Redheadsusie

I came home yesterday after going into town and my Crepe Myrtle was cut down.....cut down. I love that tree - Honest to God he cut it down so he could use the wood in his fire pit which is where he sits to drink all winter when he can not sit on the boat. I brought it up - the tree was gone and of course he went off. I just walked away - I went to a 30 year high school reunion an hour away last night after shopping and eating with my son - had a ball doing both. Came in around 1:30 which I never do and he was in bed -today he said "what kind of wife goes out till 1:30 (which is hysterical because I never never go out - and I don't drink) I told him where I was and it was really nice seeing old girlfriends and he said - well maybe you can rekindle an old romance? Not necessary. SO today I went with a neighbor to our Grand Illumination and had a wonderful time and then a pizza place had a fund raiser for a friend with Cancer - so happy to be staying busy and doing my part to help others........... He of course sat by the fire both nights and drank alone... it is his choice to not live life ...I choose to be happy as I a blessed with so much ................just need to find the strength to rid myself of this fungus called Ah. I owe it to myself and I don't want my kids to lose respect for me....he is not their Dad but they think I am so strong and brag about how I was and am the best Mom and how much they love me. I don't blame them for just getting sick of my **** - I am sick of it myself but had a great weekend doing fun stuff!

EnglishGarden

What you are doing is exactly what addiction specialists advise. Let the alcoholic drink. Go live life.

I'm glad you had such a nice weekend!

laurie6781

You will move forward, when ............................. coming home from a nice outing to a house that smells of alcohol and a drunk that is either passed out and snoring or drunk as can be and just 'itching for a fight, is just 'ENOUGH', and only then will you take the next step, talk to an attorney and find out your legal rights to either get him removed from the home, or for you to remove yourself.

Until then, you will continue to find and do great 'outings' with your friends, and that is just fine. You are leaving the drunk to drink and doing what you want to do for YOU. The day will come though when you are ready to turn your own home into YOUR peaceful and serene place of sanctuary.

Love and hugs,

WishingWell

Laurie, I agree with you. But . . .

My question is - why not do it now with him there? What happened to boundaries? The first boundary I had with my husband 7 years ago, was for me to stay - A. you're an alcoholic, you need treatment. B. no drinking. And especially not in our home.

I find this confusing. When I saw addiction, we both knew it and talked about it. Boundaries were set, and those boundaries have remained. He's had a relapse but our home remains calm and peaceful.

Rosiepetal

Good for you for detaching & enjoying yourself.

BoxinRotz

Oh My God! You bring back memories of my AH weilding a weedwacker and zoning out as he put it! I can't tell you how many trees and plants he has whapped down in his drunken stupor and it infuriates me to no end! I do believe I yelled at him last summer that I was taking his debit card and going to the store to buy artificial flowers and sticking them all throughout the yard because he won't let a real plant grow! My yard should be established after 3 years of living there and I don't have a effing thing growing in it because of his BS!

I have also gotten the, WTH were you all night when I returned home at 7am to a house that smells of booze and a drunk AH itching for a fight. I have usually snapped back at him in frustration, It's called work ya a$$! You think I want to be out all night for no reason?!

Your tree though would send me through the roof no doubt! I'm almost seeing red right now for you! What a selfish a$$ to do such a thing!

redatlanta

WW - I think because every circumstance is different - your AH was at least cooperative and I believe you said he moved into the guest home on your property and your boundaries were decided upon when he was sober correct? This is a relapse for him?

It sounds like Redheadsusie's AH is beyond talking to. I doubt a boundary would be responded to with little more than "make me".

Glad you are living your life Redheadsusie congrats!

JenT1968

WW - I can understand why you are confused, but boundaries are not magic spells that compel others to act in a certain way. I sat down and talked to my (now ex) AH ad nauseum, he would agree he had a problem, we would agree action plans, I had boundaries and he stomped over every one, I went to Al-anon, I went to counselling, we had Marriage guidance, his family referred him for addiction counselling and still he drank (in secret, then in the open), we separated and still he drank. Nothing I did or said or did not do or say made any difference and I tried everything more than once.

the only thing that made our home peaceful was having one which he wasn't in.