It's been a very long time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
It's been a very long time.
But here are some of the things I remember from my soulmate being a hardcore alcoholic:
I never met a holiday that wasn't ruined by him.
He DID celebrate Christmas..by buying gifts for himself, I bought his kids gifts and then was not even present to give them to them personally or see them open them.
Because I could count on him to ruin every holiday.
No exceptions.
I could not count on him in time of important events, the birth of my first grandchild, the death of my son.
Nope, he would start a fight.
I couldn't buy tickets to the Nutcracker 2 wks in advance or anything else planned that far ahead.
Get real with myself, could not make plans for the next day.
Snap, get more real, could not make plans for an hour ahead and really be sure,.... in reality they could blow up in 10 seconds or less.
Now about a decade later, is he any better? nope.
Despite heart disease and bladder cancer has he quit drinking, nope.
Could I have survived another 10 years of him. nope.
Life on the other side with a good mate, do I have any of those worries.
nope.
Peace and goodwill are priceless....the everyday kind.
I never met a holiday that wasn't ruined by him.
He DID celebrate Christmas..by buying gifts for himself, I bought his kids gifts and then was not even present to give them to them personally or see them open them.
Because I could count on him to ruin every holiday.
No exceptions.
I could not count on him in time of important events, the birth of my first grandchild, the death of my son.
Nope, he would start a fight.
I couldn't buy tickets to the Nutcracker 2 wks in advance or anything else planned that far ahead.
Get real with myself, could not make plans for the next day.
Snap, get more real, could not make plans for an hour ahead and really be sure,.... in reality they could blow up in 10 seconds or less.
Now about a decade later, is he any better? nope.
Despite heart disease and bladder cancer has he quit drinking, nope.
Could I have survived another 10 years of him. nope.
Life on the other side with a good mate, do I have any of those worries.
nope.
Peace and goodwill are priceless....the everyday kind.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 145
Hi Live,
Thank you for your post. I'm still fresh from leaving my XABF - 6 weeks, but your post really inspired me to write down the then vs. now perspective. Lately, especially with the holidays, I feel myself getting sentimental and missing him, but this post has reminded me and writing it down is really going to help. Thank you for your post.
Other than one birthday I shared with him, the next two were abominable. He didn't buy me a single thing because he didn't have money, not even a card, but he had money to buy cigarettes.
For important events, even his own niece's baptism, I drove to his apt and woke him up after he didn't pick up any phone calls for hours.
Most things that I planned in advance were always ruined because something came up--he got drunk, he was too depressed, he didn't wake up on time, etc. so I stopped planning things in advance then he got mad at me for not trusting him or having faith in him.
Whenever he lied, broke a promise, etc, I found myself apologizing to him for not being patient, encouraging, or supportive enough because I let him guilt me into 'I only did those things because of xyz'. It was never his fault.
Six weeks after telling him to pack his things and leave:
His mail is STILL coming here after notifying his family he needed to change his address, all of which is bank mail, probation letters, etc.
Heard he was still drinking and driving
BUT
I have more money to buy things for myself, rather than pay off his debt
I was able to do martial arts, something I have been putting off because it's expensive and I wanted to be supportive and there for him i.e. go to AA with him often
I am getting in great shape and not feeling guilty for not being home to cook and clean after him
I am not obsessing over not receiving a call or text
I am not being ignored in my own home and having him not contribute a single penny or helping hand to anything
Thank you! I really needed to do that!
Thank you for your post. I'm still fresh from leaving my XABF - 6 weeks, but your post really inspired me to write down the then vs. now perspective. Lately, especially with the holidays, I feel myself getting sentimental and missing him, but this post has reminded me and writing it down is really going to help. Thank you for your post.
Other than one birthday I shared with him, the next two were abominable. He didn't buy me a single thing because he didn't have money, not even a card, but he had money to buy cigarettes.
For important events, even his own niece's baptism, I drove to his apt and woke him up after he didn't pick up any phone calls for hours.
Most things that I planned in advance were always ruined because something came up--he got drunk, he was too depressed, he didn't wake up on time, etc. so I stopped planning things in advance then he got mad at me for not trusting him or having faith in him.
Whenever he lied, broke a promise, etc, I found myself apologizing to him for not being patient, encouraging, or supportive enough because I let him guilt me into 'I only did those things because of xyz'. It was never his fault.
Six weeks after telling him to pack his things and leave:
His mail is STILL coming here after notifying his family he needed to change his address, all of which is bank mail, probation letters, etc.
Heard he was still drinking and driving
BUT
I have more money to buy things for myself, rather than pay off his debt
I was able to do martial arts, something I have been putting off because it's expensive and I wanted to be supportive and there for him i.e. go to AA with him often
I am getting in great shape and not feeling guilty for not being home to cook and clean after him
I am not obsessing over not receiving a call or text
I am not being ignored in my own home and having him not contribute a single penny or helping hand to anything
Thank you! I really needed to do that!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Nice to hear from you Live! Thanks for sharing. I can relate to much of what you said. Nice reminder for all of us whether we are going through this now or have gone through it in the past of the contrast between living with an active A and living without one.
Yeah you!
Yeah you!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
oh my sweet friend I have missed you dearly
(((Live)))
I pray all is well with you & yours and your health is doing great ~
thank you so much for sharing your story with us ~ I remember when you decided enough was enough ~
I know it wasn't easy, but you truly deserved so much more ~
I pray that you have all of that & more today!
PINK HUGS!!
(((Live)))
I pray all is well with you & yours and your health is doing great ~
thank you so much for sharing your story with us ~ I remember when you decided enough was enough ~
I know it wasn't easy, but you truly deserved so much more ~
I pray that you have all of that & more today!
PINK HUGS!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Ahhh Live - you always did have a way with words....to kewl girl...
In reading your post you are so right - I had all but forgotten all the planning
that couldn't be planned or all the functions that I just wouldn't attend with him
because I just knew it would be a disaster if we went...man what a shame that was...
In reading your post you are so right - I had all but forgotten all the planning
that couldn't be planned or all the functions that I just wouldn't attend with him
because I just knew it would be a disaster if we went...man what a shame that was...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
