Ready but scared as hell....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
boy, he has you boxed in hasn't he.
I understand. I walked around with a lousy fiver in my shoe for awhile as my savings. Then one day he offered to buy me shoes, forgetting my money, I took off my shoes to try on new ones. geez. he laughed at me.
the link here has alot of tips in it.
boy, he has you boxed in hasn't he.
I understand. I walked around with a lousy fiver in my shoe for awhile as my savings. Then one day he offered to buy me shoes, forgetting my money, I took off my shoes to try on new ones. geez. he laughed at me.
the link here has alot of tips in it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
YES! YES! YES! His behaviour is absolutely despicable and unacceptable. There is ASBSOLUTELY no excuse for it. Whatever happens after you take a decision to stop this going on, it can only get better. There might and most likely will be bumps in the road but at least you'll be going in the right direction. what a mean bully. Hugs and keep posting 
What we allow will continue.
What we allow will continue.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by myfreedom 
AH of 11 yrs has been playing mr. innocent the past couple weeks. Didnt matter to me. Knew it was an act and basically I dont care anymore. Saturday night comes home in a rampage. Wakes me up yelling about me being so mean to him for months. Threatens to bash my face in. Goes out and sits on chair. Gets up to take pants off, which he falls in the process, gets upand gets ashtray and starts urinating in it, while it is going all over carpet. Puts ashtray on table and stumbles to kitchen. Sees me standing there and starts again. During which he says he oughta smack me, grab me by hair and drag me to the curb, spitting in my face,etc. My children are upstairs, 7 & 10, plus my daughter has a friend over. My son who is 7 is crying, saying he needs to come down to go to bathroom. AH tells him to shut up, pee in the bed. He lets him come down. He goes back up, still crying, I said to ah to please stop. He says to me, "does it look like I f****** care if he is crying, this is my house". I am just sitting there, afraid to even move. Says he will do what he wants in his house. Finally done, passes out in chair with cigarette hanging out mouth. That was it for me. Today I am filing a pfa to have him removed from house. Wanted to wait till after holidays but cant. He is on 2nd dui, which means court will not let him be with kids without supervision. Fine with me. What is so scary is that house is in his name and he is gonna be made leave. I am also going for support and may even file for divorce. He is going to be furious. I have no where to go right now, not till maybe February. He can come back then. I am just so done with everything, I cant stand to look at him one more day. Am I doing right thing?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Sending you giant hugs! Yes, I agree that it's the right thing based on your posts. Yes, I'm positive it's scary & don't blame you for being afraid. All you can do is cross each bridge as you come to it & have faith that everything will work out. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Sending you happy thoughts.
Any time that you start to waiver in your resolve, think of your kids. It is one of the few things that truly makes me feel as though I am doing the right thing. Everyone can say how awful he is, and how I'm doing the right thing, but I get second guessing myself. All I have to do is think a few horrible moments involving my kids and I know....I did the right thing....and so did you.
Big hugs.
Any time that you start to waiver in your resolve, think of your kids. It is one of the few things that truly makes me feel as though I am doing the right thing. Everyone can say how awful he is, and how I'm doing the right thing, but I get second guessing myself. All I have to do is think a few horrible moments involving my kids and I know....I did the right thing....and so did you.
Big hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
Well there is no turning back now. Judge granted me pfa, eviction and custody. He also said if i drop this he will hold me in contempt of court. Made me think this is really serious. Need to go see someone to represent me and will go for child support and i really think divorce also. Scared for tomorrow when he gets served.
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Good for you MyFreedom! Taking that first step is the scariest I have ever done in my life, so good for you for being brave enough to make your kids your priority.
Thinking of you,
4MyBoys
Thinking of you,
4MyBoys
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Good for you, and good for the judge to make it clear how serious this is.
For me, I left my AH on July 4th because his alcoholism was out of control and he was extremely verbally abusive, and got into porn as well. I knew I needed to go, and drove away in an hour after my credit card fraud unit called because AH had charged what turned out to be $1700 on my card, my credit.
I had been posting here for about 2 weeks before I left. I had gotten scared in early June when AH went by ambulance to the ER with a blood alcohol count of 325, almost in a coma. When he woke up, and he's in his late 60's, it took 8 hospital staff, including the security guards to restrain him and get him in restraints.
