Newbie Who Would Appreciate All Perspectives from BTDT FFA Members
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 13
Newbie Who Would Appreciate All Perspectives from BTDT FFA Members
Hi All,
I am new and am warning you now this could qualify as a novella.
Background on me...
Familiar with 12 Step foundations due to Al-Anon meetings as a child, and GA meetings for myself
History of Binge Drinking, down to 2 drinks per year with a relapse every 2-3 years gambling addiction of varying degrees (so by no means perfect)
Diagnosed with some mental disorders along the BiPolar lines, maintained well with meds
Now on to the issue, the "hubby"...
We have been together 6 years "married" for 3. Drank together early in relationship, but after a period of him drinking in secret, (He would go to work, buy hard liquor, drink it there and never mention it) I asked him to stop, and he went on a hiatus. Gradually, he started drinking again, one beer a month, then one a week, etc. (He cannot hold his liquor, exhibits signs of inebriation after only a few sips) Fast forward a few years, and his need for mental health help becomes obvious, (PTSD, anxiety, phobias, etc.) Obviously liquor and meds do not go together. So he is limited to the very rare beer or margarita.
A few months ago, things went downhill fast, his health is deteriorating due to medical issues (not alcohol related, PHEW). He is self-employed, I am on disability, and as stresses go up, unbeknownst to me, so does his drinking. He is soon diagnosed with dissociative disorder, and all the times I thought he was drunk are now actually a mental health issue. Within a week I catch him with the "secret drinking" again. He admits that "once or twice" he was doing shots, and agrees to address this with his therapist, and promises not to drink, not even beer. I make it clear that there will be no next time, we will be through.
Within last 2 weeks, things start getting hinky, and I am the loving CLUELESS wife. I take him to ER with a medication reaction as Dr. started him on vicodin and valium, and he nearly passes out, everyone asks about alcohol use, and of course we both say "NO WAY", although ER doc says alcohol level is high, but I "know" he misspoke and meant valium, they sound the same right!?! Only 2 more episodes of dissociative instances since then, and not as bad as usual.
BUT THEN...yesterday afternoon, a neighbor says hubby is incoherent, stumbling and walking down street, I run home, knock on door, hear him stumble to answer it and then CRASH! He's so out of it, he faceplants on a steel shelf, splits open cheek, and off we go to ER again. (All because of those stupid vicodin that he has to take for pain!!)
Oh, until his BAC (drawn at my request) reads .344, yep .344!! So all of these dissociative issues were actually alcohol induced black-outs, he has lied to me for 3 solid months, and his back pain does not get any better because he is smart enough not to mix alcohol and drugs, and chooses to skip pain meds in order to drink.
So of course, now the relationship is done! Or is it?
Finally, we get to My dilemma: I threw him out when we got back, which doesn't really work, we have adjoining properties, so he just moved next door. I took him to therapist today, and they are looking for an inpatient detox/ rehab (1-3 month program, but is not expected to find an opening for at least a week) In the meantime, it is 2-3 AA meetings per day, with daily therapist check-ins, urine tests, and group therapy each weekday until placement.
I took him to his first meeting tonight, at therapist's urging, both for moral support and my knowledge of how meetings work. I am sure this is his rock bottom and he is serious, So now I am stuck... I have been there, and I know firsthand how a strong support system can mean success or failure. But I am afraid that by being supportive through his recovery, it will seem as if I was not serious about the status of the relationship. If he recovers, maybe we do have a chance, but I could care less at this point. I am concerned for him, as I would be for anyone I care for.
Part of me says he needs all the support he can get to succeed, the other part says back off, and do not encourage communication. If anyone has gone through this, please share your thoughts. I am so confused. I am the least co-dependant or enabling person I know. Which is why I cannot decide if my support would do more harm than good. I do love him and care for him deeply, but the person that he was, not is.
I am new and am warning you now this could qualify as a novella.
Background on me...
Familiar with 12 Step foundations due to Al-Anon meetings as a child, and GA meetings for myself
History of Binge Drinking, down to 2 drinks per year with a relapse every 2-3 years gambling addiction of varying degrees (so by no means perfect)
Diagnosed with some mental disorders along the BiPolar lines, maintained well with meds
Now on to the issue, the "hubby"...
