cranapple

I left my abf a week ago after an almost 4 year relationship. We are still having to figure things out with bills so I've had to be somewhat in touch with him. His phone was off for two days and I get a voicemail from him last night apologizing for not getting back to me and that he is now in treatment and to contact his mom about one of the bills. I really let it get to me this morning and I can't stop crying now. I begged him to go to treatment for years and he refused. Now that I've left him he finally goes?? I should be happy for him right? So why do I keep crying over this man. Ugh!!

shawty80

hang in there, cran, for this too shall pass. perhaps you keep crying because you feel your dream with him slowly slipping away. perhaps you cry out of frustration. in truth, it matters not the reason, only that you are CAPABLE of feeling your feelings and are allowing yourself to let go the pain. those tears are so therapuetic!!

a four year relationship is no easy feat, let alone a four year relationship with an active alcoholic. go easy on yourself, and don't trouble your mind or heart over his reasons for seeking help now. you could have done EVERYTHING perfectly, and it still might not have turned out the way you envisioned. that's a sad truth, but it is...oh, so true.

i'm sorry you are hurting, sweets. in time you will find peace. i struggle with it on a daily basis, and was just now brought to tears by hearing a commercial in the next room of a song that my xabf used to sing to me. no one EVER said it was easy loving an alcoholic, did they?

big hugs to you!!!!

misty

ZiggyB

Hi Cranapple.
You are crying because you loved him... and 4 years is a long time so it will take you a while to get over it. You get very attached to people, even when you know they aren't good for you. I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope you take care of yourself. Perhaps you leaving him was the wake up call that he needed? Breakups are hard and lots of feelings will come up.

((hugs))

Rosiepetal

It's only natural you feel the way you do, it's hard alright.
Grieve for him & then turn the focus on yourself & healing.
Big hugs to you.

Punkin50

You cry because I am sure you love him. I just have one suggestion...don't rush back in until you KNOW he is going to stay sober, alcoholics will promise you the world and hand you a hand full of crap.

PresentTense

Why does love have to hurt so much sometimes? My heart goes out to you, Cranapple and I wish you well

Shadydeal

I understand and have intended on posting something on this very subject! It hurts even worse bc there is some illusion i think i have with what could have been or what i wanted it to be! I have around the same amount of time into my XABF that is now sober 3 months! My gosh the love, the pain, the struggle, the money I spent and your sober now! I am ashamed of my self for saying this bc I am so glad but yet I feel so cheated! Now I have to laugh at the comment bc he cheated on me often! But I feel sad that I don't get that sober time! I got a week here or there but no real sober time in over 4 years! I have to remind myself based on my experience that it doesn't mean a whole lot! In 2009 I put my XABF thru rehab and i thought that fixed the issue! Nope, he only stayed sober for 30 days and the bigger mess began! This time he was forced into sobriety but from everything I have been told his thinking is still sick stinking thinking! I struggle because I create this place in my mind that if he was just sober everything would be ok but it's not reality! If he is sober and can remain sober (if is big in his case) there are still so many issues and struggles. Truly I hope he will remain sober and have a good life but it hurts like hell that I can't be apart of his life but the truth is....going to rehab is only a start and it's not as Rosie as we'd like t think! Hang in there, you are so not alone!
him to stay sober 30 days and I tr

thislonelygirl

Sorry you feel betrayed/confused/Hurt
This is one of the reasons loved ones leave so they will hopefully deicde treatment.....this could be the case-you left so now he has himself to look at.....how his failed relationship and drinking is not the life he wants or it could be another realization.

mdkathy62

Good morning cranapple,

I left my XABF a little over a month ago and that is one thing I fear too, that he will finally take sobriety seriously now that I am gone and I won't get to enjoy time with him even though I invested three years into being there for him while he was drinking. A lot of times those thoughts cross my mind and then I have to remind myself of a couple things: my ex had a pattern of always claiming/trying to change after we broke up (we were on and off 3-4 times), but each time those changes did not sustain; that even if he sobered up now, alcoholism is a life long battle, I've heard of people who relapse after many years of sobriety; and ultimately I wish the best for my ex and the best for me. If he could not stay sober while we were together, it doesn't mean much to me now if he decides to be sober. Why? Because he shouldn't have to lose me to take sobriety seriously.