Treatment or Divorce. Pick one.
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Treatment or Divorce. Pick one.
I so want to make it through this marriage and see it to the end when God will take one of us. I want that happily ever after and I'm getting the *take it up the ass* ever after.
Last night, my AH desided to blow another night of work. You know, I feel like I'm in a fragile state as it is, getting through his 8 day bender 3 weeks ago and him blowing 3 days of work then. AND coming to the realization that HEY... my ass is in deep sh!t with him AND he lost the damn ores to get us out of sh!t creek. I didn't even want to put my beautiful Christmas Tree up this year and I pushed passed all the negative feelings I have/had because I know when it gets dark out, I can shut all the lights off and marvel at it's beauty and today, I just wanted to take it down and scream FAWK YOU JAMES!
Yesterday was the last day of PA Rifle Season. I got up at 4am to travel an hour into the woods and I sat in a tree stand with my girl, *my gun* an hour before the sun rose. It was pitch dark and the thought of watching the woods wake up gets me in a happy place. I knew when I left that I was going to have a long day because I was looking at a 12 hour midnight shift that night. The things I do to tag a deer, I will do. Hunting is for ME! It's my way of being close to God, in His Back Yard. I do my best thinking in the woods and a good hunt doesn't mean I come out with a dead animals blood on my hands. A good hunt is also finding peace and knowledge.
So... fast forward to 2am and I get a text from my brother who works with my husband at the DOC. He's doing perimeter and he asks me, Where's Jim. I respond, he's at work! No he's NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's at home drunk off his ass and I am about to go through the roof of our brand new Toyota Tacoma that we are going to lose to a $7 bottle of booze! How's that for reality?!
I swear, I'm at my breaking point. I would rather lose it all to him seeking treatment, not getting paid and him finding sobriety that to lose it all to him crawling in a $7 bottle of vodka and flipping me off. I told him today to seek treatment or I'm leaving! There is no other way.
I get the... I'm so sorry bit. I'm not drinking sh!t. I'm not lying... and then he actually says fawk it and says, I am drinking and I can't stop! I need help. Please don't leave! I'll get better... n I'm like blah, blah, blah. I've heard this schpel many times before and he goes right back to hiding it. Lying about it. Keeping it going. If I lie enough, MAYBE!!!! JUST MAYBE!!!!! I WILL BELIEVE IT! Ugh..................................
I can't even share a bed with him right now. I don't trust a word he says and I told him so. His ACTIONS are what I'm going off of. This is NOT what I wanted my second marriage to be like. Like based off of a LIE! A LIE that suits YOU and screw ME!
He says I treat him like a kid. He refered to me as Mom yesterday. Then this morning he says, I (he) act like a kid. He is 54 years old. I should NOT have to feel obligated to spear head this relationship. I have told him I am TIRED! I devoted all summer to getting him through his spinal cord compression and surgery to get him better while he drank like an ass. Is it wrong to want him to be the man I need him to be and take care of ME?! I used to be able to count on him and now, I can't even count on him financially cuz he needs more time to drink.
If he does NOT actively and productively seek treatment starting tomorrow and get enrolled into something and attend ANYTHING before the New Year, I will be starting it alone, with my dogs at my brother's house.
Happy friggen New Year! *bends over to take it up the wazoo*
Last night, my AH desided to blow another night of work. You know, I feel like I'm in a fragile state as it is, getting through his 8 day bender 3 weeks ago and him blowing 3 days of work then. AND coming to the realization that HEY... my ass is in deep sh!t with him AND he lost the damn ores to get us out of sh!t creek. I didn't even want to put my beautiful Christmas Tree up this year and I pushed passed all the negative feelings I have/had because I know when it gets dark out, I can shut all the lights off and marvel at it's beauty and today, I just wanted to take it down and scream FAWK YOU JAMES!
Yesterday was the last day of PA Rifle Season. I got up at 4am to travel an hour into the woods and I sat in a tree stand with my girl, *my gun* an hour before the sun rose. It was pitch dark and the thought of watching the woods wake up gets me in a happy place. I knew when I left that I was going to have a long day because I was looking at a 12 hour midnight shift that night. The things I do to tag a deer, I will do. Hunting is for ME! It's my way of being close to God, in His Back Yard. I do my best thinking in the woods and a good hunt doesn't mean I come out with a dead animals blood on my hands. A good hunt is also finding peace and knowledge.
So... fast forward to 2am and I get a text from my brother who works with my husband at the DOC. He's doing perimeter and he asks me, Where's Jim. I respond, he's at work! No he's NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's at home drunk off his ass and I am about to go through the roof of our brand new Toyota Tacoma that we are going to lose to a $7 bottle of booze! How's that for reality?!
