Ah shows such little concern for me and surfs porn YUCK!

Old 12-06-2012, 07:24 PM
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Ah shows such little concern for me and surfs porn YUCK!

I really think if I fell out in the floor he would be uninterested. I found out today my blood pressure is borderline high and casually mentioned I need to get that straight - have always been healthy - I need to cut stress out and I know this is God's way of saying chill out! DO you think he said wow babe we need to exercise - anything? He said absolutely nothing and then just started spewing his negativity - the boss is an asshat - his knee hurts ( he wants knee surgery so he can not work for a while ) - I am truly not surprised. Just another wake up for me. On a totally different topic totally - does anyone else's AH have an internet porn addiction. He does it on our laptop and when I got on it to play solitaire he left a video minimized and then there was some conversation that came up. What the hell is that? I mentioned it and he acted all offended - I feel like white trash with the drinking and the porn. OMG!

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Old 12-06-2012, 07:51 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your high blood pressure and that your AH isn't concerned. As someone once wrote on SR: "I could stand on my head and spit nickels and my AH wouldn't notice me!" I've always loved that line, because it painted a pretty accurate picture of my AH before I left.

I can also sympathize with the porn--ugh. When my AH was at detox/rehab I had to run our small business (which he usually ran out of an office in town). I went to use his office computer and it was loaded with porn. It blindsided me and grossed me out (I didn't even have to look at the videos--just the names gave me the creeps). I've mentioned it to two different therapists and they always say something vague like well, porn is complicated... Well, not to me! It's demeaning, and I would be so upset if my children were ever to be exposed to that (they are quite young).

I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. I write this at the risk of sounding trivial, but I keep thinking how totally unsexy alcoholism is. If I just ran everything through a filter of: is what my AH is doing right now sexy or not, I probably would have left far sooner (and that would've been good thing, imo)!

But seriously, I tend to internalize stress and it affects me physically if I don't take time for myself. So even though it gets repeated often here on SR, do take care of yourself, keep making YOU your #1 priority!
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Old 12-06-2012, 08:27 PM
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hmm. I totally understand, when I developed Plantar fasciitis, axbf just seemed totally unsympathetic, like he couldn't understand why the apartment wasn't as clean because I was in pain. Did he offer to help me out more or give a foot massage, anything? No of course not. I found that he was also looking at transsexual porn on my computer and when I asked him about it, he said "Somebody on Facebook told me to look at that".

Blah blah blah, lies lies. So sorry you are going through this. Of course he doesn't care about you, he's totally self-absorbed.
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Old 12-06-2012, 09:00 PM
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My husband is repulsed by porn and won't watch a love scene in a movie. He's affectionate with me though on good days.... but he sure does love his vodka. lol


I hope you get to feeling better!
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:51 PM
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"An alcoholic's/addicts use of porn is a direct result of not getting enough love and affection from their partner." Said NO therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist EVER

Mine blamed me for him choosing to watch porn on the computer, blackout in front of the video porn and leave it playing all night while he slept in front of it all night. And that's ALL MY FAULT! Every time the computer got a virus I could go through his history and trace the virus back to a porn site he visited at drunken 2 and 3 am while the kids and I were asleep because we choose to go to work and school.

He drank because I made him drink. He watched porn because I made him watch porn. He smoked drugs because "it's just a herb, man." QUACK QUACK QUACK.
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Old 12-07-2012, 03:39 AM
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I had high blood pressure with my second pregnancy. boy was that scary! ah was drunk trying to tell me that i needed to eat better and cut my salt. i couldnt tell you how many times i had to tell him noooo my doctor told me i could eat whatever i wanted because it has nothing to do with that. not in my case anyways. point being as long as they are drinking they are no help anyways and when they do try to help their confused drunken minds cant wrap around what you are saying or reality....
Haha i think that a guy will look at porn and thats ok....that doesnt bother me at all but what has bothered me is how much! no one should have stock piles of porn on their computer or phone and then also be a drunk because yes those together make us ill.....it probably wouldnt be so bad if they acted looked normal and were more attentative instead of at the bottle. so i think the bottom lining of that is that they are wrapped up in themselves and their plessures and we are feeling even more pushed away.
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Old 12-07-2012, 03:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Lulu39 View Post
"An alcoholic's/addicts use of porn is a direct result of not getting enough love and affection from their partner." Said NO therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist EVER

Mine blamed me for him choosing to watch porn on the computer, blackout in front of the video porn and leave it playing all night while he slept in front of it all night. And that's ALL MY FAULT! Every time the computer got a virus I could go through his history and trace the virus back to a porn site he visited at drunken 2 and 3 am while the kids and I were asleep because we choose to go to work and school.

He drank because I made him drink. He watched porn because I made him watch porn. He smoked drugs because "it's just a herb, man." QUACK QUACK QUACK.
LOL!!! to the first line! my ah too told me it was because i wasnt more affectionate with him. True story.... I LAUGHED.
And what is up with the 2 or 3 am ...it must be alcoholic porn serfing hours because like yours ...mine too did so at 2-3 am while i plus kids had been asleep.
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Old 12-07-2012, 06:17 AM
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Whether I've wanted to or not...over the years, I have learned quite a bit about addiction. Through books, therapy, etc... and everything I've learned talks about how addictions go hand in hand. Its quite common for addicts to have more than one addiction. My therapist (who specializes in addiction) also said that if they don't work a program well and stick with it, they will typically find another addiction to substitue the alcohol with as they are still seeking that 'high'. Scares me....
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:32 AM
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Just more proof that alcoholics only care about themselves.
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:12 AM
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My XABF used to watch porn as well on my laptop. I became suspicious because when I would go to use it, my history would be completed deleted. Some days it was not and some days it was, meaning he was watching porn on those days. I did speak to him about it and I used to receive explanations about how he only watched it when I was away somewhere for awhile, etc, but obviously that was not true. It amazed me that when we found out he stole money from my parents, he spent the next week not doing anything but sitting at home and during that time, I changed the password on my laptop. I come home to find his ipad on the ground with a dying battery and porn on it. Yes, he got that desperate that he tried to view porn on his tiny ipad. It was pretty disgusting to me that with all that was going on, the money he owed my parents, the truth being uncovered, he still had the nerve to watch porn on top of not doing anything else but lay there and feel sorry for himself. It's the most pathetic thing I have ever seen--a "grown" man feeling sorry for himself that he stole money, laying in bed at 5pm, not having showered or brushed his teeth, and had watched porn. SAD.

Just typing this makes me so angry and yet makes me so glad I got away from that train wreck. And as the previous post indicates, just goes to show how self-centered alcoholics are. Their world goes completely unaffected despite the chaos around them.
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:49 AM
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You stay with him, he is an alcoholic, a cheater and addicted to porn...that is who he is, he is not the person you want him to be, accept it or move on. IMO those are your only two options.
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