alole

I would agree. However you have to know the person and know their limits and what is realistic to expect of them.

LifeRecovery

I am stealing from LaTeeDa on this one. However I have found a lot of relief in this. She is able to more succinctly and eloquently state it.

Having expectations is one thing (like I expect a friend to call when they say they will). This is for bigger ones two such as a faithful husband, a loved one that says that they will not drink today etc. Understanding that my loved one could not live up to these expectations due to his active addiction to alcohol is another issue entirely

I am finding that having expectations is a good way for me to take care of myself, help to set boundaries etc.

I am learning though that my expectations are not usually the issue. Actually I don't set expecations too high usually.

I do however expect them to be met by people incapable of meeting them (usually because they can't take care of themselves....never mind anything else).

When I take a general expectation and place it on a person I get myself into trouble.

I wish I could write it clearer as this has helped me enourmously.

NYCDoglvr

Great question, thanks for posting. Expectations probably screw up more relationships than anything else. We expect someone to act a certain way and when they don't we're hurt/angry/disappointed. People and situation are what they are and nowhere is it written that someone should do or say anything because it's what I want. Letting go of expectations is accepting them as they are.

I disagree, expectations aren't human nature. It's human nature for codependents but not healthy people.

fluffyflea

Expectations are pre-meditated resentments. It,s better to work on having NO expectations and taking care of yourself.
Because invariably people let you down.

onlythetruth

Actually, NYC and Earthworm, I disagree. Frankly, I've never heard anyone but a self-described "codie" subscribe to the idea that having any expectations at all, even realistic ones, is a bad thing. In fact, I think the notion that it's bad to have any expectations at all is a symptom of codependency...of a person whose self-esteem is so low that they don't even believe they are entitled to the most basic and fundamental decent treatment from others.

This is not to say that all expectations are good. Ridiculous expectations are obviously not good. As my husband puts it, "expecting a person with an IQ of 60 to do calculus is to set yourself up for failure." But realistic ones? No way are those bad, and I honestly think that a person with a healthy psyche knows this and has the discernment to know the difference.

stigmatized

I think every human has expectations. I think the difference may be in how we handle unfulfilled expectations.

fluffyflea

No expectations,no dissappointments.

jessiec

I always did have exceedingly high expectations of others and situations and thought there was nothing wrong with that.

Now, as I'm going deeper with my faith, I concentrate on the fact I don't "deserve" anything from God (or anyone on earth).

I count myself blessed for everything I have. And if there's something I think I lack, I ask God for it.

FireSprite

I recently read The Shack, so this stuck out to me too.

They talk in that book about how verbs/actions are fluid & changing & that they themselves don't tend to be a bad thing... it's when we turn them into nouns & give them form that they weigh us down. One of the characters laments that this is part of what holds mankind back spiritually. As in;

Expecting in & of itself is a normal & natural part of human nature and you would likely flow from this action to another without issue. Having expectations is what creates the potential to pass/fail. It was really interesting & I wish I could remember the examples they gave more clearly!

I tend to agree more toward the middle ground - expectations are fine so long as you are realistic in what expectations are reasonable to each situation & then still ultimately understand that there is always the potential for disappointment, especially when we lack total control.

Interesting!