I swear, I'm at my breaking point. I would rather lose it all to him seeking treatment, not getting paid and him finding sobriety that to lose it all to him crawling in a $7 bottle of vodka and flipping me off. I told him today to seek treatment or I'm leaving! There is no other way.
I get the... I'm so sorry bit. I'm not drinking sh!t. I'm not lying... and then he actually says fawk it and says, I am drinking and I can't stop! I need help. Please don't leave! I'll get better... n I'm like blah, blah, blah. I've heard this schpel many times before and he goes right back to hiding it. Lying about it. Keeping it going. If I lie enough, MAYBE!!!! JUST MAYBE!!!!! I WILL BELIEVE IT! Ugh..................................
I can't even share a bed with him right now. I don't trust a word he says and I told him so. His ACTIONS are what I'm going off of. This is NOT what I wanted my second marriage to be like. Like based off of a LIE! A LIE that suits YOU and screw ME!
He says I treat him like a kid. He refered to me as Mom yesterday. Then this morning he says, I (he) act like a kid. He is 54 years old. I should NOT have to feel obligated to spear head this relationship. I have told him I am TIRED! I devoted all summer to getting him through his spinal cord compression and surgery to get him better while he drank like an ass. Is it wrong to want him to be the man I need him to be and take care of ME?! I used to be able to count on him and now, I can't even count on him financially cuz he needs more time to drink.
If he does NOT actively and productively seek treatment starting tomorrow and get enrolled into something and attend ANYTHING before the New Year, I will be starting it alone, with my dogs at my brother's house.
Happy friggen New Year! *bends over to take it up the wazoo*
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
Why are you giving him that choice?
Threats do not work with alcoholics-sooner than later they will always choose the booze.
They are experts at lying-we all know that.
Time to start figuring out what YOU want in YOUR life.
Good luck in figuring out what is best for YOU.
Threats do not work with alcoholics-sooner than later they will always choose the booze.
They are experts at lying-we all know that.
Time to start figuring out what YOU want in YOUR life.
Good luck in figuring out what is best for YOU.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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We alcoholics can only make the choice to get sober ourselves. Nobody, unfortunately, can tell us to do it. It does not work.
Years ago, before I had a drinking problem myself, I lived with an addict. I went through the same hell you did. I thought I could change him. I thought I could do something, anything to get him to stop drinking.
I decided to go to an Al-Anon meeting. At Al-Anon, I learned that the only person I have control over is myself. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about his drinking.
Years ago, before I had a drinking problem myself, I lived with an addict. I went through the same hell you did. I thought I could change him. I thought I could do something, anything to get him to stop drinking.
I decided to go to an Al-Anon meeting. At Al-Anon, I learned that the only person I have control over is myself. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about his drinking.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Boxinrotz, you are awesome! I love your hunting stories, how you find your peace in the woods, with your gun. I don't hunt, but I shoot, cause its a skill that could really come in handy some day.
Anyway, you are going to be just fine with all this, whatever it may end up looking like by new years. You are a strong woman. Keep on keepin' on.
Anyway, you are going to be just fine with all this, whatever it may end up looking like by new years. You are a strong woman. Keep on keepin' on.
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Tuffgirl... my baby is in the closet. She's my Diamond. I haven't been able to really do much with her and I pounded a hole through my bag before Archery started and don't have the $$ to buy a new one atm. The greatest thing about my Baby is that I can pull her out and get to it in the drive way. I can't do that with my Girl. lol
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OK now I am even more impressed. Some day, when the kids don't cost so darn much, I want a cross bow. And lessons! Lots of that up here in my neck of the woods.
I would think your husband would be just a little bit scared of you...if he doesn't get his crap together, ya know!
I would think your husband would be just a little bit scared of you...if he doesn't get his crap together, ya know!
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Don't get a cross bow. Get a compound! Cross bows are like shooting guns. Compounds take more skill. I have nothing against cross bows and with my shoulder the way it is acting, I'd really like to invest in one but if you gave me a choice, out of all my toys, I'd use my Diamond over any of them.
There is nothing like drawing back, looking through that peep and settling in. It is a stress reliever for me because it makes me concentrate on one thing and that is my target... hence the hole I pounded through it.
And you would think hubby would know better yet he does not. LMAO
There is nothing like drawing back, looking through that peep and settling in. It is a stress reliever for me because it makes me concentrate on one thing and that is my target... hence the hole I pounded through it.
