AutumnMama

Since I have learned about my husband's addiction problems, I have been trying to figure out how, as a child of two alcoholics, I ended up marrying one. The issue on the surface might seem "duh!!" simple, but it confused me because I feel like I can pick out an alcoholic from a mile away due to my parents, and to be honest, as an adult I am scared to even be friends with people who I think have a drinking problem.

So how did I end up marrying him?

I think I let myself be rescued.

My middle & highschool years were pretty rough. I went to college locally--which helped me somewhat escape the awful environment I was in (I didn't live at home while in college) but I was only 15 minutes away from my family, so it still lingered. When I graduated, I decided to put some distance between myself and my family, and moved across the country. All I had were two suitcases and a one way plane ticket!

I moved across the country in June, and started dating my husband in August. He saw me as broken (he STILL sees me as broken) and wanted to fix me, make me happy. I was swept off my feet by someone who wanted to take care of me--I hadn't experienced that much with my family. And poof!.... the rest is history.

And the escalation of his issues were overlooked by me because I have a pretty low bar when it comes to how I let people treat me. I mean, with all the crap he's done, he still treats me better than my mother treated me... or how I watched my step father treat her.

Anyway, I've been trying to figure out what similarities he had with my parents... and I really don't think there are any. They are completely different types of people. I think a type of person who wants to rescue someone that bad can just be co-morbid with substance abuse issues.

Now I need to focus on learning what a normal relationship looks like... and know in my soul that I am not in need of rescuing again.

Does that make any sense?

PeacefulWater12

I found Adult Child of Alcoholics meetings and 12 step program very helpful with the issues you describe.

Really eye opening to me, I was then able to make changes in myself.

Wamama48

It makes 100%, absolute perfect sense. I think you nailed it! Like you said, the healing begins.

Glenjo99

That makes a lot of sense. A codependent person is someone who likes to rescue and or fix others. And underneath all addiction (according to melody beattie) is codependency. Not all codependents are addicts or abuse substances although many do, but all addicts are codependent.

Rescuing can be a way of making one feel better about themselves, when they don't feel good inside, but this rescuing doesn't do either any good. It can only be temporary, and the one rescuing will usually resent the one they rescued in the end. That's been my experience.