We have been together 6 years "married" for 3. Drank together early in relationship, but after a period of him drinking in secret, (He would go to work, buy hard liquor, drink it there and never mention it) I asked him to stop, and he went on a hiatus. Gradually, he started drinking again, one beer a month, then one a week, etc. (He cannot hold his liquor, exhibits signs of inebriation after only a few sips) Fast forward a few years, and his need for mental health help becomes obvious, (PTSD, anxiety, phobias, etc.) Obviously liquor and meds do not go together. So he is limited to the very rare beer or margarita.
A few months ago, things went downhill fast, his health is deteriorating due to medical issues (not alcohol related, PHEW). He is self-employed, I am on disability, and as stresses go up, unbeknownst to me, so does his drinking. He is soon diagnosed with dissociative disorder, and all the times I thought he was drunk are now actually a mental health issue. Within a week I catch him with the "secret drinking" again. He admits that "once or twice" he was doing shots, and agrees to address this with his therapist, and promises not to drink, not even beer. I make it clear that there will be no next time, we will be through.
Within last 2 weeks, things start getting hinky, and I am the loving CLUELESS wife. I take him to ER with a medication reaction as Dr. started him on vicodin and valium, and he nearly passes out, everyone asks about alcohol use, and of course we both say "NO WAY", although ER doc says alcohol level is high, but I "know" he misspoke and meant valium, they sound the same right!?! Only 2 more episodes of dissociative instances since then, and not as bad as usual.
BUT THEN...yesterday afternoon, a neighbor says hubby is incoherent, stumbling and walking down street, I run home, knock on door, hear him stumble to answer it and then CRASH! He's so out of it, he faceplants on a steel shelf, splits open cheek, and off we go to ER again. (All because of those stupid vicodin that he has to take for pain!!)
Oh, until his BAC (drawn at my request) reads .344, yep .344!! So all of these dissociative issues were actually alcohol induced black-outs, he has lied to me for 3 solid months, and his back pain does not get any better because he is smart enough not to mix alcohol and drugs, and chooses to skip pain meds in order to drink.
So of course, now the relationship is done! Or is it?
Finally, we get to My dilemma: I threw him out when we got back, which doesn't really work, we have adjoining properties, so he just moved next door. I took him to therapist today, and they are looking for an inpatient detox/ rehab (1-3 month program, but is not expected to find an opening for at least a week) In the meantime, it is 2-3 AA meetings per day, with daily therapist check-ins, urine tests, and group therapy each weekday until placement.
I took him to his first meeting tonight, at therapist's urging, both for moral support and my knowledge of how meetings work. I am sure this is his rock bottom and he is serious, So now I am stuck... I have been there, and I know firsthand how a strong support system can mean success or failure. But I am afraid that by being supportive through his recovery, it will seem as if I was not serious about the status of the relationship. If he recovers, maybe we do have a chance, but I could care less at this point. I am concerned for him, as I would be for anyone I care for.
Part of me says he needs all the support he can get to succeed, the other part says back off, and do not encourage communication. If anyone has gone through this, please share your thoughts. I am so confused. I am the least co-dependant or enabling person I know. Which is why I cannot decide if my support would do more harm than good. I do love him and care for him deeply, but the person that he was, not is.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Tryingtoforgive, my story with my STBXAH of 20 years is strikingly similar to yours. In June, my AH was rushed to the ER from a restaurant after seemingly having only one and a half cocktails. He was near coma, and I, too, thought it was primarily medical issues, though he had been drinking extremely heavily for a long time, particularly the last six months. The ER said his BAC was 325, which, if you've looked it up, means possible coma and death. When he came to, he had to be subdued by 8 ER staff and security guards.
He also said the ER lied about his BAC and seriously thought about suing them. I left a month later on July 4th when his concurrent porn addiction became abhorrent. I filed for divorce a week later.
In my case, there was also longstanding and severe emotional abuse. So, for me, there was no going back. If you're familiar with the term gaslighting, that's what happened to me. Over the years, I fell under my AH's spell, and I became more and more subordinate to his life views, more captured in his and my increasingly isolated life style, and less and less of my own person.
It has been a long process for me to begin to figure out, like the sea and the shore, where I begin and where he ends. This was especially confusing because I attributed so much of his behavior to genuine medical issues, including a diagnosis of disassociated personality. The truth is that disassociation IS what happens when people have alcoholic blackouts, though it also be caused solely by other medical conditions.
