I wish it was different
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
I wish it was different
Sometimes I feel like I am suffocating and then I realize it is because I am not breathing. Fear. I have gotten better and usually pass for a somewhat normal person...
My daughter called me a couple of months ago and asked if she could come home for a few days. I insulted her by asking what was going on and what was her plan. If she needed someplace to stay for a few days before she could get into rehab or a ride to rehab, etc. I would be able to help but an addict without a plan is a living nightmare to people who love them. I won't even try. Anyway, she hung up and lost contact for about eight weeks.
She called me yesterday with a really sad story, I mean really sad. I am not being sarcastic. However, I am realistic enough to realize that the consequences of drug abuse are really sad and I wouldn't want it to be any other way. Her pain is the only key to her understanding that addiction sucks and life is better without drugs. Maybe, one day....
Anyway, she and I have lost contact again because I have no numbers to reach her and she hasn't called me. I left a message on the number she called me from but I don't even know if she knows that person or just borrowed the phone. Who would have thought it when she was that precious baby or that sweet growing girl. She's not a baby or a girl anymore though. She is a 24 year old adult who has made some really bad decisions...
Thankfully there is a Higher Power who I believe with all my heart is in control of her life and mine. And that is why I am sane today and hopefully tomorrow and the next day. Thanks again for listening...PresentTense
My daughter called me a couple of months ago and asked if she could come home for a few days. I insulted her by asking what was going on and what was her plan. If she needed someplace to stay for a few days before she could get into rehab or a ride to rehab, etc. I would be able to help but an addict without a plan is a living nightmare to people who love them. I won't even try. Anyway, she hung up and lost contact for about eight weeks.
She called me yesterday with a really sad story, I mean really sad. I am not being sarcastic. However, I am realistic enough to realize that the consequences of drug abuse are really sad and I wouldn't want it to be any other way. Her pain is the only key to her understanding that addiction sucks and life is better without drugs. Maybe, one day....
Anyway, she and I have lost contact again because I have no numbers to reach her and she hasn't called me. I left a message on the number she called me from but I don't even know if she knows that person or just borrowed the phone. Who would have thought it when she was that precious baby or that sweet growing girl. She's not a baby or a girl anymore though. She is a 24 year old adult who has made some really bad decisions...
Thankfully there is a Higher Power who I believe with all my heart is in control of her life and mine. And that is why I am sane today and hopefully tomorrow and the next day. Thanks again for listening...PresentTense
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
you are one strong mother and i hope i never have to deal with the pain you have going through. believe it or not i think your daughter (even though i doubt at the moment she would agree) is one lucky girl to have such a strong mother who doesnt enable her. hats of to you!
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
its difficult to love someone who is an addict and to just want to knock them in the head with sense and even more difficult when the addict is your child. yes she is an adult but she will always be your child . I feel for you. I have a daughter and a son and They are my world and i only wish the best for them in their lives as they get older and to make good choices atleast not make choices that they cant undue. to live happy fullfilling lives. My wish to you is that one day your daughter calls you NOT with a sob story NOT asking you for money or a place to stay but to tell you that she is clean happy and wanting to be with you JUST YOU and not her addiction or because of her addiction. You will always be her mother but now you are being her STRONG mother by working YOUR program and helping you to help her. i wish you the best
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((PresentTense))
Oh Sweetie - let me send you the Biggest PINK HUG ever thru this site - These are the most difficult times ~ PLEASE PLEASE take good care of you - It was told to me when our loved ones are at their worst, we need to be at our best.
And let me share my story, my beautiful intelligent well-spoken mother of 2, 27 yr old daughter called me ~ said that she was living on the streets ~ had no where for her & her baby to go, blah, blah, blah - same ole story begging to come live with me & my now exah ~
This is the daughter who had already been thru 2 out patient rehabs, 1 inpatient, been to jail once, numerous DUI's had been fixed, blah, blah, blah,
I told her "Ash, I love you so much, but I can't rob you of the self-respect and dignity of finding your own way. So I have to say no."
I knew that my then ah (her dad) had relapsed & she was NEVER going to get sober in our home - they would use together - she had ZERO chances of finding sobriety in our home.
