own future. And I wish you every success in that endeavor whether or not you decide to leave.

Having seen a great number of marriages not survive this dis-ease I would only offer 2 suggestions in preparation for that dissolution if that is your choice. The very best time to leave is when everything that needs to be said, has been said, all the questions asked and answered, as best both parties can, and there simply is nothing left to say. No recriminations that continue to eat at you, no situation untouched about which both have not made their stance sufficiently clear.

And then there is the continuation of your recovery. The strange thing about codependence is that it is a repetitious cancer, that involves the replay of of unresolved situations, culminating with that “broken picker� that the vast majority of us can relate to. You two did not find each other by “accident�, and unless we continue to work on ourselves, our dis-ease with reassert itself in the proverbial heartbeat, demanding what it needs in terms of that primary relationship. And that being the case, we’ll be damned , and doing it again, even as the alcoholic is compelled to pick up that next drink or drug. To quote Emeril, “BAM�, we’re back in the same jackpot. As long as we remain closely tied to our recovery, the chances of that happening diminish considerably.

Whatever your choice I wish you the action of your recovery. It’s worth it, and so are you.
Jeff