ferretfreak

ivee been taking the time to read others post and its amazing the support and amazing people involved in this website. So i thought i might give posting a try. I am a daughter of an alcoholic, my mom passed away 12 years ago, the fight against the disease of bein an alcoholic became to much and she decided to take her own life. I grew up with her drinking, as a young girl. i remember when i was 7 she to me had finally decided she was going to stop drinking and she was going to do what she could to become a sober mom. So she sent me to my aunt and uncles while my older sister ten years my senior stayed at home. And well as i'm very sure she didn't stay at home knowing she was stubburn and rebellious but none the less she was home near my mom and went through a struggle i'm sure. As i''m typing this I don't think my sister and I have really talked in length on what it was we both went through. But come a year later i came home and mom was amazing. I look back and being so young i remember loving every minute she was sober for 3 years, i was so happy had a normal life normal issues, and had amazing happy memories. Once the three years were up and she fell "off the wagon" it was devastating to me. Being so young i just loved her being sober i didn't understand the seriousness of what was happening only that mom was ok one minute and loopy the next. Mom struggled after that... 3 months not drinking 3 months drinking. Back and forth for years. I remember going to school hoping i wouldnt have to come home to take care of her because she started drinking again. So many times i had to pick her up off the floor from falling and making sure she was still alive every half hour. It was really hard one year and harder now that i realize what it is she was doing through. Xmas eve came and she so badly didnt want to be drinking any more so she just stopped she just didnt wanna be sick in the morning when her girls were opening thier presents and didn't want to be drunk. So she just stopped cold turkey, in the process she had a seizure. Seeing my mom like that was so hard and being the person to call the ambulance was so hard. I remember going to the hospital xmas day and it was so hard to see her there i blamed her but loved her any way. and feeling horriable that i had gotten to open my presents prior without her being there i felt so guilty and then felt so bad that she had missed it all. Few years later she decided that the pain was just to much and took her life. she had fallin again and started drinking and as the family has talked over the years she had said if she fell again she was going to end it. So i guess she was a woman of her word. 12 years later 25 years old...im ok with it. I've come to accept it. my mom was wonderful she really was.. of course i have bad memories ambulances and fights and bruises and struggles. But i got glimpses of the real woman beyond the disease and she was amazing! and i learn from her every day. I'm trying so hard now to learn from her. Learn the strength she had all those years the kindness she showed me and others the same kindness that can sometimes criple people. The willingness the determination and the very lesson i can learn from her suicide. Because now 12 years later My sister is stuggling with the very same illness. It's a shock to a degree. as most will say i seen they were drinking alot but not to that degree. But i can say i should have seen it coming its in the blood but it doesnt matter, its the here and now that matters. And its hard going through it all over again. Its much harder now knowing my beautiful niece is now what i once was. My sister realizes she has this problem because someone from the outside world has gotten involved and has stepped in. She is forced into seeing she has this problem and is forced into getting help. She seems as though she is relying on this person and the punishment they bring to determine if she will continue to drink. as she has already detoxed once in the past two weeks. If this person doesnt come along with punishment she seems as though she wont give up drinking and hard to tell if punishment does happen if she will still want to give it up. It is definitely effecting her family. It is her and her husband and me niece. Ive come to see after her husband has said several times to me hes wanting to be there for my sister and will do anything that he is still in fact drinkingwith her and could very well be bringing the alcohol to her without her knowing. and as i say that she recently started drinking again about 4 days ago and we will say as i can see it which could very well be wrong he wanted to drink and went and got it and she was not strong enough to say no once in front of her and did it again the next day and the last two days shes been 100% a part of it all. I cant talkj to her sober because shes scared to detox so i dont know what is or isnt the truth. but i do in fact know hes drinking. Im scared im scared for her my sister im scared for her daughter my beautiful niece most important. and scared her husband is making it worse and better yet hes in denial mode which could cause way more harm then good. she talks to me every day and wants the pain to go away and doesnt want to be sick. so i know thats one main reason shes drinking. and its so hard not to tell her time and time again ur daughter is who u need to be thinking of. dont you remember what you and i both went through? i try not to go there every time we talk maybe every couple days. Most of the time i try to be supportive in trying to figure out or explain the many options she has. i just moved recently 3 months ago about 1100 miles from her, which is making this very hard. but i let her know that im here and she can come and that we can do this together. talk to peopel and work towards something. i've made one trip back so far one of many it seems i might be making, she was ok she had just got over detox mode and was feeling strong i warned her hard times are ahead and talking and getting out there needs to happen. but she isnt one for talking to strangers so now of all the times she just doesnt want to. so now i'm left with what to do. what should i say what should i do should i move back should i stay? the right decisions on what to say and at what times? should i try to take custody of my beautiful neice as my uncle and aunt did for me? I'm more then willing to help in any way that i can... BUT THE REAL REASON as to why im posting my lifes dramas are to get insight knowledge what others think or see or know on my situation. Seeing others that have struggled and gotten through or those that are working to get through which i know it an endless but worth it battle is amazing. Its showing me what it is my sister is going through a little insight and showing me maybe of what i can do to help. If there is anything any one can say im open ears! And i thank you for taking the time in reading my story and maybe taking time in responding.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I am so sorry about your mom's alcoholism and how you and your sister were affected. Such a tragedy.

Do you know if there are ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) or Alanon (friends and faamily of alcoholics) meetings in your area? You qualify for both groups, but alanon may be easier to find. There you can find face to face support as well as helpful literature to help your own personal recovery.

I understand your confusion over what you should do to help your sister. But realistically, how has living closer or taking her drunk calls changed anything thus far?

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Dealing with a loved ones alcoholism truly made me insane.

Learning about boundaries may help. Learning to detach with love may help. These things may help you get stronger , prevent enabling and show your sister that you have stopped listening to her intentions and want to see actions.

A healthy boundary for yourself may involve protecting yourself from drunken conversations. Drunken conversations involve our listening to pity party ranting and then our trying to offer advice and support to an alcoholic who doesn't want to change. So the cycle continues, until we change the only person we have power to change - ourselves.

Keep reaching out for support as we do care about you.