eyeswideopen

He's in recovery now working on his first year. Do we ever forget? They never seem to realize how bad it got. I'm not going to go into big details about everything that has happen on my rollercoaster ride, I just got this one question. Do we every relax again, or is there always going to be a tightness in my shoulders and thought my neck? Is this tenseness normal? Or did I just miss the boat when it come to being relax? If I don't think about him and forget about us it does seem to lessen.

smoke gets in my eyes

It gets better. And while it's a good idea to learn to not react so emotionally to the memories, I don't think I want to forget. Being blindsided got me mowed down once.

Hugs!

Jeff_C

Recovery is difficult, damn difficult, and not just for them, but for us. As much as “they� have been affected by years of substance abuse, so have we. And while “they go about the work of recovery if we in turn do not, we will simply be left in the dust of the way it was, clutching desperately to those old and tired resentments, cherishing what we see as our “rightness�, and superiority. Would ya rather be “right�, or would ya rather be happy?

And the point is not that we “forget�, but remember, remember well, differently, constructively, and build a “trust� that is founded upon the tenants of recovery, rather than the unseeing ignorance we lived in before,------------no matter how “comfortable� we believed it to be.

And while some of that chaos was written by the use of substances, even more was authored by the way in which we interpreted, and internalized it. Not assuming the responsibility for exactly what our part in it all was well may signal our readiness to repeat it, no matter what protestations we may engage in.

The relaxation will come as you become more familiar with it all, and your own recovery. The joy will come in the pursuit of it. Congratulations to the both of ya, and oh yeah,-------------------------keep comin’ back.
Jeff

Magichappens

Hey eyes,
I am finding that the steps are designed to put the past in perspective, not to remove the memories. Those big balls of emotion I have are layed out and examined to see that I don't have to react and stuff and be victimized any more. It is sort of like lansing an infected wound to help it heal. The process takes a while, but it is worth it. I was finally willing to try something different after years of what you described. For a long time I felt that way and even resented my husbands recovery. How dare he move on from what he had "done" to me, seeking serenity and peace, while I still lived in pain. There was no solution in that. It brought pain and misery into our relationship, and into my heart. At the time I couldn't see this. I am grateful that I finally realized that I needed help as much if not more than he did. Hugs, Magic

Cap3

When i have had the desprate ....need ...to forget,it is for me because i have not......forgiven....another.And have not looked into my part in it all.Once i started my own recovery,i then saw,,all that stuff that i said and did.Then asked myself,,is he able to forget,my words actions..etc...???My ego says well hell im not as bad as he was..But thats not true.I played my part,for sure.Im not perfect,and knowing this,,im more able to forgive him,as i would like for him to forgive me too.Many times ive prayed,because ive found it hard,,tuff,,to forgive.,at times..Depends on the issue.Some were and are easier than others..So i ask God to give me a forgiving heart,and mind.And this works in my life.Sometimes its so tuff to let go of my ego,** and im only speaking about myself here}that wants.and holds onto resentments,hurts over the same issue,,over and over,,,and all that "stuff".I need that Higher Power to help me through.My past.His past,,as we are both alcoholics,through the grace of God,,and recovery programs,has turned out to be a great tool today in helping out others.We dont wish to shut the door on it.We dont forget it.We use it...Forgivenss has set us.....free!!!!!!!.
Thanks for letting me share.
God Bless,,take care.......keep on keeping on.

Dust Bunny

As heart wrenching as some of the memories are, I don't think I want to forget... NOT out of a desire to punish my A ... but more a reminder of where I've been and what it took to bring me where I am and hopfully will be. My "lessons" were hard won and I prefer that my experiences benefit others as opposed to wallowing in self pity or pretending they didn't happen.

Time is slowly easing the pain associated with those memories, but I hope to hold on to the changes I've made as a result of those times.

Hope that made sense. :cube: :heart

joyous

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personally, i'm working on awareness and acceptance. Sounds like you have the awareness down! it's hard for me to accept sickness, negative thoughts, anger, lots of stuff. When i am able to stay in awareness without self-criticism i can manage some acceptance of what is going on in my body/mind and sometimes this helps me to remember that i'm okay and it helps with the symptoms of my disease.