Today I have completed 7 days of No Contact!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 37
Today I have completed 7 days of No Contact!
This is huge for me..the last time I spoke with my XABF was last Monday night, at which point he was supposed to be shortly going to an inpatient rehab for 6mo-1yr...I went no contact with no notice to him because I just had too much going on in my mind to function. He texted me last Thursday this crazy series of texts, the end of which was that he wasn't going to go to rehab, but would beat his addiction on his own. That was very meaningful to me, because we've been down this road so many times...none of which led anywhere good and it's time I get off the ride.
I told my daughter on Saturday that he wasn't going to rehab, and because I needed to protect her and show her that his behavior wasn't acceptable in our lives, he was no longer welcome in our lives. She was sad...I told her that I was sad too. She doesn't understand why he would keep drinking when it's hurts our family so much...I told her that he had a disease and couldn't stop his behavior. She asked why he wouldn't go to rehab when he had told her that he was going to...I told her that I don't know. I told her that she will always have me, and that will NEVER change. It was a hard conversation.
I've been putting it off because I knew when I finally told her I would need to stick to my decision of no contact (I already brought him back after the last blow up, which really confused her)...it's very very hard to think of my life without him as my future...It helps to remember all the times he lied, all the times he hurt our feelings, all the times he scared us, all the times he let me down...I know that can all change in my mind if I speak with him or see him...so i'm not going to, not until I know i'm strong enough to walk away.
I feel like i'm in rehab from my addiction to HIM...a 9 year addiction that made me forsake myself and my family, that turned me into a liar to cover up what he was doing...this site is my support group and really the only ones I can be honest with, because you GET it. So help me celebrate 7 days of "sobriety"
Thank you.
I told my daughter on Saturday that he wasn't going to rehab, and because I needed to protect her and show her that his behavior wasn't acceptable in our lives, he was no longer welcome in our lives. She was sad...I told her that I was sad too. She doesn't understand why he would keep drinking when it's hurts our family so much...I told her that he had a disease and couldn't stop his behavior. She asked why he wouldn't go to rehab when he had told her that he was going to...I told her that I don't know. I told her that she will always have me, and that will NEVER change. It was a hard conversation.
I've been putting it off because I knew when I finally told her I would need to stick to my decision of no contact (I already brought him back after the last blow up, which really confused her)...it's very very hard to think of my life without him as my future...It helps to remember all the times he lied, all the times he hurt our feelings, all the times he scared us, all the times he let me down...I know that can all change in my mind if I speak with him or see him...so i'm not going to, not until I know i'm strong enough to walk away.
I feel like i'm in rehab from my addiction to HIM...a 9 year addiction that made me forsake myself and my family, that turned me into a liar to cover up what he was doing...this site is my support group and really the only ones I can be honest with, because you GET it. So help me celebrate 7 days of "sobriety"
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I am very proud of you and share your feelings! 7 days is big bc it isn't easy! Somedays easier than others but still hard! Thinking and hoping time helps heal in addition to all the other hard work. I come here a lot to remind myself how things really were by reading all the time. I find that the stories and pain.....much the same as my own! Isn't that sad but it helps me stay strong! I wish you well! Your doing great.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
9 year addiction that made me forsake myself and my family, that turned me into a liar to cover up what he was doing...
Take what you wrote above.
Make a detailed list:
What did it really do to you?
Why did you allow it?
Take 1 example word of your feeling, I just picked the word (insecure), you can pick fear or lazy, or shame,,,,whatever is on your list: (insecure)
....Now turn back the clock on your life,
with (insecure)...
When did that feeling really start? When you were 9 or 5 years old?
When did you 1st discover the word (insecure) in your life?
Have you ever dealt with it, until now?
How did you deal with it?
Why didnt you deal with it?
And look at you now, at your age, dealing with (insecure)
* For me, some of my feelings/emotions stemmed from childhood, throw that
into a alcoholic marriage and it was like gasoline to fire...
Doing that list over and over and over..Really opened up my eyes to what I never
have dealt with or let alone even thought about....
It's like rolling the clock backwards on our own lives....
It helped me put alot of things into perspective, of why I continued to live like that
Keep digging into yourself. The more you discover. The more you will begin to love yourself. The healthier you will become and not even give a hoot about him and his un-resolved issues....
GO GET EM' GIRL!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! .....Feels good, not to be a messed up person, doesnt it????
YOU GET A++++ and party balloons today!!!
and of course, Chocolate Cake
Take what you wrote above.
Make a detailed list:
What did it really do to you?
Why did you allow it?
Take 1 example word of your feeling, I just picked the word (insecure), you can pick fear or lazy, or shame,,,,whatever is on your list: (insecure)
....Now turn back the clock on your life,
with (insecure)...
When did that feeling really start? When you were 9 or 5 years old?
When did you 1st discover the word (insecure) in your life?
Have you ever dealt with it, until now?
How did you deal with it?
Why didnt you deal with it?
And look at you now, at your age, dealing with (insecure)
* For me, some of my feelings/emotions stemmed from childhood, throw that
into a alcoholic marriage and it was like gasoline to fire...
Doing that list over and over and over..Really opened up my eyes to what I never
have dealt with or let alone even thought about....
It's like rolling the clock backwards on our own lives....
It helped me put alot of things into perspective, of why I continued to live like that
Keep digging into yourself. The more you discover. The more you will begin to love yourself. The healthier you will become and not even give a hoot about him and his un-resolved issues....
GO GET EM' GIRL!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! .....Feels good, not to be a messed up person, doesnt it????
YOU GET A++++ and party balloons today!!!
and of course, Chocolate Cake 
Congratulations. I know how hard this has been---esp. in the beginning!Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Bethany, Ok
Posts: 42
I am so very proud of you, GREAT JOB!!! I have yet to walk out the door, the plans are in progress, matter of fact I am looking at an apartment today. I am so ready to get out of the mixed up madness and lies, however, I know I will miss him, for what ever reason that may be. Just stay strong, we are worth more than what we have been living with. My prayers are with you.
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