And you would think hubby would know better yet he does not. LMAO
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My Chicka sleeps on my side of the bed. She's my 20 gauge break away. I have #4 shot in the jewlery box. She goes... Boom chicka Whaa WHAAAAAA! 
I use her strickly for home protection and the ocassional squirrel. :uzi:
I use her strickly for home protection and the ocassional squirrel. :uzi:
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Originally Posted by Rosiepetal 
Wow that's awesome.
I tried archery at kids camp, it was great.
Boxin you focus on you, spend time in the woods if that helps, so much better than dealing with what you're dealing with.
I tried archery at kids camp, it was great.
Boxin you focus on you, spend time in the woods if that helps, so much better than dealing with what you're dealing with.
Hubby is going to be having squirrel for dinner. 
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The reason why he still has a job is because he signed up for FMLA back in August when he exhausted all his sick time had saved up. He used all 240 hours for his surgery. So when he signed up for FMLA, they match it to his sick time but it's unpaid.
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What do you call a woman who shoots like that?
MA'AM!
Sorry to see you dealing with this Box. You know all the cliches so I will skip those and just say that I hope your monday is better and I am hoping you find an answer that works for you. Love the hunting stories, I love the woods but never took to hunting for the same reason as Ron White: it's cold outside and too friggin early ;-)
Does his DOC job come with STD insurance? Lol, short term disability insurance I mean, surely to goodness he would not bring home an std to a woman who shoots like that. It's usually not full pay but many insurance plans have good coverage for addiction. Easy to see why, rehab is cheaper than the alternatives.
I think my switch from total insanity to a manageable partial insanity started when I stopped feeaking out wondering what my darling AW would do next a year ago... Harm herself? Cause all sorts of highly public embarrassment that could cost my job? She would NOT get help. 12/26 was rock bottom, I have been saying that ever since then but I was wrong. 12/26 was MY rock bottom and when she refused to go to a hospital and threw the bottle at my head I escorted/dragged her to the car and drove her to my in-laws and left her there and told her she was not allowed to return until she got well. I JUST realized typing this that 12/26 was not her rock bottom... She was plastered and had a good day until I busted her and found the bottle and saw that she had go e past the point where she could hide being drunk. Two weeks before that I sat on the floor at the ER and cried because there seemed to be no help.
But 12/27 was her rock bottom, at around 3am she found herself shivering and looking I to the disappointed face of her big brother and heard the door thunk as I drove away. She woke the next morning to see that our fairy tale had turned into a pumpkin and she described the next week as total hell. She was crushed and loved/hated me with all her heart.
She dragged herself to an Aa meeting and dried out. We argued about her coming back for a month and eventually I relented and really she wasn't well enough but we had established that things would change or she was gone and it got better. It sounds like you are near your rock bottom and will reach yours before he hits his. When anything - ANYTHING - was better than arguing with a drunk who was suicidal and depressed I finally found the courage to save myself. I like to think I was just saving her but typing this and my recent discovery of radical self honesty... Well it's crap. No nobility there, I was not going to come home and find her dead and neither was my DD. I got selfish and decided I was done - she could get well or someone else could deal with it but I had had enough.
...and it saved her life as a side effect because she was broke, humiliated, alone and had lost her home and the man, stepdaughter and even the dogs she adored. No job, no prospects and no help. She was safe with family and had food and shelter but she was in hell and it was worse than sobriety.
Food for thought my dear :-)
I hope this time next year that your life has improved as much as mine did this year. Your life. You still control that.
Hang in there and don't shoot him ;-)
MA'AM!
Sorry to see you dealing with this Box. You know all the cliches so I will skip those and just say that I hope your monday is better and I am hoping you find an answer that works for you. Love the hunting stories, I love the woods but never took to hunting for the same reason as Ron White: it's cold outside and too friggin early ;-)
Does his DOC job come with STD insurance? Lol, short term disability insurance I mean, surely to goodness he would not bring home an std to a woman who shoots like that. It's usually not full pay but many insurance plans have good coverage for addiction. Easy to see why, rehab is cheaper than the alternatives.
I think my switch from total insanity to a manageable partial insanity started when I stopped feeaking out wondering what my darling AW would do next a year ago... Harm herself? Cause all sorts of highly public embarrassment that could cost my job? She would NOT get help. 12/26 was rock bottom, I have been saying that ever since then but I was wrong. 12/26 was MY rock bottom and when she refused to go to a hospital and threw the bottle at my head I escorted/dragged her to the car and drove her to my in-laws and left her there and told her she was not allowed to return until she got well. I JUST realized typing this that 12/26 was not her rock bottom... She was plastered and had a good day until I busted her and found the bottle and saw that she had go e past the point where she could hide being drunk. Two weeks before that I sat on the floor at the ER and cried because there seemed to be no help.
