BoxinRotz

I know it sounds crazy because everyone likes to be right at one time or another but today, I didn't want to be right when AH said, You are right.

To start, we had a good day today without alcohol running through him. We went to the gym and on our way, he said, *I want a saw.* It's a circular saw but I told him, *Ya know Honey, instead of going to the liquor store, you could go to LOWES and buy the wood for your work bench and just buy the saw or tools that you want.* As he was driving, he thought and said, *But the saw is expensive.* I said, *Do you remember that 8 day bender a few weeks ago?* He said *Yes* I said, *You could have went and bought a saw and threw $20 more dollars at it to get one.*

I swear, he had a light bulb moment and said, You are right!

He's been talking about a work bench for 3 years and instead of taking the $8 bucks and getting a piece of wood, he would pi$$ it away instead. He'll be the first to tell me to go spend money and buy something for me but you know what... I told him, I'd rather see you go to LOWES and buy yourself something whenever that urge hits you to drink. I'd rather see you walk in the house with something you need or want than with something that's going to make you sick and make me sick to look at you.

Although I knew I was right in what I was saying, I kinda wish he'd of though of it himself. I hope he remembers it the next time he wants to drink.

Tuffgirl

I hope so, too.

This was a great point of conversation for me and the ex - he seemed to respond to the financial aspect of it all far more calmly than to anything else. I added up how much had been spent in a month, and putting it on paper, it was hard to say it was not significant! I compared it to a car payment on a new Jaguar, or a hefty credit card balance being paid off in short order, or money saved to go toward a down payment on a bigger house. Hard to argue with numbers!

BoxinRotz

We sat here yesterday at midnight chatting and figured out that his 8 day binge cost us (as a family) over $600.00.

Why so much? Because he blew 3 days of work and lost over time.

thislonelygirl

I hope he does too. Theres never a clear answer or reason why they know things though and drink anyways other than addiction but I hope your words of truth hit him atleast enough to want to quit

thislonelygirl

Tried before to explaon finances to ah about how much he spends on alcohol in the past and it always went 1 of 2 ways. 1. He got defensive and talked about my smokimg habbit etc and how obviously it cost more than his or 2. Got sad and retreated. I think its great that he was able to actually talk with you about this

inpieces314

Anyway, it's a huge bonus that he admitted you were right.
That he saw what he could have done.
That maybe next time he WILL do that instead.
That he didn't argue with you just to prove you wrong.
That he didn't go drink over it.

Think of the positive.

BoxinRotz

I don't think he actually put thought into how much he spends on his alcohol and what he could buy instead because to him, it's only $7-$8 at a clip. But add that up and whoa.... That's a lot of money that I could have bought the wood for that work bench AND put a new porch on the house.

BoxinRotz

He is very open with me when sober and we had a sober moment. We discuss everything openly even if it hurts and I get that he has a problem controlling his alcoholism and he admits it too. He talks about things he coulda, shoulda woulda done but didn't. He is definately a work in progress with bumps along the way. He has never thrown my smoking up in my face or retreated in guilt or sadness even though he has shown sadness and guilt due to his alcoholism.

I pray for him every night. I hope that someday, he will conquer it and enjoy sobriety once again.

BoxinRotz

He has admitted I was right a few times. Once was this summer when he absolutely refused medical treatment for a C3&C4 compression on the spinal cord. Hey... as long at the elbow bent and he had his other hand to steady the bottle, he was good. *I'm being an ass when I say that but he put me through hell watching him lose mobility* He said after his surgery, *I should have listened to you!!! YOU WERE RIGHT!*

He definately saw what he could have done and it felt like a break through.

I hope he does something else instead of going to the liquor store.

He really doesn't argue with me when he's sober. It's so weird but we don't fight at all. When it gets heated, he's drunk and that's that. He is a very caring, kind, considerate, well mannered gentleman with me. Add vodka and he's an instant idiot.

thislonelygirl

Thats good. It took alot of work and problems before I got any shred of hope that he knew what was going on instead of denial.
I too hope your ah finds sobreity....he is missing out on the best drunk he could get.... life.

Titanic

Couldn't help but think that while they spend our bread at the liquor store, we go to the hardware store for bread! Oh, this disease.