Husband relapsed after 6 months of sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 15
Husband relapsed after 6 months of sobriety
My husband relapsed after 6 months sober. He was in a rehab for 3 months and then home 3 months. I am supportive but have to take care of myself and out son, 9yo.
Today I need suggestions on a plan to put in place should he return home. I am emotional and didn't see this coming (I know I am supposed to be mindful of signs of relapse) I am having a hard time thinking of realistic boundaries to put in place.
We had a plan should he relapse that only stated he would leave, then go to Detox (if necessary), not drive our son anywhere, and that was it. Now what is the question?
Today I need suggestions on a plan to put in place should he return home. I am emotional and didn't see this coming (I know I am supposed to be mindful of signs of relapse) I am having a hard time thinking of realistic boundaries to put in place.
We had a plan should he relapse that only stated he would leave, then go to Detox (if necessary), not drive our son anywhere, and that was it. Now what is the question?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We understand!
It sounds like you have a boundary established, his relapse means he needs to seek other shelter. That protects you and your child from sitting in the front row of his latest addiction related drama.
It also gives you time and space to sort your own feelings. That is a good thing. You can decide how much time you need!
I do have a practical concern, have you checked your finances? Addiction can cause havoc on family finances. Can you move money to a separate account to protect your family finances?
I am sorry you are faced with this situation. We are here to help!
You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We understand!
It sounds like you have a boundary established, his relapse means he needs to seek other shelter. That protects you and your child from sitting in the front row of his latest addiction related drama.
It also gives you time and space to sort your own feelings. That is a good thing. You can decide how much time you need!
I do have a practical concern, have you checked your finances? Addiction can cause havoc on family finances. Can you move money to a separate account to protect your family finances?
I am sorry you are faced with this situation. We are here to help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to SR!
I think the boundaries already established are good ones. Have you enforced them?
And you say you are supposed to be mindful of signs of relapse...that sentence caught my eye because it really smacks of co-dependency. That's his job. I can only imagine how much energy you'd expend being mindful of his behavior all the time. Yeesh - makes me tired just thinking about it.
Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings?
I think the boundaries already established are good ones. Have you enforced them?
And you say you are supposed to be mindful of signs of relapse...that sentence caught my eye because it really smacks of co-dependency. That's his job. I can only imagine how much energy you'd expend being mindful of his behavior all the time. Yeesh - makes me tired just thinking about it.
Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings?
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Welcome to SR but as always I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here.
Oh, I couldn't agree more with above the posts by Pelican and Tuffgirl - especially about watching his behavior. It's his recovery, he has to do it.
I have my own recovery to work and my husband has his own. You see, I was/am very codependent. The two things that really helped me were Alanon and Codependent No More!
Please remember the 3 C's of any addiction are :
You didn't cause
You can't control it
You can not cure it!
My prayers are with you and your family!
Oh, I couldn't agree more with above the posts by Pelican and Tuffgirl - especially about watching his behavior. It's his recovery, he has to do it.
I have my own recovery to work and my husband has his own. You see, I was/am very codependent. The two things that really helped me were Alanon and Codependent No More!
Please remember the 3 C's of any addiction are :
You didn't cause
You can't control it
You can not cure it!
My prayers are with you and your family!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You have a boundry, he leaves. A boundry that is not enforced is just an idle threat and gives the other person all the power.
I am sorry that you are in pain, take some time to read all the stickeys and cynical one's blogs.
Keep posting, it will help.
I am sorry that you are in pain, take some time to read all the stickeys and cynical one's blogs.
Keep posting, it will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 15
Thank you to all who have posted replies. This is by far the hardest thing I have done, stick to my boundary, but I am and will. I do go to Alanon and a group for families of addicts/alcoholics. Unfortunately, even with that support, I still lost myself for a while in his craziness. As much as I hate to admit it, I have a long road ahead of me, learning how not to be co-dependent. I've made strides but this is a process~
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