But 12/27 was her rock bottom, at around 3am she found herself shivering and looking I to the disappointed face of her big brother and heard the door thunk as I drove away. She woke the next morning to see that our fairy tale had turned into a pumpkin and she described the next week as total hell. She was crushed and loved/hated me with all her heart.
She dragged herself to an Aa meeting and dried out. We argued about her coming back for a month and eventually I relented and really she wasn't well enough but we had established that things would change or she was gone and it got better. It sounds like you are near your rock bottom and will reach yours before he hits his. When anything - ANYTHING - was better than arguing with a drunk who was suicidal and depressed I finally found the courage to save myself. I like to think I was just saving her but typing this and my recent discovery of radical self honesty... Well it's crap. No nobility there, I was not going to come home and find her dead and neither was my DD. I got selfish and decided I was done - she could get well or someone else could deal with it but I had had enough.
...and it saved her life as a side effect because she was broke, humiliated, alone and had lost her home and the man, stepdaughter and even the dogs she adored. No job, no prospects and no help. She was safe with family and had food and shelter but she was in hell and it was worse than sobriety.
Food for thought my dear :-)
I hope this time next year that your life has improved as much as mine did this year. Your life. You still control that.
Hang in there and don't shoot him ;-)
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
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Omg!!! Awesome bow! Love the pictures and I have got to get me one.
As for your husband good for you! I totally agree with getting fed up saying something and not accepting the bs he says. Maybe leaving. For a week or something stay at you brothers and make him think your gone... .that you will stay gone unless he takes initiative. ...?
I dunno. A thought
As for your husband good for you! I totally agree with getting fed up saying something and not accepting the bs he says. Maybe leaving. For a week or something stay at you brothers and make him think your gone... .that you will stay gone unless he takes initiative. ...?
I dunno. A thought
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Boxin - My dad bought me a 20 gauge with an 18.75 inch short barrel for home protection. I had it for 6 years and never shot it. Last year AH took me to a range and I shot it for the first time - and fell down. LMAO its got kick you should have seen people scatter when I was laying on the floor with that shotgun waving around in the air (thankfully it only holds one load). Now I like to go it is a great way to relieve stress.
Sorry this has happened to you but I am glad you have had enough - I wouldn't mess you personally
I hope James comes to his senses and gets help.
Sorry this has happened to you but I am glad you have had enough - I wouldn't mess you personally
I hope James comes to his senses and gets help.
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STD... lmao. He would be maimed. lol.
They don't. The way it works is, every week that an employee works at the DOC, an hour is earned and goes into sick leave. It's basically given to them. They can use it for anything and even sell it back to the state if they want. There are people who have worked there for 30 years and can use it up before retirement, not have to go to work, get paid n then retire. Other guys blow it. Jim used his and exhausted it for his neck surgery. It's basically STD. Once used, it's done. He could have filed for partial unemployment because he was not cleared from the neurosurgeon n work wouldn't let him in the door with a collar on but he didn't. He lost a week on his pay n he felt it was too much hassle. We missed a house payment over that. Ugh!!!
For some reason, he does not feel threatened by me. He definately needs his head checked!
They don't. The way it works is, every week that an employee works at the DOC, an hour is earned and goes into sick leave. It's basically given to them. They can use it for anything and even sell it back to the state if they want. There are people who have worked there for 30 years and can use it up before retirement, not have to go to work, get paid n then retire. Other guys blow it. Jim used his and exhausted it for his neck surgery. It's basically STD. Once used, it's done. He could have filed for partial unemployment because he was not cleared from the neurosurgeon n work wouldn't let him in the door with a collar on but he didn't. He lost a week on his pay n he felt it was too much hassle. We missed a house payment over that. Ugh!!!
For some reason, he does not feel threatened by me. He definately needs his head checked!
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
I am venting. I have no one to vent to and I have a meeting on Tuesday.
Venting to him is useless. He has to want it and if he doesn't then I have to take care of me. I know all this.
Venting to him is useless. He has to want it and if he doesn't then I have to take care of me. I know all this.
Sending hugs of support from frigid Kansas!
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Phillip Phillips - Home - YouTube
This was on my radio when I got in my truck to go to work last night. It hits me to the core of how I want him to feel. Not be afraid. To settle down. I want him to find his inner peace, not for me but for him. He deserves peace.
This was on my radio when I got in my truck to go to work last night. It hits me to the core of how I want him to feel. Not be afraid. To settle down. I want him to find his inner peace, not for me but for him. He deserves peace.
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