I'm telling you this now because, even though I knew I had to go, and I did, and filed divorce within the week, it took me weeks, months really to understand the depth of the abuse I had been living with. People here kept re-framing the issues for me, and pointing out how much was just unbelievably abusive and wrong in his attitude toward me, but it was as if I had been brainwashed. It took me a long time emotionally to really get what people here were saying.
So, you take the actions that you need to, based on your gut that you need to leave, and trust that more than the doubts you have. What you have described is terrible abuse and violent threatening, and the Judge saw that, so believe it.
As for tomorrow, you can take some precautions. For one thing, make a copy of the custody orders and the protection order, and go to your childrens' schools tomorrow and make sure that they know your AH is under no circumstances to see or pick up your children.
Do you have a safe place to go with your kids for a few days until you see how AH responds to the Judge's orders? If not, and even if you do, you might stop by the police station, show them the orders, and make sure they have an alert on your phone numbers if you need to call them.
My adult daughter did that right after I left my AH because he was writing her e-mails blaming her. The police couldn't do anything specific, but they did say they would patrol her street more often than usual. It turned out that my AH never got physically violent, but it was good to know.
Is there a domestic violence agency in your area? They can help.
You can do stuff like have bags packed for you and your kids, the pets, medicine, stuff you'd need if you have to leave quickly, and change your locks. Along those lines is going to the bank and getting as much cash as you can, or transferring money into an account solely in your name. Keep your cell phone with you and charged. Stick the charger in your purse, along with the house and car keys.
I'm not suggesting that you be scared; I'm suggesting that you be prepared. So much the better if you never need your preparations, but if you do, you'll be glad you've walked through your exit scenario before hand.
We're all here for you!
ShootingStar1
For me, I left my AH on July 4th because his alcoholism was out of control and he was extremely verbally abusive, and got into porn as well. I knew I needed to go, and drove away in an hour after my credit card fraud unit called because AH had charged what turned out to be $1700 on my card, my credit.
I had been posting here for about 2 weeks before I left. I had gotten scared in early June when AH went by ambulance to the ER with a blood alcohol count of 325, almost in a coma. When he woke up, and he's in his late 60's, it took 8 hospital staff, including the security guards to restrain him and get him in restraints.
I'm telling you this now because, even though I knew I had to go, and I did, and filed divorce within the week, it took me weeks, months really to understand the depth of the abuse I had been living with. People here kept re-framing the issues for me, and pointing out how much was just unbelievably abusive and wrong in his attitude toward me, but it was as if I had been brainwashed. It took me a long time emotionally to really get what people here were saying.
So, you take the actions that you need to, based on your gut that you need to leave, and trust that more than the doubts you have. What you have described is terrible abuse and violent threatening, and the Judge saw that, so believe it.
As for tomorrow, you can take some precautions. For one thing, make a copy of the custody orders and the protection order, and go to your childrens' schools tomorrow and make sure that they know your AH is under no circumstances to see or pick up your children.
Do you have a safe place to go with your kids for a few days until you see how AH responds to the Judge's orders? If not, and even if you do, you might stop by the police station, show them the orders, and make sure they have an alert on your phone numbers if you need to call them.
My adult daughter did that right after I left my AH because he was writing her e-mails blaming her. The police couldn't do anything specific, but they did say they would patrol her street more often than usual. It turned out that my AH never got physically violent, but it was good to know.
Is there a domestic violence agency in your area? They can help.
You can do stuff like have bags packed for you and your kids, the pets, medicine, stuff you'd need if you have to leave quickly, and change your locks. Along those lines is going to the bank and getting as much cash as you can, or transferring money into an account solely in your name. Keep your cell phone with you and charged. Stick the charger in your purse, along with the house and car keys.
I'm not suggesting that you be scared; I'm suggesting that you be prepared. So much the better if you never need your preparations, but if you do, you'll be glad you've walked through your exit scenario before hand.
We're all here for you!
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I can only second what someone else already mentioned... Is there anywhere you and your kids could go stay for a few days? Away from the marital home? Better to be safe than sorry, this guy is sounds like a ticking time bomb. Please keep you and your precious kids out of harms way.
Sending you strength and support.
