Not surprised, but still.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
Not surprised, but still.
So, my AH whom I separated from in June asked that we "get together for a half an hour or so to formally wrap up our relationship and decide what to do about the condo" (We own the condo together.)
I said sure, and to get things started I sent him how I thought we could mediate the settlement (50/50, our state is equitable distribution) even with visitation rights so he can spend time with our dog.
He has said in the past how he hoped I would "be reasonable" because he paid more of the down payment of the condo, and makes more money that I do, obviously he should get more. First thing after sending the proposal, I get an email of how "shocked" he was about this, then an email from his friends how they "are concerned for his well-being" if I "insist on this 50/50 settlement" but if I "give up a little of what [I] think I deserve legally" it would help him.
He stopped by last night so that he could "understand some things," meaning, he asked me, tearfully, "Do you know what it's like to be deserted by the most important person in the world to you, and then have that person try to benefit from it?" So I said, duh, "YES! I know exactly how that feels, actually."
SO, I don't know what I was expecting, and I'm not surprised at these shenanigans, but, jeez-o. It still stinks to have him completely deny (or not even recognize) that the enormous amount of emotional work it took on my part, as well as 100% of the household cooking, cleaning, administration, for 9 years, is worth anything at all. And to have him have his friends try to manipulate me like that. So what, it's just my bad luck that I spent 1/2 my adult life with someone who thinks I'm worthless?
RRRRRRR!!!!!! I know everything will work out if I hold my ground. But still. Jeez!
I have just been reading a book where a spaceship gives itself this name:
Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath
So, something like that.
Thanks for listening. You guys are a comfort!
I said sure, and to get things started I sent him how I thought we could mediate the settlement (50/50, our state is equitable distribution) even with visitation rights so he can spend time with our dog.
He has said in the past how he hoped I would "be reasonable" because he paid more of the down payment of the condo, and makes more money that I do, obviously he should get more. First thing after sending the proposal, I get an email of how "shocked" he was about this, then an email from his friends how they "are concerned for his well-being" if I "insist on this 50/50 settlement" but if I "give up a little of what [I] think I deserve legally" it would help him.
He stopped by last night so that he could "understand some things," meaning, he asked me, tearfully, "Do you know what it's like to be deserted by the most important person in the world to you, and then have that person try to benefit from it?" So I said, duh, "YES! I know exactly how that feels, actually."
SO, I don't know what I was expecting, and I'm not surprised at these shenanigans, but, jeez-o. It still stinks to have him completely deny (or not even recognize) that the enormous amount of emotional work it took on my part, as well as 100% of the household cooking, cleaning, administration, for 9 years, is worth anything at all. And to have him have his friends try to manipulate me like that. So what, it's just my bad luck that I spent 1/2 my adult life with someone who thinks I'm worthless?
RRRRRRR!!!!!! I know everything will work out if I hold my ground. But still. Jeez!
I have just been reading a book where a spaceship gives itself this name:
Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath
So, something like that.
Thanks for listening. You guys are a comfort!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
"I get an email of how "shocked" he was about this, then an email from his friends how they "are concerned for his well-being" if I "insist on this 50/50 settlement" but if I "give up a little of what [I] think I deserve legally" it would help him."
^^^^ this is your perfect opportunity to end communication with those who simply are not minding their own business. If they are so concerned about him, they can tend to him. You are divorcing him, you get to be DONE.
Allow an attorney to handle this, spend the money, your sanity is worth it!
^^^^ this is your perfect opportunity to end communication with those who simply are not minding their own business. If they are so concerned about him, they can tend to him. You are divorcing him, you get to be DONE.
Allow an attorney to handle this, spend the money, your sanity is worth it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Quack
Quack quack quack
So sorry about this, so sorry it is so familiar. I tried to work it out the divorce settlement with my AH, but all he did was require that I put all of MY share of the money into a Trust that HE would manage for ME....
Quack.
Get a good lawyer.
ShootingStar1
Quack quack quack
So sorry about this, so sorry it is so familiar. I tried to work it out the divorce settlement with my AH, but all he did was require that I put all of MY share of the money into a Trust that HE would manage for ME....
Quack.
Get a good lawyer.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
Every time I expect to have a semi-normal, coherent, rational conversation with my AXF, I get b!#ch slapped back to reality. It really stinks to have to learn and re-learn this lesson.
Good luck with the whole mess.
PS-loved the spaceship name!!! Makes about as much sense as attempting communication with an alcoholic. LOL!
Good luck with the whole mess.
PS-loved the spaceship name!!! Makes about as much sense as attempting communication with an alcoholic. LOL!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
I agree with celticgenes....
Every time that I make an attempt to have a mature rational conversation, my hopes are shattered within minutes. NC is really about the best plan of action as far as I am concerned.
I especially love how is friends are "concerned about his well being" if you split it 50/50.... That's almost laughable. So, somehow him getting more than half will put him in a better place. ??? Yeah, right. Ugh.
Sending you positive thoughts
Every time that I make an attempt to have a mature rational conversation, my hopes are shattered within minutes. NC is really about the best plan of action as far as I am concerned.
I especially love how is friends are "concerned about his well being" if you split it 50/50.... That's almost laughable. So, somehow him getting more than half will put him in a better place. ??? Yeah, right. Ugh.
Sending you positive thoughts
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
I can have a more meaningful discussion with my two college aged sons and my Greyhound than AH. AH has pulled the 50/50 crap on me too and his family also thinks I need to just give him the house - its the right thing to do.......................wth is wrong with these people - Oh and we have something in common - I was told I was worthless this week too. Oh the joy of an AH!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I want to commend you for realizing there is something that stinks with what he is throwing at you.
I did not and struggled that I was a bad person for not giving back all that he thought he deserved.
It is only now (two years later) that I am realizing I gave enough and that was more than fair.
I did not and struggled that I was a bad person for not giving back all that he thought he deserved.
It is only now (two years later) that I am realizing I gave enough and that was more than fair.
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