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We were having a good week....and then QUACK!

Old 11-25-2012, 08:09 AM
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We were having a good week....and then QUACK!

LOL, I have to laugh at our situation sometimes or else I think I'd truly go mad. We have new family news to share: WE'RE GOING TO GET A DOG! I have been pining away for a new dog since we put our old girl down back in September and I know my son has, too. I kept thinking: the timing isn't right, the timing isn't right, etc and then I realized: when will the timing ever be right? I live in chaos with someone who is mentally unstable and binge drinks, so it will never be right. So, I made the command decision to go out and adopt a dog.

Ah has been OK with it this past week. We've actually had a few good conversations about it, discussing the backyard, the fencing, etc. Until this morning! He decided to get snarky and start his quacking at me, UGH! I asked him if he was coming with us at 11 to go see the dogs. He said, "Of course, I have to make sure you can find a dog you can TRUST! Because if you can't, then we might as well call the whole thing off." Oooo, that burned me. He said it all snarky and had that stupid look on his face that said 'I'm starting something, wanna play'. I ignored him, I knew he was referring to me and my trust issues with him. Just when we had had a few good days, he decides to start again.

It doesn't help either that my son told me that my AH got 6 more months tacked onto his ignition interlock(bringing it up to 2 years) and AH hasn't told me about it. My son tried to tell me the story of how my AH was getting gas and left the car running but didn't hear the interlock go off and didn't blow. Ummm, since when do you leave the car running when you get gas? Ridiculous, but I'd expect nothing less at this point. I wasn't angry about the extra time, even though it cost $90 a month,I was more ticked off that AH hasn't told me about it yet.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:45 AM
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That sounds odd. He has it for quite a while now & he should know he can't leave the car running. It could be possible that he found a way to get around the interlock device. The machine can detect tampering & will request to be serviced early. $90 a month is quite a bit per month. I know in my state it's about $60. Luckily, I think you have your own car & don't have to mess around with it.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:59 AM
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I can look back and remember thinking over and over again--maybe this is it. Maybe he's finally getting it. It seems silly now, with the benefit of hindsight. It was a very predictable pattern. He would do/say something that pushed me to the edge. Then he would realize that if he wasn't careful, he would lose his enabler. So, he would get "back in line." It would last for a few days/weeks until he started feeling comfortable and cocky again, then he would push a bit too far and I was back on the edge. Lather, rinse, repeat. I danced that dance for nearly 20 years.

I couldn't see the pattern when I was dancing. I had to get some distance and look back on it objectively. When I did, it was clear as day. Textbook "cycle of abuse."

L
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:59 AM
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It's so fustrating when out of no where comments start coming out.

A dog can do the family some good. I always find dogs make me feel SO MUCH better when things in my life aren't going right. Also, when RABF used to start a fight I would take the puppy for a walk and get some fresh air. Of course I could have gone out by myself and gotten fresh air, but I felt like I had something to do yunno. Plus whenever I am sad my dog always seems to know and comes and cuddles. I hope you guys find a good family dog.

I would be annoyed that he got the extra time and that he didn't tell me about it.
It's so fustrating when the lies just keep coming and coming.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Maylie View Post
It's so fustrating when out of no where comments start coming out.

A dog can do the family some good. I always find dogs make me feel SO MUCH better when things in my life aren't going right. Also, when RABF used to start a fight I would take the puppy for a walk and get some fresh air. Of course I could have gone out by myself and gotten fresh air, but I felt like I had something to do yunno. Plus whenever I am sad my dog always seems to know and comes and cuddles. I hope you guys find a good family dog.

I would be annoyed that he got the extra time and that he didn't tell me about it.
It's so fustrating when the lies just keep coming and coming.
I know, I miss my dogs so much! My 14 year old is sitting on the couch playing with a stuffed dog right now in anticipation of getting a new dog, LOL! I think he's role playing!

As for the interlock thing: I think he sees it as a lie of omission. I never asked, he never had to tell. He knew exactly how the device works. He also knows he can have a certain amount of beer before setting it off, he admitted this to me once before. Anyway, I don't know if his story to our son was true or not, nor do I know if my son told the story back to me correctly either. Doesn't really matter, I do believe my son when he told me that dad got 6 more months, though, doesn't matter how or why.

As for what LTD said, YES: I recognize the cycle myself and I have chosen to not do the dance. Last year, I would have a had comment or a hurtful look or somehow engaged him. Today I just ignored him and drank my tea in peace. What really bugs me is the look he gave me, which just screamed passive aggressive. UGH!
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
As for what LTD said, YES: I recognize the cycle myself and I have chosen to not do the dance. Last year, I would have a had comment or a hurtful look or somehow engaged him. Today I just ignored him and drank my tea in peace. What really bugs me is the look he gave me, which just screamed passive aggressive. UGH!
Liz, I think is great that you don't engage with him any more. That takes a lot of strength. You are making progress. But (there's always a but, lol), you are still dancing in many ways. Whenever he's "nice" or promises to seek "help," or writes a sappy letter to the therapist, it throws you into a spin. I know you didn't ask for my advice, and we're supposed to refrain from giving it, but if you just assume he is going to continue to be a jerk, even when he's "playing nice," it will help you to maintain your serenity. It takes a long time for people to change, so getting your hopes up after a week or two of good behavior will only disappoint you. Of course you don't trust him. Because you know, deep down, that when he puts on the nice act, it's not real, and it won't last.

L
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:07 PM
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I would expect the added stress of "puppy hood" to introduce a new dynamic. Looking back it was right around the time we got Milo that pot started boiling over.
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:38 PM
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Puppies are great.

I got one and then the relationship blasted open.