So the observation of that condition was accurate, but there was no comprehension of the profound impact of all the alcohol he was imbibing. The falls, the shaking hands, the dizziness, the GI problems, the blackouts,many other symptoms were attributed to health problems, and that could have true, and probably was an added layer of risk and impact, as was all the heavy duty medicine he took.
But the truth behind it all is that my AH is an alcoholic.
Here's a chart I found on Wikipedia backed up by lots of scholarly research about the effects of alcohol withdrawal and BAC:
"Different concentrations of alcohol in the human body have different effects on the subject.
The following lists the common effects of alcohol on the body, depending on the blood alcohol concentration (BAC). However, tolerance varies considerably between individuals, as does individual response to a given dosage; the effects of alcohol differ widely between people. Hence, BAC percentages are just estimates used for illustrative purposes.
Euphoria (BAC = 0.03% to 0.12%)
• Overall improvement in mood and possible euphoria
• Increased self-confidence
• Increased sociability
• Shortened attention span
• Flushed appearance
• Impaired judgment
• Impaired fine muscle coordination
Lethargy (BAC = 0.09% to 0.25%)
• Sedation
• Impaired memory and comprehension
• Delayed reactions
• Ataxia; balance difficulty; unbalanced walk
• Blurred vision; other senses may be impaired
Confusion (BAC = 0.18% to 0.30%)
• Profound confusion
• Impaired senses
• Analgesia
• Increased ataxia; impaired speech; staggering
• Dizziness often associated with nausea ("the spins")
• Vomiting (emesis)
Stupor (BAC = 0.25% to 0.40%)
• Severe ataxia
• Lapses in and out of consciousness
• Unconsciousness
• Anterograde amnesia
• Vomiting (death may occur due to inhalation of vomit (pulmonary aspiration) while unconscious)
• Respiratory depression (potentially life-threatening)
• Decreased heart rate (usually results in coldness and/or numbness of the limbs)
• Urinary incontinence
Coma (BAC = 0.35% to 0.50%)
• Unconsciousness (coma)
• Depressed reflexes (i.e., pupils do not respond appropriately to changes in light)
• Marked and life-threatening respiratory depression
• Markedly decreased heart rate
• Most deaths from alcohol poisoning are caused by dosage levels in this range."
You can google the article if you want; I found it shocking.
As to what to do next, I'd suggest re-visiting the topic of addiction and alcoholism from the Friends and Families point of view. That can be very different than from the alcoholic's point of view.
At the top of the Friends and Families page here on Sober Recovery, there are threads called "stickies" that compile the best of the information here in past posts about various related topics. Read as much as you can.
Common recommendations here on SR are to try six different Alanon meetings to find as a home base. I think it will be extremely useful for you to hear the perspective of those who live with addiction rather than suffer from it themselves.
The question of whether we are co-dependent with our alcoholic/drug user love ones, or part of their genuine support system is a tricky one, and I think it is at the heart of your question. You'll get a lot of support here from people who have parsed that sentence, including from "double winners" who are both recovering alcoholics and friends/family of an alcoholic.
You might also try posting on the Families and Friends of Drug Addicts section here on SR and get their perspective on the drug addiction.
When I came to SR, I was told the 3 c's:
You didn't cause it;
You can't control it;
You can't cure it.
Alanon teaches us to take care of ourselves first, because we truly can only change and affect our own behavior. It is the alcoholic's accountability to deal with their own disease, and they are the only ones who can do that.
For me, returning home was not viable once I realized the extent of the corollary abuse that I had been suffering. For you, that may be different. What helps me is realizing that I can only "walk my side of the street" and my AH does not want to give up his alcohol.
You don't have to stay on the Titanic if and when you decide that it is sinking, and that is a very personal decision.
ShootingStar1
He also said the ER lied about his BAC and seriously thought about suing them. I left a month later on July 4th when his concurrent porn addiction became abhorrent. I filed for divorce a week later.
In my case, there was also longstanding and severe emotional abuse. So, for me, there was no going back. If you're familiar with the term gaslighting, that's what happened to me. Over the years, I fell under my AH's spell, and I became more and more subordinate to his life views, more captured in his and my increasingly isolated life style, and less and less of my own person.
