10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
That is a pretty comprehensive list. This part especially
They say that they will quit for good if and when X happens.
Setting conditions is a major red flag. When they say they will quit when X happens, be very cautious of this. They are lying to themselves, in most cases.
I see this happen over and over again with pregnancy. “I will quit drinking for sure once the baby is born.” Guess what? It doesn’t work that way. I see it over and over again at the treatment center.
People think that a life-altering circumstance (such as a pregnancy) has the power to change their addiction. They are wrong.
Part of this is a trick we play on ourselves about the future. We believe that an event will make it easier to quit in the future. It is an easy trick of the mind, to imagine that things will come easier for us in the future.
Of course the future never comes, as it is always right now. And the only time you can decide to quit doing drugs and alcohol is right now. Simply delaying your decision for the future is not making a decision at all. This is classic denial that is easy to get wrapped up in.
Just remember this: future circumstances do not make it easier to quit drugs or alcohol. Ever. When we try to argue that it will be easier in the future, we are lying to ourselves.
The day I quit it was on the spot. I just had enough and admitted defeat. Then I did everything I could to put distance between my last drink and me. I didn't even tell my husband about my decision until I had 2 weeks clean.
They say that they will quit for good if and when X happens.
Setting conditions is a major red flag. When they say they will quit when X happens, be very cautious of this. They are lying to themselves, in most cases.
I see this happen over and over again with pregnancy. “I will quit drinking for sure once the baby is born.” Guess what? It doesn’t work that way. I see it over and over again at the treatment center.
People think that a life-altering circumstance (such as a pregnancy) has the power to change their addiction. They are wrong.
Part of this is a trick we play on ourselves about the future. We believe that an event will make it easier to quit in the future. It is an easy trick of the mind, to imagine that things will come easier for us in the future.
Of course the future never comes, as it is always right now. And the only time you can decide to quit doing drugs and alcohol is right now. Simply delaying your decision for the future is not making a decision at all. This is classic denial that is easy to get wrapped up in.
Just remember this: future circumstances do not make it easier to quit drugs or alcohol. Ever. When we try to argue that it will be easier in the future, we are lying to ourselves.
The day I quit it was on the spot. I just had enough and admitted defeat. Then I did everything I could to put distance between my last drink and me. I didn't even tell my husband about my decision until I had 2 weeks clean.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I am just laughing out loud right now, haha!!!!!!
My exABF may have been the person this list was based on. LMAO.
Said if I had been willing to have a baby with him, he would have been able to quit for the baby ✔️
Could not do it "for himself" ✔️
When drunk would say anything to just escape the heat he was facing ✔️
Tried AA for a short time, but during that time relied on another addiction: pot ✔️
During AA, spent time with another addict in AA who smoked pot with him ✔️
Kept friendships with active alcholics and friends who partied and drank heavily. People he used to get drunk with✔️
Did not try to actively change his lifestyle and activities, went to AA then to the bar with his friends to have a coca cola and harassed me to come meet him b/c he may drink✔️
When he had a serious embarassing episode that made him cave and look for help, it was still under the condition that he take his cell phone with him to the facility and they must have a pool and tennis court otherwise he is going to feel like he is in prison.✔️
Hahahahaha!!!! That last one is kinda funny. He actually set the bar at Malibu passages and said he cannot share a room with anyone else.
This article is right on. Wish I had this 4 years ago! Thank you for posting this.
My exABF may have been the person this list was based on. LMAO.
Said if I had been willing to have a baby with him, he would have been able to quit for the baby ✔️
Could not do it "for himself" ✔️
When drunk would say anything to just escape the heat he was facing ✔️
Tried AA for a short time, but during that time relied on another addiction: pot ✔️
During AA, spent time with another addict in AA who smoked pot with him ✔️
Kept friendships with active alcholics and friends who partied and drank heavily. People he used to get drunk with✔️
Did not try to actively change his lifestyle and activities, went to AA then to the bar with his friends to have a coca cola and harassed me to come meet him b/c he may drink✔️
When he had a serious embarassing episode that made him cave and look for help, it was still under the condition that he take his cell phone with him to the facility and they must have a pool and tennis court otherwise he is going to feel like he is in prison.✔️
Hahahahaha!!!! That last one is kinda funny. He actually set the bar at Malibu passages and said he cannot share a room with anyone else.
This article is right on. Wish I had this 4 years ago! Thank you for posting this.
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by Pelican 
I copied this from the F&F of Substance Abusers page, originally posted by Cynical One in 2011:
You will know when they are ready to change when they say “I need help. Tell me what to do.”
That is a true moment of surrender. Everything else is a form of manipulation or denial.
You will know when they are ready to change when they say “I need help. Tell me what to do.”
That is a true moment of surrender. Everything else is a form of manipulation or denial.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I agree with all of these but this because one, this one takes time or at least for me it did.
"They say they want to stop using but they continue to struggle for control in every situation, rather than letting go and surrendering."
I surrendered that I was an alcoholic at the start but there were many times that I still tried to control things and I didn't realize I was doing it. It took time to see that in myself. It is a lot better now but there are times I still do this although I can usually see it before I react or take actions because of it.
Letting go was a process for me, it was not something I started doing a day, a week or even a month into recovery.
"They say they want to stop using but they continue to struggle for control in every situation, rather than letting go and surrendering."
I surrendered that I was an alcoholic at the start but there were many times that I still tried to control things and I didn't realize I was doing it. It took time to see that in myself. It is a lot better now but there are times I still do this although I can usually see it before I react or take actions because of it.
Letting go was a process for me, it was not something I started doing a day, a week or even a month into recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
Dandylion,
haha. i know it is great right? very funny. I even told my mom and we were kinda laughing. A room at Malibu passages, (for 1 person) runs 65k for 3mo. he is not a celebrity, but I think the entitlement yes from his work and the fact that he does not want to get sober so it better be one fun month if he is gonna stop drinking. LoL. That is why this article is so spot on!
haha. i know it is great right? very funny. I even told my mom and we were kinda laughing. A room at Malibu passages, (for 1 person) runs 65k for 3mo. he is not a celebrity, but I think the entitlement yes from his work and the fact that he does not want to get sober so it better be one fun month if he is gonna stop drinking. LoL. That is why this article is so spot on!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 2,994
That was needed. I am a recovering Alcoholic. My XAH called tonight with outrageous quacking. Of course he had been drinking. His sense of history is crazy. I can actually remember how it was now that I’m sober.
Dejavu.
Dejavu.
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