I decided I would take care of her the way I would like to be taken care of.

It taught me alot, about everything.
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Old 11-25-2012, 04:38 PM
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I would highly recommend the book The Dance of Anger. It really teaches you how to stop being the "dancing partner."
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:00 PM
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
Liz, I think is great that you don't engage with him any more. That takes a lot of strength. You are making progress. But (there's always a but, lol), you are still dancing in many ways. Whenever he's "nice" or promises to seek "help," or writes a sappy letter to the therapist, it throws you into a spin. I know you didn't ask for my advice, and we're supposed to refrain from giving it, but if you just assume he is going to continue to be a jerk, even when he's "playing nice," it will help you to maintain your serenity. It takes a long time for people to change, so getting your hopes up after a week or two of good behavior will only disappoint you. Of course you don't trust him. Because you know, deep down, that when he puts on the nice act, it's not real, and it won't last.

L
I know that feeling. This is the first weekend that I can think of that he has not gotten drunk. He is trying to prove a point because he knows that I am about done. His little good boy act means nothing to me cause I know this week will bring something different. It always does.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
I would highly recommend the book The Dance of Anger. It really teaches you how to stop being the "dancing partner."
Yes, I have that book and have read it twice!

Well, we got the puppy! He's adorable, but I forgot about those late night outings to use the rest room and the crying in the crate that just tugs at your heart. They cry so hard it sounds like they're dying, LOL! The poor little guy has a bit of tummy upset and has a lot of sneezing going on. I'm planning on getting him set up with my vet later this week. He just follows us around, constantly curious, and really is the sweetest little guy. My AH is doting on him already and just likes to lay down with him and kiss him all over. Well, we're all doing that. My son and I ate some old pumpkin pie that was sitting on the counter last night and neither one of us feels very well today, so we're camped out on the couches ourselves, LOL!
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Yes, I have that book and have read it twice!

Well, we got the puppy! He's adorable, but I forgot about those late night outings to use the rest room and the crying in the crate that just tugs at your heart. They cry so hard it sounds like they're dying, LOL! The poor little guy has a bit of tummy upset and has a lot of sneezing going on. I'm planning on getting him set up with my vet later this week. He just follows us around, constantly curious, and really is the sweetest little guy. My AH is doting on him already and just likes to lay down with him and kiss him all over. Well, we're all doing that. My son and I ate some old pumpkin pie that was sitting on the counter last night and neither one of us feels very well today, so we're camped out on the couches ourselves, LOL!
Congratulations on the new puppy! A new puppy always brings a lot of laughter (but a lot of sleepiness nights too).

Changing his food will cause his stomach to become very upset and most likely he will have diarrhea. If you know what they were feeding him, slowly add the your choice of puppy food to it and transition him to it.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
Congratulations on the new puppy! A new puppy always brings a lot of laughter (but a lot of sleepiness nights too).

Changing his food will cause his stomach to become very upset and most likely he will have diarrhea. If you know what they were feeding him, slowly add the your choice of puppy food to it and transition him to it.
We bought the food they were using so he's had no change there, but I did give him a puppy rawhide yesterday and with all the excitement and changes, I could probably attribute it to that.

Yes, I am going to take a nap later today, LOL!
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
We bought the food they were using so he's had no change there, but I did give him a puppy rawhide yesterday and with all the excitement and changes, I could probably attribute it to that.

Yes, I am going to take a nap later today, LOL!
That's if the puppy wants to nap, lol.

I, personally, know many horror stories about rawhide. I would highly suggest you avoid it. Nylabones are bit more money but are much better for your new lttle guy I also avoid any toys, treats or food made overseas.
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Old 11-26-2012, 10:12 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
That's if the puppy wants to nap, lol.

I, personally, know many horror stories about rawhide. I would highly suggest you avoid it. Nylabones are bit more money but are much better for your new lttle guy I also avoid any toys, treats or food made overseas.
It was a nylabone product and specifically for puppies but I'm going to just keep giving him his Kong and his rope toys and squeaky toys today. Nothing messy or chewy, LOL!

Well, my 14 year old and my AH should be able to take some responsibility today for me.
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Old 11-26-2012, 11:33 AM
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What kind of puppy is it?
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
What kind of puppy is it?
He seems to have some dobie or shepherd mixed. He and his sisters were rescued from off the Indian Reservation. There are quite a few rescue organizations who get the puppies and have arrangements with PetSmart or PetCo for adoptions. He was just attacking my fingers while I was trying to type. Man, when he's awake he's full steam ahead, LOL! And, then he crashes and it's the cutest thing.
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Old 11-27-2012, 05:04 PM
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ok... i have to say this....

I WANT PICTURES!!
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by fourmaggie View Post
ok... i have to say this....

I WANT PICTURES!!
ME TOO! We lost our dear girl of eleven years just three months ago. Can't even think about getting another yet, but love love LOVE puppies and pictures of puppies!!!!!!!
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:40 PM
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Lizatola - I'm so happy for you! I remember puppy days. The Kong toys were a lifesaver. We didn't crate until AFTER he ate a table leg and part of a carpet. You are wise, but oh, it's hard. It seems like last week but it was a loooong time ago. Yes, I agree - pictures, please!

SparkleKitty - I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a heartbreaker to lose a dog. Our guy is 11. I know that day is coming at some point and I just dread it. We might have another 2-3 years if we're lucky and he stays healthy overall. Vet says 12-14 years for a lab-shepard mix. THere is just nothing in the world like a beloved dog.

Right now, he's telling me he wants to go out. I've noticed that as he's gotten elderly, I have to remember the puppy days and pay close attention!!!
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