myles1

You say you work two jobs. Do you make enough to be able to support yourself and get out on your own?

Ngaire

Dazimae

I am guess there is no way to know when Denial is at it's worst MY AH went into detox today *YEAH* well we thought he went in angry, and called me 2 times after 7 hours and said he is not staying he is going home tomorrow. and how horriable it is in there. the nurse said he is so far in denial he is not even giving it a try. I just pray that he stays because I dont care how many Alonon meeting I go to I can not make my self sick over his drinking.and I can not focus on me when I have 4 kids to focus on and their grades are droping, they hate being home. MY 17 year old son said to me. IF he comes home before he goes throu detox I am moving out. I know I can make him stay at 17 but if he is that miserable why would I???????

needhope

Hi all,

First time I've had a chance to post in a week. Currently, my AH is passed out after drinking an entire bottle of jim beam. Hopefully he'll sleep long enough so I can type this, but more than likely he'll be up soon getting sick.

After drinking 18 out of 20 days, along with smoking pot, he went 3 days sober. Then he drank less than a half a bottle and went 2 more days sober, until today. And he went a week without pot. He had money so it was a choice. I was so proud! Didn't mention it just treated him extra nicely (which is easy to do when he's sober and sweet).

We've gotten along just great the past week - in fact it's been heaven. I made a comment last week about how mean he gets coming off the alcohol and pot and I can tell he really made an effort to not get mean. Maybe he stayed semi-sober for week and nice to prove me wrong, but I don't care - it was nice.

Today he mentioned that he could go buy some pot but just didn't want to. I smiled, told him I was proud in so many words but not condescending and didn't nag him or get overly proud of him. He had to run an errand and mentioned going to the ABC store. Call me naive, but I actually believed that he wouldn't drink that much. WRONG!

He drank the whole bottle in 3 hrs. Got overly mushy, gropey, etc. Total turn off. Smoothering me and getting overly romantic (singing, dancing, playing sappy music, etc) and wondered why I wasn't responding to his overtures. I just detached and focused on some work I was doing and tried to ignore it but it's hard when they're slobbering all over you. 2 hrs into his drinking I knew he had drank more than 1/2 a bottle. I went into the kitchen to get something to drink (non-alcholic) and it was sitting there almost empty on the table. I picked it up and told him maybe he should go to bed as he probably wouldn't be feeling good soon. Ok, so duh, shouldn't have said it, was wasting my breath.

So he huffed off to bed, angry with me for saying anything. Said that if I hadn't seen the bottle I wouldn't have knowned and I ruined a perfectly good evening. Uh huh.

I pray he wakes up sick as a dog and remembers what a fool he made of himself tonight and then remembers how WONDERFUL it was (his own words) earlier in the day and all week when he was sober.

I've being doing pretty good focusing on myself and detaching. My mood has been fairly good lately. But right now I am just so disappointed. How can he choose alcohol over happiness? It's not like he needs alcohol to be happy and he knows it. And it sure doesn't seem to enhance his happiness. It only causes problems.

This week was so nice - the smell had gotten noticably better, the sweating had gotten better, we were getting along so great, we had a little more money not spending it on booze and pot....

I had a taste of a better life, I don't want to go back.

So now I have to figure out how to react or not react tomorrow because I don't know if he'll be angry or try to be sweet again. I won't say anything, won't criticize, won't nag. But I'm sure he'll say something and I'm going to need a response. Ignoring him only makes it worse. Ugh. Love isn't supposed to be like this!

Ok, enough whining. Welcome to all the other fellow newbies.

I will try to catch up on everyone's threads tomorrow and will start posting some encouragement (not ready or educated enough to post any advice).

Dazimae

One of the things I have learned is we all try to keep their problem a secret because we are afraid how it will look on the family. I have started telling everyone friends and mostly family, I have invited my AH mother here to help me clean the 10 bags of empty beer cans out of my basement so she could see herself. I have started calling his father and telling him everytime he drinks. so they can learn to not be an enabeler as well. Slowley they are seeing the real him. They have to be held accountable.

helpwanted

[QUOTE=needhope]
He brags about going 2 or 3 days without a drink to "prove" to me he doesn't have an addiction
--------------------

well i'm new to all of this but im so glad to have found a site that people know exactly what im going through.
i find it hard to open up to people and when i do i think that they think i just want attention but i know that you guys here wotn think that
well for as long as i can remember my dads been an alcoholic although when i was little i didnt know what it was, but now hes drinking everyday. hes horrible even when hes just come home from work and hasnt has a drink yet,
and i totally understand you when you say the he brags about going for a few days but with my dad its a few hours. last year when he was drunk he used to hit me but now he doesnt, its all words he uses now and it hurts me more, i could cover up the bruises on my skin but whn he shouts "you'r a fat ugly wh**e and will never get a boyfriend" it hurts. my sisters moved out and living with her husband now so its just me and my mum alone with him. and we both hate him. i know its a disease and all but hes just a horrible person through and through. its really getting me down , my life seems to be going from bad to worse. i used to harm myself with scissors before because i thought it would help, but now i know its stupid, but if times get really bad , like the seomtimes do, i know there stil there ready for me to use if i wasnt. sometimes i want to go all the way and be done with it all. but that would mean he's won and he'd love that. so i know i cant. but somebody please help me.

Magichappens

Hi helpwanted,
Welcome to SR. We are here for you. How old are you? The reason I ask is how long will you have to live with your father? Believe me there is hope after the horror. The more you can get out of the situation the better off you will be, especially if it is an abusive situation. There are a lot of people here who have grown up with alcoholism, and they are learning that it's not their fault, and that they deserve love and recovery. Please check out the other forums too. Adult Children of Alcoholics, the newcommers board, women in recovery. There are a lot of people here who know what you are going through. You are not alone. You don't deserve to be hurt by anyone, including yourself. Join us. I am glad you are here. Hugs, Magic

Daffodil

((((((helpwanted)))))

I'd like to add my welcome to Magic's. I am so glad you found SR. I know how hard it must be for you. I once was there too. Only both my parents were alcoholics.

You are right, you're hurting you does nothing to change the situation. But it does cause you even greater pain.

Sending you love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil