Talltrees

So we've decided to go to our home state for Christmas to see family. My little brother just got engaged, and despite his drinking that seems to be getting more and more out of control, he and his fiance are almost the only people in the family I get along with. I have it in my head that things will be different now that my heroin addict brother and his heroin addict gf are in prison. Their two year-old is still living with my grandmother, who turned 70 today. I'm dying to see him again and for my kids to play with him. But I know there will be tension from the other lingering issues. I called my mom for the first time in months yesterday to find out what all the kids want for Christmas. She answered saying, "I'm so glad you called. I was sleeping in my car [during lunch break] and my alarm didn't work." Sleeping. Yeah. Even if it was just a nap, it still reminds me of what I'll face when we come there. Forceful invitations to breakfast when I know she'll still be naked in bed and in a bad mood when I get there. Sending me manipulative text and voice messages when I tell her I have other plans.

I've realized I need to ignore that stuff now and do what I'm comfortable with. Still afraid that I won't though. I will look like a jerk when she cries to my grandmother, who has no clue when it comes to alcoholism, who will tell the rest of the family that I'm "fighting" with my mom again and "refusing" to see her. Then I get speeches from all my relatives about how family is important and I need to forgive and forget. I don't even know if it's worth it. I know addicts are impossible to reason with, but I am constantly amazed at how easily she manages to keep the whole family thinking that I'm so terrible.

I don't know what I'm doing. I ordered some more addiction literature from Amazon. Partly because I am fascinated by it, and also because I am trying to arm myself with reminders that what I'm doing is okay. I approve of me, I approve of me. Feels a little pathetic at first, but it works :-)

Just wanted to share.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Love and hugs to those who don't always have good feelings about the holidays. I'm thankful that I still do.

MsPINKAcres

remember "what other people think of me is none of my business"

me & my HP think I'm fabulous & that's all that really matters anyway

^^ read the above sentence as often as possible!!

You can also limit your interaction with any one that affects your serenity ~ a short visit & being about to keep your sanity is always a good choice for me ~

Keep taking good care of YOU!

Pink hugs

Tuffgirl

I am one of those people who like to understand stuff, so I have read a lot about addictions and personality disorders. If that works for you, I highly recommend it! It works for me, even though detaching from loved ones is still hard.

Prayers for a peaceful holiday and family interaction...stay strong!
~T

Katiekate

(((((((((Talltrees))))))))))

So, you still have the option of backing out anytime you want to.

It is your right, your HP will back you up on that

I have done well iin the past with making a plan.

ie.... I will go to Christmas Eve with my family , I will arrive at 5pm and leave by 9.

I think you get what it mean, so with family , for me, it's chuncks of time.

I will have breakfast with Mom on Tuesday, from 9 to 11. However that works for you.

You always have a choice, I just stopped caring what anyone else thought and took care of myself.

I hope this makes sense and it helps. Keep us posted. And be good to yourself.