It has been a long process for me to begin to figure out, like the sea and the shore, where I begin and where he ends. This was especially confusing because I attributed so much of his behavior to genuine medical issues, including a diagnosis of disassociated personality. The truth is that disassociation IS what happens when people have alcoholic blackouts, though it also be caused solely by other medical conditions.
So the observation of that condition was accurate, but there was no comprehension of the profound impact of all the alcohol he was imbibing. The falls, the shaking hands, the dizziness, the GI problems, the blackouts,many other symptoms were attributed to health problems, and that could have true, and probably was an added layer of risk and impact, as was all the heavy duty medicine he took.
But the truth behind it all is that my AH is an alcoholic.
Here's a chart I found on Wikipedia backed up by lots of scholarly research about the effects of alcohol withdrawal and BAC:
"Different concentrations of alcohol in the human body have different effects on the subject.
The following lists the common effects of alcohol on the body, depending on the blood alcohol concentration (BAC). However, tolerance varies considerably between individuals, as does individual response to a given dosage; the effects of alcohol differ widely between people. Hence, BAC percentages are just estimates used for illustrative purposes.
Euphoria (BAC = 0.03% to 0.12%)
• Overall improvement in mood and possible euphoria
• Increased self-confidence
• Increased sociability
• Shortened attention span
• Flushed appearance
• Impaired judgment
• Impaired fine muscle coordination
Lethargy (BAC = 0.09% to 0.25%)
• Sedation
• Impaired memory and comprehension
• Delayed reactions
• Ataxia; balance difficulty; unbalanced walk
• Blurred vision; other senses may be impaired
Confusion (BAC = 0.18% to 0.30%)
• Profound confusion
• Impaired senses
• Analgesia
• Increased ataxia; impaired speech; staggering
• Dizziness often associated with nausea ("the spins")
• Vomiting (emesis)
Stupor (BAC = 0.25% to 0.40%)
• Severe ataxia
• Lapses in and out of consciousness
• Unconsciousness
• Anterograde amnesia
• Vomiting (death may occur due to inhalation of vomit (pulmonary aspiration) while unconscious)
• Respiratory depression (potentially life-threatening)
• Decreased heart rate (usually results in coldness and/or numbness of the limbs)
• Urinary incontinence
Coma (BAC = 0.35% to 0.50%)
• Unconsciousness (coma)
• Depressed reflexes (i.e., pupils do not respond appropriately to changes in light)
• Marked and life-threatening respiratory depression
• Markedly decreased heart rate
• Most deaths from alcohol poisoning are caused by dosage levels in this range."
You can google the article if you want; I found it shocking.
As to what to do next, I'd suggest re-visiting the topic of addiction and alcoholism from the Friends and Families point of view. That can be very different than from the alcoholic's point of view.
At the top of the Friends and Families page here on Sober Recovery, there are threads called "stickies" that compile the best of the information here in past posts about various related topics. Read as much as you can.
Common recommendations here on SR are to try six different Alanon meetings to find as a home base. I think it will be extremely useful for you to hear the perspective of those who live with addiction rather than suffer from it themselves.
The question of whether we are co-dependent with our alcoholic/drug user love ones, or part of their genuine support system is a tricky one, and I think it is at the heart of your question. You'll get a lot of support here from people who have parsed that sentence, including from "double winners" who are both recovering alcoholics and friends/family of an alcoholic.
You might also try posting on the Families and Friends of Drug Addicts section here on SR and get their perspective on the drug addiction.
When I came to SR, I was told the 3 c's:
You didn't cause it;
You can't control it;
You can't cure it.
Alanon teaches us to take care of ourselves first, because we truly can only change and affect our own behavior. It is the alcoholic's accountability to deal with their own disease, and they are the only ones who can do that.
For me, returning home was not viable once I realized the extent of the corollary abuse that I had been suffering. For you, that may be different. What helps me is realizing that I can only "walk my side of the street" and my AH does not want to give up his alcohol.
You don't have to stay on the Titanic if and when you decide that it is sinking, and that is a very personal decision.
ShootingStar1
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Tryingtoforgive:
I see that you are familiar with 12 step approaches, but you should also be aware that the 12 step philosophy is not all there is.