Sending you strength and support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 12
You are doing the right thing. You have to protect yourself and the children. There are many resources available to help you and your children establish a safe place to live. Please, please stay strong and get out before it's too late.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
You're are a brave and strong lady! You did what you needed to do & glad to hear it sounds like you got a good judge. That contempt of court thing may prove to be one of your best friends, protecting you from yourself if you are ever tempted to back down.
I went back to find your prior threads and saw that he has been physically abusive in the past.
Can you and the kids just be somewhere else tomorrow?
I went back to find your prior threads and saw that he has been physically abusive in the past.
Can you and the kids just be somewhere else tomorrow?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
I am actually planning on not being here much during the day. Thinking about staying at neighbors overnight, then i can see if he shows up. We have a couple dogs, so its kinda hard to stay away too long. I will keep posting. I have decided teo go to bank and cash a check. I will need gas and some on hand in case. If he gets mad at that, oh well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
hi there ..glad you found the courage to stand up to that brute with the power of the courts behind you. Your children will grow up knowing by your example what NOT to allow in their homes and they will always remember the strength of their mother. I went through much of what you have and alot more..but then I was a slow learner in that mine left us for his addictions..which for us was a blessing. But mine urinated all over our home too and made awful threats to me in front of the kids who were young adults by the time the death of my marriage took place. Of course our sons wanted to challenge him but of course I could not allow that - I simply would not allow my AH to back home when he left on one of his 3-5 days benders...and like the others have stated to you it will get worse before you have the peace you seek - you just have to stay strong sweetie....I had a saying back in those days and you know what it was??
I used to say to myself that all I had to be was smarter than a can of beer and I would have him beat.....and guess what? I was right. Always have an extra set of clothing and cash stashed in a safe place away from the home perhaps at a family members home so you have what you need if you need to grab the kids and go...also keep an extra car key magnatized under the back of the car because mine would always try to get my keys so I couldn't leave...the look on his face when he saw me drive away and him holding what he thought was my only set of keys still makes me feel warm all over..
YOU can do this girl - we know you can...and we are here for you to give you all sorts of great ideas....just be ever watchful of your surroundings until its all over. How do you feel about big dogs?? Preferrably one that doesn't know him?
Janitw
I used to say to myself that all I had to be was smarter than a can of beer and I would have him beat.....and guess what? I was right. Always have an extra set of clothing and cash stashed in a safe place away from the home perhaps at a family members home so you have what you need if you need to grab the kids and go...also keep an extra car key magnatized under the back of the car because mine would always try to get my keys so I couldn't leave...the look on his face when he saw me drive away and him holding what he thought was my only set of keys still makes me feel warm all over..
YOU can do this girl - we know you can...and we are here for you to give you all sorts of great ideas....just be ever watchful of your surroundings until its all over. How do you feel about big dogs?? Preferrably one that doesn't know him?
Janitw
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
I have a german shepherd who is my baby, but sadly he is extremly frightened of ah. We have five total. So they are my alarm if anyone is here. He has left for work and took his motorcycle. I packed a bag with clothes and things, put them in his truck and have been baracading the house. Locked garage, windows,etc. Going to leave for awhile after kids get on bus. Going to bank to get cash, the school and state police. Check back in later
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Good Luck Honey! I am praying for you today and in the next coming days!
I want you to know that he is also going to try and contact you. If he does, Call the police! He's going to try and con you into this being a HORRIBLE mistake and let me please come back home and we can work this out!
It's a smoke screen! Don't fall for it! He has already been ORDERED OUT with the PFA! If he steps one foot on that property, you dial 911!
Stay calm, cool and collected as much as you can because you are useless to yourself if in a panic mode. I've seen it many times before in many situations. I usually panic after all is said and done in any situation that needs my complete and undivided attention. AND believe me, I have been in a few hair raising situations that would make any person freeze in fear. (not abusive but dangerous)
I want you to know that he is also going to try and contact you. If he does, Call the police! He's going to try and con you into this being a HORRIBLE mistake and let me please come back home and we can work this out!
It's a smoke screen! Don't fall for it! He has already been ORDERED OUT with the PFA! If he steps one foot on that property, you dial 911!
Stay calm, cool and collected as much as you can because you are useless to yourself if in a panic mode. I've seen it many times before in many situations. I usually panic after all is said and done in any situation that needs my complete and undivided attention. AND believe me, I have been in a few hair raising situations that would make any person freeze in fear. (not abusive but dangerous)
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