thislonelygirl

why do we do it to ourselves????
its ridiiculous the amount of sh** we put ourselves through because of their a****.
Im going to break it down.
i make ah a sandiwich becuse i could tell he was hungry and hadnt drank at all. So to be nice i thought maybe a subway style sandwich would be a good idea.......he looks at it flips out and says its too messy its too big bla bla bla....getting mad at me like i just wounded his spirit then i say sorry i was trying to be nice and he flips out and says "Omg see there you go....i wasnt trying to hurt your feelings AHHH! " and im just sitting there baffled looking like a dumb a** wondering what is he talking about??.....my feelings werent hurt but now they are. thanks a**.
i dont say anything though......i make him a regular plain ole sandwich to shut him up and then walk outside for a smoke not saying a word.
as i am outside i can hear him talking to himself and talking sh** about me. wow....then i hear a bang and a crash....he walked to the bathroom and slammed the bathroom door knocking a picture off the wall. a few minutes later he goes outside looks at me and calmly says " dont go in the bathroom there is glass everywhere and im sorry im just fiending for alcohol" and goes back inside. that should be a problem for anyone. it should be enough for him to be mad at himself for even wanting a drink....i wouldnt want anything that makes me that irritable that my blood pressure rises to just an insaine a** hole.
If my neighbors heard this which im sure theyve heard his drunken stupidity they would seriously eitheer feel bad for me or think im just one pathetic puppy.

Its not like i havent witnessed his raging butt before and each time i am the bigger person to just walk away. what an unhealthy way to be.





ps:he wasnt drinking hasnt for two days

Windancer

It must be extremely hard to deal with that. I put my loved ones through hell when I had acute withdrawal. I was an absolute b*tch. And to be honest I almost couldnt control it. I used to feel really bad about it, but I have forgiven myself now.

Try not to take it personally...though I do know that is very hard! I empathize with you. You sound like a beautiful and patient person. Look after yourself too!!! That is very important. On the bright side, at least he isnt drinking. And at least he admitted/apologized he is grumpy because he is struggling with cravings.

thislonelygirl

Thanks. I am probably one of the most patient people i know even though i want to say something in that moment....i bite my tongue. it wasnt even just that ......he started flipping out about groceries that go bad or dont get used. its frustratttiinnngg...its like teaching a grown baby....if that makes sense. an adult with a pacifier and i have to explain to him that sometimes things die and sometimes things go bad and yes i buy things that dont get used because they dont go bad and they get used later...and yes people run out of groceries or forget stuff...it happens. seriously needed to vent so thanks for the reply

Windancer

I totally understand. I have an interesting point of view I guess....I am a recovering addict, and Ive also assisted/watched loved ones/family members go through it.

I admire your love, patience and understanding you have for your husband . Wise choice to vent on here rather than at him right now I think.

Tuffgirl

Now is the time to grow that very thick skin. You're going to have to let a lot go and not take it personally. And come here to vent instead of bashing him upside the head with a cast iron skillet!

Great job on walking away. Driving away is also good! I used to go to the mall, or a library if I needed quiet, and my Mom always kept a bed made for me there when I needed to be gone for at least 24 hours.

Keep taking care of you,
~T

thislonelygirl

Ugh it never ends...why is it that drinking or not drinking he still gets confussed by conversations? like he is zoned out and then frustrated because he doesnt know what i am saying or thinks i dont know what he is saying. lets just play the quiet game.....i dont feel like talking anymore. lol

LifeRecovery

I am not trying to say that any of this is okay.

I had to learn not to start the downward spiral. I struggle when I did things without being asked and this kind of response not taking it on like it was mine. I could not seem to get out of it once it started....so I had to learn how not to start the chain of events.

I know that is stinky, but it was all that I could figure out for me not to get sucked in.

Rosiepetal

Hi lonelygirl
It is hard for both partners when they're drinking & it is hard when they're not.
The drinking becomes a pattern & you get used to the behaviour but the recovery is unknown so sometimes harder.
My xabf used to say that he got mad at me when he wasn't drinking because he'd tell himself I was the one stopping him drinking but we didn't live together so that helped.
Hang in there.
Big hugs.
:ghug3

ZiggyB

Hi
I do remember rages and irritability... he would get more irritable if he wasn't drinking that day. It is insane and stupid and totally unfair for them to use us like a doormat offloading all these negative feelings onto us. It's good that he isn't drinking but he needs to find another way to cope... blah

hang in there!

WishingWell

Sending a hug, addiction is hard for both partners.

im sorry im just fiending for alcohol I think it's really great though that he almost immediately identified what he was doing, took responsibility for it and then apologized! Those of us without addiction have little idea what that torment is like inside a body craving a substance. What that avoidance is doing to brain chemistry, nerves and the physical body. Many ARE going to go through extreme moods, pain, physical symptoms coming off a chemical - they have to go through that - to get through it. There is no way around it, that's why it's diagnosed medically as an - ADDICTION. The body now thinks it "needs" this to function and is going haywire.

Agree, try not to take it personally because it's NOT!! It's a body chemically addicted trying to balance itself. I know you've read the book "Getting Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening" by Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D. I'm just now re-reading and picking up even more help this time around, your entire experience is almost verbatim in the book. You might find some help there - I think you handled this A+! :-)

Hypatia

Note to self: buy cast iron skillet

I can sympathise. Today is Day 7 of not drinking since my husband's binge relapse after his father's funeral. He is grumpy and irritable and is saying the dumbest things. I'm not ignoring it, but rather acknowledging it in a non-committal way, and just letting it in and through and straight out again. That's why God gave me two ears.

thislonelygirl

Thanks guys.
picked up kfc for dinner as a filling meal would help plus groceries.he ate a large plate and then went to bed (yes its early but i think he needed to get to bed)
It was hard for him to be up and my daughter 2 kept wanting to play with him.
I try to not take it personal after all how can i take something personal that is coming from a mentally/physically ill person but sometimes its a little hard drinking or not...both get at me. i hate seeing what drinking has done to him......the aggitation, the misunderstandings, poor communication and confussion. i want him to get past it and stay sober .....i fear if he doesnt he WILL be completely mental...."Wet brain" that scares me because ive seen a taste of what could happen permanantly

LifeRecovery

I wish that love, compassion and caring were enough to help get us all well. It is so hard watching someone hurt themselves and not even realize (at least on the surface) that they are doing that.

NYCDoglvr

I think the real question is how much abuse you're willing to accept. How much more? What you see is what you get and by staying with you you are giving him tacit approval. It's your call.