fourmaggie

I always listen to my gut..thats my HP talking to me...

if you 'listen' he will tell you....

Lulu39

Yep. They sure don't!

I used to be, or try to be, such a little pollyanna peacemaker...until I found my voice. I once packed up my kids and drunken husband in the middle of a very expensive family holiday with my brother and his partner and their children and drove us to a motel and then home. My brother's kids were being feral and rather than discipline them or do or say ANYTHING, brother's partner screamed abuse at her kid and called him awful names and told the kid that Aunty Lulu couldn't stand him anymore and that was why they would have to go home. That when I said to myself - I am done. Awful memory, but I had to step up. The kid had ADHD and ODD and is wasn't his fault he was being feral, it was his mother's refusal to medicate him because he "needed a holiday from his meds."

Another time I had a drunken visitor in my home. He was a guest of one of my guests. He got ruder and ruder. When he made a sexual remark toward me, challenging me to shut up and pretend it didn't happen or react, well that was when I stood up and said "Get the F out of my house, NOW!" No-one could quite believe I did it. I could feel the shockwaves. Apparently that behaviour embarrassed the drunken XAH! "But he was a guest in our home. How DARE you!"

Fandy

Everyone was probably just shocked to discover that Auntie Lulu was the brains in the group, doing the most sensible thing isnt always popular.

TakingCharge999

Thanks everyone...

I was feeling very lousy yesterday, angry and mostly ashamed of myself.

I cried and asked God to help me solve my issues & guide me / I burned some candles.. it made me feel better.

Today I woke up and had some bitterness but I am feeling better overall, indeed my gut has told me this guy is not someone to trust, and that's it, no need for major drama or for fighting. Its not important.

I was thinking that yes indeed I am 30 and an adult and need to fend for myself, the reason why my emotions get over the board is because I, like ACOAs, had to be independent since young and have had no 'shield' from healthier adults. So its the fact yes but also the exhaustion of trusting way too much in too many people already. I talked to myself and convinced me its progress not perfection and gave myself a pat on the back.

I hope I can arrange to go when he is not there, or to go with someone else, or send someone else. I do not want to see him.

TakingCharge999

Well I talked to one of the admins. at school and she said that this man has issues and he no longer works at school. I have talked to some other people and mentioned this event. Last Sat. I walked to where he lives and did not find him.

I still have him in facebook. Is it tacky to post something related to this rip off in his wall or my wall? Shall I just block him ?

BlueSkies1

I sell a lot of things online. Sometimes I get in a situation where the person has the upper hand--my item, and may be threatening a chargeback or other action. Right now he has the upper hand--both the dress and the money for it. So I would tread carefully. Maybe put the heat on, but without attacking his person, just the facts. Like--"I want the dress I paid for and bought from (insert part of his name). You have to watch two things, one is slander, the other is making him so upset you never see a refund or the dress.
I'd post it on my own wall--what's the point of posting it on his--he can remove it. He can't remove it from your wall

TakingCharge999

I put a comment in my wall "Still waiting for Y's dress" ..

Ready to cut my losses...

TakingCharge999

He has proceeded to insult me via inbox..
I am angry & hurt..
He said my comment was "classy"

I´ll ask a friend to read the messages for me, and just pass the relevant info... I think he asked me for my bank account.

fourmaggie

i do believe in KARMA....

maybe it is time to LET GO AND LET GOD...

and i do think YOUR CLASSY to call him up on his $hit...HONESTY to me is the BEST policy

PohsFriend

May I borrow that?

PohsFriend

Here's a thought... This guy is toxic as hell for you, right? If you get dress or money he can come ask you for some other favor. For the cost of the dress you are rid of him for life because he will duck you and not ask for more.

Defriend and wipe from shoe, go spend your prize on something you enjoy and don't waste time posting something snarky ...drama is like vampires, you have to invite it in before it can kill you :-)

StarCat

Someone like him, I wouldn't give him any information where he could clean out your bank account, too. Just saying. People like this, when angry, are capable of lots of things that trusting people wouldn't generally think of.

TakingCharge999

Thanks friends..

I was more angry than hurt, yesterday.. with him but more with myself. I feel like I failed a codie test. My gut was already telling me he was not someone to trust and I was there trusting him then feeling let down. Sheesh. I should know better by now...

No worries, the bank info I give can only be used for a deposit and nothing else.

PohsFriend you can borrow the phrase, I learned it here in SR.

Fandy

don't let this guy take up space in your life, he's not worth it. But who CARES if you tell the world. You might be saving others from being ripped off by Mr. Cheesy himself.

I think you have shown remarkable restraint. he's not a friend, he's a con artist...(trying to gaslight you too).

TakingCharge999

I am so bad at confrontation.

On the other hand I was already feeling like an idiot looking for this man as if I owed him a favor instead of the other way around.

He has my facebook and my mobile number and knows my school schedule. He has not moved a finger to reach out to me and to add insult to injury he is the one who is angry now!

A narcissist indeed.. at this point I have seen so many mental disorders (including my own) .. I should have been a psychiatrist . I am so glad I have read about narcissism, it has helped me to know the best way to deal with one is never.

This man is going to Project Runway LA next year. I hope he gets kicked out the first week.

TakingCharge999

Thank you all for your comments -

Fandy its not retraint, its behaving passive and like a doormat!!!


He agreed to leave the dress at X place with Y person.. I ask Y person about it and she says "he did not tell me anything, perhaps he was distracted by his birthday party"
I feel sick of still waiting for him to do anything he says.

I just mentioned all of what happened in a Facebook group for creative types. So at least 8,269 people may be informed now.

I saw this man from afar last weekend, I was in a car and he was having lunch with his friends without a care in the world. When people show you who they are.......

Anyway, I decided to let it all go. I blocked him. End of story. I never cared much for material things but what struck me as well was that in his ranting he said "I used to care about you and love you"... and I realize its another one of those!! quacking lies when in REALITY things are very different - I felt sick again.


Now I appreciate my few REAL friends way more.

Letting go of the whole thing feels good... easier said than done ... he is the poster child of narcissism, and as someone posted here, the best way to deal with them is NEVER.

TakingCharge999

PS He told me I had "no class" LOL

I answered that someone without class is the one full of BS.

I guess he did not like it. He is used to people sucking up to him.

Lulu39

Which one is he on Project Runway I want to hiss at the TV when I see him.

SparkleKitty

Right? I just know I am going to spend that whole season trying to figure out which one he is...

Lulu39

I reckon it will be easy I can spot a narcissist or an addict a mile away, I suspect most of us on this board can.