Loveblossom79

Ok, so I spoke with my ex again tonight and he told me that he went to the AA meeting last night (we had talked about AA and I had encouraged him to go previously), he even said that he was trying to get some numbers so that he would have people to call for support if he needed it. he said he didn't get any, but that he was sure after several meetings he would get to know the people better and be able to find a good sponser...and that he might even go to a different meeting a little further away on Wed because they had good donuts

He's on a self-titled "church tour" going to different services. Temple on Sat, Church on Sunday. He's embraced Judo again (he's a black belt, but I always knew when the drinking was bad because he wouldnt go to practice).

He's only a little over a month sober...but in that time he's really done some work. He's had multiple job interviews and obtained a part time job (he's had the same full time one for 10 years and originally blamed his drinking on it)...tonight he said that he used to blame his drinking on others and his job, but that he's realizing that he needs to deal with is underlying issues and fix them within himself...he said that since he stopped drinking his job has been much less stressful and he's not as tired. He said it helps that everyone there knows that he's an alcoholic now, and he's being more open with his feelings and emotions.

I was able to pretty much yell at him about how he treated my daughter on her birthday (that behavior was what led to our huge blow up fight that ended things because he was wasted)...he didn't defend himself, he heard me out and told me that he was ashamed of who he was and he isn't going to defend any of his past behavior (this was a new response from the king defender). This was very therapeutic for me to finally get out and get a response from him that acknowledged the behavior!

I ended our relationship to protect my daughter...she needed and desearved peace in our house. It wasn't helping him to have a nice house and all that went with it while we walked on eggshells. That being said I never stopped loving him and wanting to help him. It seems like we've found a good balance right now, communication...but at a distance. For days we've been texting each other songs that explain how we are feeling, and then every few days talking about them. It's almost therapeuatic working through our issues this way. It's like i'm getting my best friend back slowly.

fourmaggie

let him go.....its hard for the 1st year of getting sober...he needs to do what he needs to do...


now, time for you and your recovery....have you tried a 12 step program? or how about reading all of Melody Beatties books?

Tuffgirl

That's great news! Just take it slow and easy, no need to rush into anything at this point.
Prayers it continues in such a positive way!
~T

jessiec

Every person and recovery is different. Take it one day at a time!

allforcnm

Great news LoveBlossom. Sounds like you have found balance for now, just keep taking it slow. I have stood by my husband since he first started recovery and I have no regrets. Sure there have been some bumps along the way, but he has continued to move forward and it is a beautiful thing to experience.

Also, since your bf/friend is in AA you might want to know that they have no issue with people continuing relationships, friendships that were previously established. In fact they suggest no big changes the first year with relationships unless they are outright harmful to the recovery of the individual.

Take care of yourself, and continue to be cautiously optimistic; its also ok for some plain old optimism to sneak in every once in a while, because people do recover. Wishing the best for you both.

marie1960

Easy now, like a moth to the flame........ there is a high probability of being burnt.

Yes, it is good that he is taking the necessary steps to help himself, but he has a very long road ahead, and without guarantee.

Try and stay in YOUR today.
Sending you support.