Kimmieh

I only ever discuss my ABF here, but my BIL is also an alcoholic and my mother told me today that he is not doing well at all, which came as a total shock.

He started to drink heavily shortly after he lost his job after 30 years with the same company (no fault of his - downsizing). He went to rehab, psychiatric hospitals, in-patient, out-patient etc. and nothing helped. He never resisted going to treatment, but it never really helped. He is in the most severe depression I have ever seen. When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer (on top of it all), he pulled himself together and was supportive, but fell apart shortly after and went back into treatment. Long story short, my sister (healthy again after cancer treatment) asked for a separation and he moved out. My mother has been saying for a while that he looks terrible, but whenever she asked, he said he was fine (I have not seen him in over a year because they live in Europe and I haven't been home in a while).

He is currently staying with his parents 600 miles from home and my mom told me that he has fluid retention (which has lead to pressure on the lungs) and his liver is in bad shape. He refuses to go to the hospital.

It's so terribly sad. He is a wonderful person and they were happy until it all fell apart when he lost his job. Even as an alcoholic he was never mean or abusive, just horribly depressed. When my sister took the kids to visit a friend, he didn't leave the bed for days. He never fought her over treatment and moving out. He wanted them to work again and tried his best, but just couldn't get out of this hole.

He probably won't be able to spend Christmas with my parents, my sister, and the kids (which he always did even after the separation) because he can't travel and this will be so hard on my niece, especially since I won't be there either (about which she was very disappointed). My nephew is 14 and a bit detached (he is in therapy, so is my niece), but it's rough on him, too. I don't know how much he know about his dad's state (my niece is 9 and doesn't know, I am sure).

I also know that I won't go through this with my ABF. If he wants to continue to drink, we are done. I won't watch him deteriorate like that. This worry and sadness is just too much. You can read about it, but when it's a loved one, it's a different story.

I am so sad about this. It's liver failure and he refuses to go to the hospital! I never thought it's this bad. I pray that he will go to the hospital and get better. Most of all, I worry about my niece and nephew.

Zube

Many Prayers, Kimmieh.

I lost my brother-in-law 2 years ago to liver failure. It's an extremely slow and miserable way to die. Please comfort him as best as you can.

Blessings,
Zube

WishingWell

This is so heartbreaking - I hate this damn disease.

Seren

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law, Kimmieh. He will be in my prayers along with you and your whole family.

Tuffgirl

My prayers to you today, Kimmieh. I lost my best friend in October to liver failure. I miss her everyday.
~T

Kimmieh

Thank you all! I am hoping for the best. It's comforting to know that he is at his parents' house and not alone in his apartment, so someone is always there to get medical help if needed. I wish he could find a way to combat this depression. It's really at the root of it all.

It's also good to know that my sister will take the kids to visit him and his parents for New Year's, so the kids will get to see him even if he can't make it for Christmas.

I hope 2013 will bring new hope and healing for him.

sugarbear1

my uncle died of liver cancer.
I know it was from his drinking.

So sorry to hear of this, much love and prayers sent to you and your entire family.

redatlanta

So sorry to hear this Kimmieh my thoughts are with you.

TakingCharge999

((((((Hugs)))))))

sherby

I'm so sorry hun that your dealing with this, it's so sad what addictions do to people and the nasty effects it has on their loved ones. Know that I'm praying for you and your family.

dragon12

I used to work in a liver transplant unit in a hospital and have seen the end results of the disease - it is truly a horrible disease and I wish your BIL all the best. A reminder that alcoholism is such an insidious disease that even when we are sick or surrounded by sick people it is still so hard to quit for many.

Janitw

(((((((((((Kimmieh))))))))))))) My thoughts are with you...I hope he pulls through...

kptsj

In the movies they make drinking yourself to death look so quick and painless. Hahahahah. In the movies the person may get get sick and just goes to sleep and doesn't wake up. Don't talk about loss of bowel control, rages, starving for days at a time because "I just can't eat". Husband has been a functioning alcoholic for years. Now, he is a non functioning one. Hurt his back in march and has done nothing beside lay in bed and drink since then. He does get up and see his lovely friends some and they buy alcohol for him. Grrrr. Keeps saying he will go to the doctor tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.
Sending my best wishes to you. Take care of yourself.

Titanic

All the best to him, your sis & you.

Kimmieh

He had his ups and downs since I posted this in 2012, but now he has taken a bad turn. He is in the hospital with cirrhosis of the liver, extremely weak, and extremely jaundiced (my mom was in total shock when she went to see him how anyone could look so so so sick). My mom had not talked to my sister about the details, but apparently there was suspicion of liver cancer. The IV fluids helped a bit and he regained some strength.

I feel especially bad for his kids (16 and 10). My sister had to take my nephew (the 16-year-old) to the hospital with abdominal pain, which turned out to be *nothing* (psychological I am sure). My niece has been very stressed with this entire situation for a while. I am so happy she has her dog...a great comfort. They are much too young to lose their father to bloody alcohol...I guess you really don't know just how tragic and senseless it really is when it happens close to home.

Please send thoughts and prayers his way. He did bounce back the last time I posted, so I am hoping even if my mother said he he a lot sicker this way around...

unsureoffuture

I feel like you could be describing the story of my STBXAH and our life. We are in the middle of this same scenario. He is the same type of alcoholic, not mean just horribly depressed and unable to pull himself out of the "hole" you describe so well. He tries but is unable to remain sober. He lost his job too to corporate downsizing after 20 years. Although he is not in liver failure YET, I forsee that happening in the future. We have kids too and I predict their reaction will be the same.

I appreciate you sharing. It makes me feel less alone in this. I pray for your family. It is so horrible how this disease effects not only the person drinking but all those around him who love him.

Kimmieh

Thank you, unsure! I cannot imagine how hard it must be if you are actually there to witness it...My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, too. I will update...