Held my ground - Thank you SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Held my ground - Thank you SR
Hello all you wonderful people on SR,
I've been feeling out of touch lately and have only been able to check into the forum infrequently. Though you have been very much on my mind.
I must express my gratitude for I know that the very difficult past few weeks would have turned out differently had I not spent so much time here in the past months and received such great support and advice.
Long story short, my STBXAH and I are going through a protection order process and a divorce simultaneously. There is overlap in the two cases that complicates things. He has an attorney in the PFA and is pro se in divorce. Anyway, he was pushing for shared parental rights in the PFA on going. Right now I have sole custody until things get a more permanent disposition in the divorce. For days and days he would not budge on wanting shared and was willing to force a trial on the protection order. I was very likely to prevail on that - and he would have received a "finding of abuse" which would have hurt him A LOT in the divorce re: custody. (His thought that was he would win - narcissism rearing it's head). But I was very concerned that a trial was going to take things to a very nasty place and was very afraid of the whole confrontational process (a fact I know he was aware of). BUT!!!! I did not give into that fear. I held my ground and would not concede to shared rights. He held up the pressure through his lawyer and more shady tactics - like sending messages to me through our boys that he will be home on the 7th (trial date) and will see them for as long as he wants to. Well, it looks like I won this game of chicken and an agreement on the PFA is likely to be signed by the end of today - trial avoided.
Granted, I would have had an advantage in the long run if there had been a finding of abuse at the PFA trial. But I am not trying to "stick it to him" - I'm trying to keep my motivations and intentions in the right place. Protecting me and my kids.
So many of you have given me such great advice that I called upon over and over in my head these past weeks. I am so grateful!
HUGS,
MamaKit
I've been feeling out of touch lately and have only been able to check into the forum infrequently. Though you have been very much on my mind.
I must express my gratitude for I know that the very difficult past few weeks would have turned out differently had I not spent so much time here in the past months and received such great support and advice.
Long story short, my STBXAH and I are going through a protection order process and a divorce simultaneously. There is overlap in the two cases that complicates things. He has an attorney in the PFA and is pro se in divorce. Anyway, he was pushing for shared parental rights in the PFA on going. Right now I have sole custody until things get a more permanent disposition in the divorce. For days and days he would not budge on wanting shared and was willing to force a trial on the protection order. I was very likely to prevail on that - and he would have received a "finding of abuse" which would have hurt him A LOT in the divorce re: custody. (His thought that was he would win - narcissism rearing it's head). But I was very concerned that a trial was going to take things to a very nasty place and was very afraid of the whole confrontational process (a fact I know he was aware of). BUT!!!! I did not give into that fear. I held my ground and would not concede to shared rights. He held up the pressure through his lawyer and more shady tactics - like sending messages to me through our boys that he will be home on the 7th (trial date) and will see them for as long as he wants to. Well, it looks like I won this game of chicken and an agreement on the PFA is likely to be signed by the end of today - trial avoided.
Granted, I would have had an advantage in the long run if there had been a finding of abuse at the PFA trial. But I am not trying to "stick it to him" - I'm trying to keep my motivations and intentions in the right place. Protecting me and my kids.
So many of you have given me such great advice that I called upon over and over in my head these past weeks. I am so grateful!
HUGS,
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
Well done! My AH keeps telling me he is going to "get the kids" (his word choice) in the divorce. I know enough to chalk it up to narcissism, and my attorney has told me it won't happen, but I can't help but be a little nervous about it until the divorce goes through. It is very reassuring to hear your success story. Thank you!
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