sdickinson001

Hello I first want to thank everyone for their support on my previous posts, about my recent break-up with my fiancé. I have some questions regarding our next step after our break up. We currently live together, and cannot afford to break our lease. We have a lot of things and a pet, and I dont know what I should do. Its also my birthday today, and I have received phone calls from family members of her side that feel very sorry for me. One family member that told me that "we grew apart", and "we are good friends, but not long term partners", and so forth. This is coming from her mother, who is from what I have learned through these posts an "enabler" to her husband, who is an active alcoholic. I gave my fiance a couple of days after our break-up, but now I have to go home and do some of my work for school. Any advice would be helpful because I don't want to make it hard on her, so I texted her "what time she would be home", she said verbatim " whenever. It's your Birthday and you live there too dork ". Am I reading into the texts too much? Any advice would be helpful.

Tuffgirl

I would say by the tone of her text (calling you a dork) that she is not taking any of this seriously. However, my experience with alcoholics has been they never take anything seriously, especially when previous threats have been not acted upon. If you are really done, and mean it this time, then breaking the lease becomes something you must do regardless of whether or not you can afford it.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :day1

OhBoy

I can empathize with you. I recently served my STBXAW divorce papers. For a few weeks before that (we both knew it was coming) we lived together. It was uncomfortable to say the least! What made it easier for me was concentrating on me. I tried to not let her presence there dictate how I lived my life. Sometimes it was just a dog & pony show, but I had to let the show play out for a while & eventually I was able to find a little serenity. I would also tell myself that this is not forever, I will get through this & though it is hard as hell now, it will get better. The more determined I got to try & make the best of it that I could, the easier it got. It was tough not to let the situation control how I felt. I guess I had to get comfortable with the idea that I was in control of how I felt. I tried to stay out of her way without compromising too much of myself or my life. I also tried to find more things outside of the house even though sometimes I felt like I wanted to be home. Being away wasn't my first choice but it was better than doing the dance while she was there.

My MIL (who by the way has her picture in the enablers hall of fame) offered me about the same advice. Looking back on it now I'm glad I didn't give it much weight as she has a codependent disease with STBXAW & is kind of a extension of the view AW has.

My heart goes out to you, but you will get through this, you can do something for a short time that would appall you if you had to do it for a lifetime. It will end one way or another. Keep your heart & mind open as it may not end up like you thought it would, be open to new opportunities as they present themselves.

Anon12

I had to live with my XABF of six years for a month after we split up earlier this year and it was possibly the most painful thing I've ever been through. I was still in love with him, we didn't know how to relate to each other, we were both very upset and he was still drinking. It was hideous. The only way I survived was to spend time away with friends, family. I still get upset thinking about it now.

How much time is left on your lease? Do u have friends you can stay with if u need a break?

lovesunandsnow

Sometimes if you talk to the owner/lease holder and explain not all but some of why you need to break it they might work with you. I broke one due to my ex-abf and he left it with all we owe was the months we lived there and I lost my deposit but I'm not there anymore to worry. Just try talking and sometimes you can be amazed what kind of grace a landlord/lease holders cold have.

I wish you tons of strength during this hard time. It's not easy and I feel for you, I'm still hurting over my x-abf and it's been 3 months since I've seen or talk to him.