If you are interested in expanding your knowledge about recovery, you might benefit from checking out the family and friends forums over at SMART Recovery, reading the family and friends manual and the book: Get Your Loved One Sober by Drs. Meyers and Wolfe.
Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention
I see that you are familiar with 12 step approaches, but you should also be aware that the 12 step philosophy is not all there is.
If you are interested in expanding your knowledge about recovery, you might benefit from checking out the family and friends forums over at SMART Recovery, reading the family and friends manual and the book: Get Your Loved One Sober by Drs. Meyers and Wolfe.
Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
You may want to ask about or check out BCT as well as SMART & CRAFT.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-addicts.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-addicts.html
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
The Get Your Loved One Sober approach of R. Meyers and B. Wolfe is called Community Reinforcement And Family Training (CRAFT). It is one of many available components in the current continuum of addiction care in this country.
Here is a quote about CRAFT from Chapter 62 "Family Involvement in Addiction, Treatment and Recovery" in Principles of Addiction Medicine, Fourth Edition (2009), the leading treatise of the American Society of Addiction Medicine:
"When the addicted person refuses any involvement in formal treatment, there is unilateral family therapy (56) and community reinforcement and family training (57-59), which trains concerned significant others (CSOs) to positively reinforce abstinence, reduced substance use, and recovery behaviors while negatively reinforcing continuing substance abuse.
The community reinforcement and family training procedure when tested in a randomized controlled trial with 130 CSOs of alcoholics found that 64% of their index patients engaged in alcoholism treatment, whereas the Johnson Institute Intervention engaged only 30% and Al-Anon facilitation only 13% (58). These results reflect the dominant themes of Al-Anon: disengage from alcoholic behavior (stop enabling); abandon hope of influencing the drinking behavior; take care of yourself." Page 863 (numbers in parentheses are footnote numbers).
The 12-session CRAFT approach PLUS weekly group "booster sessions" can increase the rate of engagement into treatment of unmotivated addicts to 76.7%. Chapter 25, page 366.
Half of Chapter 57 in that treatise is devoted to CRAFT.
Some alcoholics/addicts get no care and do not recover. A few loner As quit "cold turkey" and many others quit with just the AA/NA program. At the other end of the spectrum are the alcoholics/addicts who recover having the full backing and resources of their families, and the full range of addiction care. ARISE, CRAFT & BCT fall towards that end of the spectrum. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nvitation.html
"Meta-analyses and reviews of studies on family oriented treatment approaches have shown superior rates of engagement, treatment outcome, and participation in aftercare when compared with individual oriented care (63-66). The evidence fro the Stanton and Shadish (66) meta-analysis of 1,571 cases involving an estimated 3,500 patients and family members favored family therapy over individual counseling or therapy, peer group therapy, and family psychoeducation. It was effective for adolescents and adults. It can also enhance methadone maintenance and other medication assisted treatments. It promtes higher treatment retention, which improves outcome." Chapter 62, page 864.
Regardless of the care modalities employed (or not), a certain percentage of alcoholics and addicts will not sustain recovery. And domestic violence as well as antisocial personality disorders severely restrict the available avenues of care.
Here is a quote about CRAFT from Chapter 62 "Family Involvement in Addiction, Treatment and Recovery" in Principles of Addiction Medicine, Fourth Edition (2009), the leading treatise of the American Society of Addiction Medicine:
"When the addicted person refuses any involvement in formal treatment, there is unilateral family therapy (56) and community reinforcement and family training (57-59), which trains concerned significant others (CSOs) to positively reinforce abstinence, reduced substance use, and recovery behaviors while negatively reinforcing continuing substance abuse.
The community reinforcement and family training procedure when tested in a randomized controlled trial with 130 CSOs of alcoholics found that 64% of their index patients engaged in alcoholism treatment, whereas the Johnson Institute Intervention engaged only 30% and Al-Anon facilitation only 13% (58). These results reflect the dominant themes of Al-Anon: disengage from alcoholic behavior (stop enabling); abandon hope of influencing the drinking behavior; take care of yourself." Page 863 (numbers in parentheses are footnote numbers).
The 12-session CRAFT approach PLUS weekly group "booster sessions" can increase the rate of engagement into treatment of unmotivated addicts to 76.7%. Chapter 25, page 366.
Half of Chapter 57 in that treatise is devoted to CRAFT.
Some alcoholics/addicts get no care and do not recover. A few loner As quit "cold turkey" and many others quit with just the AA/NA program. At the other end of the spectrum are the alcoholics/addicts who recover having the full backing and resources of their families, and the full range of addiction care. ARISE, CRAFT & BCT fall towards that end of the spectrum. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nvitation.html
"Meta-analyses and reviews of studies on family oriented treatment approaches have shown superior rates of engagement, treatment outcome, and participation in aftercare when compared with individual oriented care (63-66). The evidence fro the Stanton and Shadish (66) meta-analysis of 1,571 cases involving an estimated 3,500 patients and family members favored family therapy over individual counseling or therapy, peer group therapy, and family psychoeducation. It was effective for adolescents and adults. It can also enhance methadone maintenance and other medication assisted treatments. It promtes higher treatment retention, which improves outcome." Chapter 62, page 864.
Regardless of the care modalities employed (or not), a certain percentage of alcoholics and addicts will not sustain recovery. And domestic violence as well as antisocial personality disorders severely restrict the available avenues of care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Hi and welcome. Whatever your methods (I consume all kinds of media to educate myself on addiction, in addition to personal counseling), SR can be a tremendous resource. We all have loads of personal experience with addiction. Some of us are friends and family, and some of us are double winners. There are a handful of people on the boards who have stories that are nearly identical to mine, and another handful who have written something that completely rocked my understanding of what I'm doing and what this all means. Through my participation here in conjunction with counseling, I have gone through a massive transformation that helps me understand how I got here and where I'm going next.
I separated from my husband after seeing him in and out of rehabs for two years, including through my pregnancy with our daughter. I'll never forget the day I dropped him off at the first detox center, when they drew his blood and told me he was at .3 BAC. He was talking to the intake counselor the same as you or I would talk to a stranger on the elevator -- affable, coherent, and upright! I walked out of there for the first time really understanding that I had no idea what I was dealing with. I was seeing the tip of the iceberg. It was devastating and confusing, and I had no idea what my role should be.
Anyway, welcome again, and keep reading and participating. Share when you can, even if just to offer your own experience.
I separated from my husband after seeing him in and out of rehabs for two years, including through my pregnancy with our daughter. I'll never forget the day I dropped him off at the first detox center, when they drew his blood and told me he was at .3 BAC. He was talking to the intake counselor the same as you or I would talk to a stranger on the elevator -- affable, coherent, and upright! I walked out of there for the first time really understanding that I had no idea what I was dealing with. I was seeing the tip of the iceberg. It was devastating and confusing, and I had no idea what my role should be.
Anyway, welcome again, and keep reading and participating. Share when you can, even if just to offer your own experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 13
Reply to ShootingStar1: 90% of your story is identical to mine. The main difference is I would describe myself as the dominant personality, but I am not guilty of being a narcissist. 90% of his negative comments are about how controlling I am, and how he has no rights -- this goes over really well, since I tell him that he has known that for 6 years, it is not the same as me being unaware of a drinking problem, from his secrets and deception. We also have 0 (zero) friends, but that is because I am slightly antisocial, and he is incredibly shy.
One thing I did not mention in my initial post is my own history with binge drinking. I have topped his BAC on several occasions, I had .35+ nine times in a one year period. But I have never denied my issues. In fact I was dumb enough to be proud that I could beat anyone drink for drink, and hold my liquor better than most.
I think I even qualify as one of your "double winners", but I always say that I am an alcoholic, but I don't have a drinking "problem". I am mostly content with my drinking behavior, since I have come so far in my control over my problem. Yeah, I know, everyone has heard it before, and they all think I am delusional and in denial.
But that is a topic that belongs in another time and place.
One thing I did not mention in my initial post is my own history with binge drinking. I have topped his BAC on several occasions, I had .35+ nine times in a one year period. But I have never denied my issues. In fact I was dumb enough to be proud that I could beat anyone drink for drink, and hold my liquor better than most.
I think I even qualify as one of your "double winners", but I always say that I am an alcoholic, but I don't have a drinking "problem". I am mostly content with my drinking behavior, since I have come so far in my control over my problem. Yeah, I know, everyone has heard it before, and they all think I am delusional and in denial.
But that is a topic that belongs in another time and place.
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