I spent the next 3 days basically weeping as I worked thru the steps with my sponsor over the grief - but I knew I had given her the opportunity where at my home she would have none.
I would love to tell you that she got sober right away - but she didn't - it got much worse.
more rehabs, more jail time and another child were added to her story.
But I can tell you that today - 6 yrs later - she is sober. I recently told my story at a State Convention - just before I gave my talk she handed me her 6 month chip & said, I remember when you told me no I couldn't stay with you. She said "you wanted to give me the dignity to find my own way, you gave me respect when I didn't respect myself, I will never forget that."
I can't guarantee you that your daughter's story will turn out the same or that my daughter will stay sober - she has relapsed many many times - but I can tell that she heard my actions, she felt my respect and she knew she was loved even in the depths of the disease.
Ok - sorry for going on so long - but I felt as a Mom - you really needed to hear this story
Please seek your HP's guidance as to what is the best & healthiest path for YOU!
PINK HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Oh Sweetie - let me send you the Biggest PINK HUG ever thru this site - These are the most difficult times ~ PLEASE PLEASE take good care of you - It was told to me when our loved ones are at their worst, we need to be at our best.
And let me share my story, my beautiful intelligent well-spoken mother of 2, 27 yr old daughter called me ~ said that she was living on the streets ~ had no where for her & her baby to go, blah, blah, blah - same ole story begging to come live with me & my now exah ~
This is the daughter who had already been thru 2 out patient rehabs, 1 inpatient, been to jail once, numerous DUI's had been fixed, blah, blah, blah,
I told her "Ash, I love you so much, but I can't rob you of the self-respect and dignity of finding your own way. So I have to say no."
I knew that my then ah (her dad) had relapsed & she was NEVER going to get sober in our home - they would use together - she had ZERO chances of finding sobriety in our home.
I spent the next 3 days basically weeping as I worked thru the steps with my sponsor over the grief - but I knew I had given her the opportunity where at my home she would have none.
I would love to tell you that she got sober right away - but she didn't - it got much worse.
more rehabs, more jail time and another child were added to her story.
But I can tell you that today - 6 yrs later - she is sober. I recently told my story at a State Convention - just before I gave my talk she handed me her 6 month chip & said, I remember when you told me no I couldn't stay with you. She said "you wanted to give me the dignity to find my own way, you gave me respect when I didn't respect myself, I will never forget that."
I can't guarantee you that your daughter's story will turn out the same or that my daughter will stay sober - she has relapsed many many times - but I can tell that she heard my actions, she felt my respect and she knew she was loved even in the depths of the disease.
Ok - sorry for going on so long - but I felt as a Mom - you really needed to hear this story
Please seek your HP's guidance as to what is the best & healthiest path for YOU!
PINK HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Hello, PresentTense, I'm sorry that you are going through this with your DD. I hope you keep reading & sharing here. I can sense your pain in your post, but also a strong resolve & a good sense of boundaries. Good for you!
Ms Pink.... this brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing.
Ms Pink.... this brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing.
Originally Posted by MsPINKAcres 
((PresentTense))
But I can tell you that today - 6 yrs later - she is sober. I recently told my story at a State Convention - just before I gave my talk she handed me her 6 month chip & said, I remember when you told me no I couldn't stay with you. She said "you wanted to give me the dignity to find my own way, you gave me respect when I didn't respect myself, I will never forget that."
But I can tell you that today - 6 yrs later - she is sober. I recently told my story at a State Convention - just before I gave my talk she handed me her 6 month chip & said, I remember when you told me no I couldn't stay with you. She said "you wanted to give me the dignity to find my own way, you gave me respect when I didn't respect myself, I will never forget that."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
MsPonkAcres: thank you for your story...I am not a mother but your story still made me cry.
PresentTense: you sound like an incredibly strong women...I only wish my mother had been that way with my brother.
PresentTense: you sound like an incredibly strong women...I only wish my mother had been that way with my brother.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
I am incredibly grateful for the feedback. I feel so much support here and sometimes I feel like I am swimming in wisdom on this site. Your experience and compassion are overwhelming. Thank you from the bottom of my heart...PresentTense
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